Intimacy: Choose wisely

Choose wisely

By limegreenpoopie - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 895

You deserved it 1 604

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 274

You deserved it 30 182

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 715

You deserved it 6 690

Just a kind of magic

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 15:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 226

You deserved it 12 487

By HK - 16/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 998

You deserved it 3 820

By wtfuraretard - 19/02/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 009

You deserved it 5 197

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 336

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 890

You deserved it 1 235

By Today - 07/09/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 296

You deserved it 6 595

By Sarah - 17/12/2012 12:25 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 635

You deserved it 4 729

By lillymean - 03/02/2012 01:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 478

You deserved it 6 111

Tripartita 44

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07

You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…

WCARlover 34

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12

He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two

Comments

tiacat11 3

Tuesday 27 September 2016 5:36

Your boyfriend actually sounds kind of awesome not gonna lie.

jvanevery 19

Wednesday 28 September 2016 5:46

I hope you picked a card and put it in the toilet

MulticoloredSlug 18

Thursday 29 September 2016 1:03

So?? That's love princess. You shouldn't be in a relationship if you can't handle it.

Keywords

Weird Miscellaneous Awkward Shopping My ex Relatable Racism Family Kids AITA Love Cheating Work Break-ups Cute Cats Animals Sex Intimacy Relationship advice Alcohol Coworkers Psychology Mental health Health Neighbours Cops Stressed out Parents Scary

The Top

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 859

You deserved it 6 043

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 963

You deserved it 12 660

The Top

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 202

You deserved it 4 963

Today, I'd always suspected my mother-in-law hated me. My suspicions were confirmed when I went to pick up my son from her house after work. She smiled smugly and let me know that he’d been asleep since noon. It’s after 5. He’s never going to get back to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 105

Today, I cried so much I felt nauseous and almost puked. Why was I crying? I made up a hot, brooding, cold, and heartless guy who secretly cared about me, and who's super protective. Then I imagined him dying by being stabbed. I cried over a guy I made up in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 1 315

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer… until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 204

You deserved it 2 418

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 829

You deserved it 5 687

Today, my boss fired three of the four other people who were going to work with me on Black Friday in my department. Now it's just me and a new hire. My boss doesn't see a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 325

You deserved it 1 525

Choose wisely

Same thing different taste

Just a kind of magic

It's a witch!

Top comments

Comments