Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
NYC_Yoshi 3
don't ask for the truth if you can't handle it.
JacksonCampbell 9
I really hate being put in the situation where you don't know if you should tell the truth or not. I, however, applaud the waiter. He did neither.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (154)
staychill 16
he probably spit in your food too....
ceddyz17 10
that's the truth. . . with some cheese on it
jorrrdddinnn 1
I can see Sheldon from the bug bang theory saying this...
CateXOX 0
The Bug Bang Theory? Sounds like an interesting spin-off...
Zmeilerr 22
For the love of god, do you people not read the ******* rules?
NeatNit 33
Good thing your date was blind then! ;)
Djzom13 0
"You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free."?
Nitial 6
free from whatever happiness you have. He who increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow'
Djzom13 0
and he who increaseth sorrow... dies....
CateXOX 0
... And he who dies... No?
a_nutritionist 10
he who dies is fukin a man? so in death we become gay...interesting. you better start loosening up the ass muscles in preparation, i dont see you having the stamina or size for the top position.
Djzom13 0
So basically if you know the truth then you screw a man and become gay? Jeez I think I'll settle for the almost truth.
CallMeHush 1
Well... the clothes are OK but that big fugly lump of fat sitting on top of your shoulders just has to go.
bigbadtim 7
If your date was blind, why does it matter how you look? It's not like your date can see you.
Djzom13 0
Are you stupid? Or is this a joke?
bigbadtim 7
it's a joke.
Djzom13 0
Good, I was worried there for a sec.
ILoveTabz 0
hahah oh shit! well, you asked!
1molinamatt 5
it was a joke haha :p cant you tell?? lol
ILoveTabz 0
if I were sitting bear her, overheard this, and he was my waiter, I'd tip him BIG!