Health: Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell...

By Anonymous

Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell them some of my Adderall. I only just transferred here and have never mentioned my ADHD or the Adderall I take for it to anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13351

You deserved it

917

Favorite

Health

Late term

Summertime sadness

Reverse psychology

By leftout - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22180

You deserved it

1645

Favorite

The best method!

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2600

You deserved it

787

Favorite

By the girl next door - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64688

You deserved it

5053

Favorite

By womboman - United States

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36622

You deserved it

3202

Favorite

By laurenasabutton - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45550

You deserved it

4323

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26975

You deserved it

2862

Favorite

By phonemenace - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33670

You deserved it

2797

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39711

You deserved it

3434

Favorite

By SteveBassist

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3849

You deserved it

283

Favorite

By RunningMurphy - United States

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46490

You deserved it

2737

Favorite

By LaRae17 - United States

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38205

You deserved it

3962

Favorite

By wookieewhosshe

Today, I was informed that my flatmate had not handed his documents in to the new landlord like he'd told me. We are due to move to a new area tomorrow for the new job that I start in 4 days. Now we can't move for another week. Anyone have a spare couch? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

129

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33942

You deserved it

3756

Favorite

By Belt issues - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12968

You deserved it

1466

Favorite

By Username - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31297

You deserved it

2335

Favorite

By nameless - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53204

You deserved it

11806

Favorite

By "Shadley Chase Teladia" - South Africa - Johannesburg

Coincidence plays tricks on us!

Today, I finally got to meet the parents of the girl in which I have been dating for 3 months. I discovered that a month before we started dating, I had a one-night stand with her sister. And a week before that, I had a grinding session with her mother at a bar. No one is saying anything and her father is really bulky. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2695

You deserved it

1871

Favorite

By youreajoker - Australia

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54438

You deserved it

19599

Favorite

By FML - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23431

You deserved it

4206

Favorite

By Anonymous

My stupidity

Today, I got my period and went clubbing. I had to change my tampon and stupidly I only brought one, when I unwrapped it, it fell on the floor, I had to wait in the girl's bathroom for 45 minutes for a random girl to give me a spare. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

1716

You deserved it

719

Favorite

By animalover - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46725

You deserved it

6585

Favorite

By Harry - United States

Today, my dad decided to get his friend to help move our old sofas to save money. Its leg got stuck in the doorway, scratched the entire hallway wall, punched a big hole in it and the other leg made a big dent in our front door. We live in an apartment complex and now have to to pay for everything to be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25150

You deserved it

6213

Favorite

By kstaa - Australia

Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29072

You deserved it

4506

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40489

You deserved it

7480

Favorite

By Drim - Canada

Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13055

You deserved it

31779

Favorite

By Anonymous - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43635

You deserved it

9615

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my 14-year-old son was terrified of going into the water near our house, because he was scared of having his leg bitten off by a shark. We live by a lake. I tried explaining why it couldn't happen, but he just cowered behind a beach towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30090

You deserved it

4774

Favorite

By nice guys finish last - United States - Smyrna

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39279

You deserved it

5630

Favorite

By xxxdwangelaxxx - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44038

You deserved it

34530

Favorite

By a - Korea Republic of

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43498

You deserved it

2877

Favorite

By crashingdown - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29011

You deserved it

14552

Favorite

By iwillcutyou - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Charming

Today, as I was working in retail, this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything, screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2579

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By Thanks Honey - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56475

You deserved it

5175

Favorite

By Miko - United States

Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10229

You deserved it

32351

Favorite

By crushed - United States - Raleigh

Today, I got really excited when I got an email from a guy I've been flirting with in my math class. Turns out he thinks I stole his calculator and wants it back immediately. There goes my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44192

You deserved it

3539

Favorite

By Kiki - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that my brother buys audiobooks only to play them on "mute" so that he can tell everyone that he read them later and flaunt the proof. The rest of my family think he is a genius for reading War and Peace in two days and won't listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12858

You deserved it

1081

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 00:58 - Canada - Brandon

Time marches on

Today, after looking back at our high school photos, I told my fiancée I’ve been scared lately that I’m getting uglier with age, and that I was much prettier back then. He got really quiet, and then agreed with me.. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

689

You deserved it

214

Favorite

By Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, one of my teachers asked me to babysit their kids saturday night. She didn't forget that it was Prom night, she was going to chaperone it. My teacher assumed I wasn't invited to Prom... I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71644

You deserved it

5183

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26888

You deserved it

3528

Favorite

By Hikara - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

165101

You deserved it

24301

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Harpy20 | 24

#6647233 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:55

Information has a funny way of getting around. Selling your meds is illegal though, so steer clear.

By Smurphy121 | 23

#6647224 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:51

Well you may have a stalker

COMMENTS

By Smurphy121 | 23

#6647224 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:51

Well you may have a stalker

By srhearrell | 21

#6647227 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:52

You need to let someone in the office know about that. Assuming you said no, you probably want someone to know about that.

By fmlgazer | 13

#6647228 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:53

You may need a higher dose ;)

By Harpy20 | 24

#6647233 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:55

Information has a funny way of getting around. Selling your meds is illegal though, so steer clear.

MrSassypants | 32

#6647279 - Monday 11 July 2016 2:18

I don't know if the advice your giving is to not sell your medication, or make sure you do it without getting caught. Either way, both are pretty good advice.

By SixthSinEnvy | 39

#6647235 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:56

Did they see you pick up your prescription?

By Le_ponderer | 14

#6647241 - Monday 11 July 2016 1:03

Your reputation precedes you it seems...
Just say no to the kids trying to buy it off you; maybe tell a teacher so there is an adult who has prior knowledge of your possession of the medication.