Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML
Today, and every other day this week, I brought carrots and celery into work to eat as a snack instead of chocolate. I got back from lunch to find a note on my desk saying, "Do you really think it's OK to eat carrots and celery that loudly every day?" Guess I won't try to be healthy. FML
Today, I stopped at a mini-mart and bought a family-size bag of potato chips, a tub of dip, a box of toaster pastries, and some snack cakes. The guy at the counter said, "Wow, someone's hungry!" I told him it wasn't all for me, paid, and left in a huff. It was all for me. I ate it all by that evening. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML
Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML
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Top comments
xivoricbutterfly 25
No shame in loving chocolate. Camly grab it and run away.
Greenteamextreme 16
To hell with the carrots!
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Comments (79)
DanielleinDC 34
Guess you didn't get a chance to clarify that you were talking to the chocolate bar. Oh, well.
Symqathy 4
Get some!!!!! ;)
SaucyGirl106 18
clearly he's never been on a diet before if that comment made him uncomfortable. Just he other day I happened to look at some key lime pie and think "god I want you in my mouth so bad."
TcheQ 12
A 'diet' should be permanent. If you don't imagine yourself eating carrots instead of chocolate forever, and don't enjoy eating them, just don't. Period.
SWeatHeart11_fml 7
haha should have winked too he already thought you were talking to him might as well take it a bit further haha
miggles 16
Did anyone else read this like that Christmas Carol?
cmac86 24
this sounds like a snickers commercial. "anon, eat a Snickers. better?" you're not you when you're hungry.
fuggotmuggot 14
Are you a guy or a girl?
Eewt 20
You should have told him not to flatter himself, that you were talking about the candy bar.
Raesin 21
Well OP, I can already tell you that your diet will fail. If you want to lose weight and keep it off, you need to change your lifestyle. Going on a 'diet' temporarily might get some weight off to start with but then you'll switch back to your normal eating habits and wonder why the weight is going back on. It's fine to eat a Snickers or a burger every so often, just as long as it's not every day. A large part is portion control as well, if you eat a truck load of 'healthy' things, you will still put on weight. Eat less, move more is the general idea, good job for at least trying though.