Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I spent an hour frantically searching for my car keys, turning the entire apartment upside down. After giving up and calling a locksmith, I found the keys… in the fridge. Because apparently I put my leftover pizza on top of them. FML
Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML
Today, I was running late for an important meeting and couldn't find my car keys. After searching around for way too long, I finally realised where they were - in the pocket of the pants I'd worn the day before, which were now spinning around in the now-unstoppable, two-hour washing machine cycle. FML
Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML
Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML
Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML
Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML
Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML
Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting three hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML
Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML
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Top comments
kirtpar 0
Or just start washing your undies ^.^
Yellow_Fish79 11
Yeah, I'd probably start carrying around a mace. And a bat. And a gun. .... and a rape whistle.
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Comments (174)
bizarre_ftw 22
Carry mace. It simply creates fun situations
bizarre_ftw 22
Also, quick question. Why/how exactly did your car keys end up under your shit-streaked lacy crotch-covers?
ididntdoit1980 8
Along with carrying mace you should also carry a fresh pair of underwear because if he ever shows up you'll probably ending up ******** your pants.
irishman1989 0
If you're a woman and you have skid marked underwear I don't think you'll need mace. No one wants to hit it. You'll be fine.
daltonromanowski 11
Frankly, ANYBODY who has skid-marked underwear is probably lucky to get any.
RhymeTyme 3
Learn to wipe better Noone wants a shitty ass Hope he's not a freak
misfitmonroe 4
You don't need mace...just throw a pair of your underwear at the stalker. The sight of that nasty thing flying at them should suffice.
Miouya 0
That's both scary and gross.. What I'm trying to say is Wash your underwear
garyallanfox 2
I helped you find the keys though, didn't I?...You're welcome.
SexyQueen0905 24
Your profile picture matches your comment so well!
annagilbert 6
how about you take your keys and undies and drive to the laundromat.
bungee_fml 9
If you're such a bad wiper that there's a 'stack' of them, I think it's time to install a bidet.