Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML
Today, after years of no sex, a friend of mine told me she would like some benefits. I got too excited and came before even putting it in. FML
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend I love her for the first time. She said, "Thanks." FML
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Top comments
sillypun 0
You know what... ladies keep saying it so it must be true... most guys have no idea how to satisfy a woman. I'll buy that, but here is a little nugget for you ladies to chew on: 1. Most of you suck in bed to. You think you have skill just because god gave you a ******. That doesnt make you good in bed, just capable. you're lucky the mechanics of the male ****** are relatively simple but soooo many of you are cocky about your lovemaking abilities and its complete horseshit. 2. Most of you can't suck a dick past two and a half inches. And, ENOUGH WITH THE TEETH ALREADY. 3. If your man isn't pleasing you it is half your fault. You aren't communicating. We aren't mindreaders either. If you want us to do something for you, tell us what it is and how to do it. When its good say "thats good," when its not good, offer a suggestion. Or don't, and continue to have an unsatisfying sex life. 4. If you can't have an ****** on your own I doubt you'll have one with a man. If you aren't trying on your own, you are doomed to a boring sex life because if you can't do it, how can you teach him? All women are different. Its your job as a couple to learn how to please each other. If he/she is unwilling to try/teach then she/he should simply part ways because sex is important. Its some of the most fun you can have and it helps form strong intimate bonds that you can't get without a satisfying sex life.
AltierRacing499 0
Ouch. That's harsh. Jst try harder next time.
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Comments (57)
JeffroGymnast 0
#31 ftw.
skatrwannabe3 0
Next time she mouths off, just slip it in her butt and see if she has anything else to say except "ow." I'm not a womanizer, I just hate bitchy broads. I guess I should be careful about what I say. Might piss off the CIA somehow, like the Speaker of the House =P
skatrwannabe3 0
AliSama (comment #8) can suck on a magical vibrator for all I care. Sex isn't political, and can't be improved with books, just practice. Solo or otherwise, for that matter.
Kidfloe369 2
dude thats harsh
123sploosh 0
agreed.
Oohwow93 0
yeah uh note to you never do that again
commonsensex 0
Hahahahha.
BrEnNo1023 5
it's 'come', einstein. stop trying to correct people with stupid SMS language.
dvs01 0
I don't understand... how did that ruin your life?
farsidee 0
Actually he's right. it's cum meaning ****. Don't ask how I know.