Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML
Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML
Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML
Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…
WCARlover 35
He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two
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Comments (40)
PraparAnis 19
Actually, that's a new high...
thatonegirlkayy 9
But did he do the trick right?
SomeRandomUser 19
Tell me you picked the Jack of *****!
captainsmegma 12
Wipe your ass with your hand and pick a card. Problem solved.
interesting33 37
Is he Howard Wolowitz?
Namenlos_fml 20
Free toilet paper!
dwcuzzz 11
This is old
poorsouls27 7
Did you make him disappear?
andrmac 25
Did you pick a 2??
daidax_238 26
"Is this your card?" *pulls out the underwear you were wearing from behind his back* "How tf did you-" "Magic..."