Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 10
Your ego appears to be bigger than your muscles.
folgy 10
i know it would suck being mugged but just because your a body builder dont mean you can kick everyones ass
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Comments (143)
HahaNoGoAway 11
Obviously not a very good bodybuilder is you got your ass kicked...Today's lesson is about being big headed.
speky 3
Wrong workout
Ilikepie82479 20
"You're getting mugged kid" "No you're getting mugged" "How does that even work!?!"
deathfyre8 13
OP, muscles don't mean shit if you don't have the strategy to back it up. I take MMA but you wouldn't know from looking at me. It's all about the element of surprise. While he was talking you should've given him a nice uppercut, then ran away.
vlader08 13
should of sucker punch the bastard no second thoughts, ydi
justinemalang1 14
You're just that cocky eh? YDI without any doubt.
Blippety 23
YDI for provoking him and letting your arrogance impair your decision-making. Hey, at least now you have an idea of what NOT to do, should it happen again.
JHPugh 19
I kick people's asses who body build, because I know multiple forms of combat.
ThunderLightTSV 31
Oh you poor soul. For future reference; just because you look it doesn't mean you are it.
whatshuman43 8
On the street, speed beats strength every time, doesn't matter how hard you can punch if you can't hit him