Health: Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell...

By Anonymous

Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell them some of my Adderall. I only just transferred here and have never mentioned my ADHD or the Adderall I take for it to anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13364

You deserved it

920

Favorite

Health

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Like riding a bike

So you had a bad day…

By Jesska - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33159

You deserved it

7055

Favorite

By ClosetMishap - Canada

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32619

You deserved it

4722

Favorite

By numb fingers - United States - Banning

Today, as I was stretching, I realized my hand can reach all the way up to touch the fan, when it was on, and going full speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19903

You deserved it

3717

Favorite

By thestudent - Philippines

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29607

You deserved it

20938

Favorite

By MrGullible

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2274

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By eiregal2 - Ireland - Cork

Butterfingers

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1335

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By Brooke - United States - Manteca

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39399

You deserved it

3540

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Padstow

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43472

You deserved it

3876

Favorite

By HeIsKindaRightTho - United States - Houghton

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33254

You deserved it

4907

Favorite

By ~__~

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30552

You deserved it

2435

Favorite

By Ellowise - Belgium

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8648

You deserved it

47021

Favorite

By suspended - Australia

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26580

You deserved it

41111

Favorite

By BlueMacaw - United States - Edmond

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14591

You deserved it

2136

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/8/2020 05:01

Frustration level: 2000

Today, I have an incredibly high sex drive. My boyfriend doesn't. He made me throw away my, rarely used, sex toys because he's jealous of them. I wouldn't need them if we had sex more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1914

You deserved it

327

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Glasgow

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40118

You deserved it

3839

Favorite

By Nish - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49632

You deserved it

4154

Favorite

By ...thanks - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56567

You deserved it

4860

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48701

You deserved it

5005

Favorite

By Username

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30911

You deserved it

4775

Favorite

By Hungry - United States - Appleton

Today, I got written up at work for clocking back in from lunch early. Yesterday I got a verbal warning for coming back late. I'm scared to go to lunch at all now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43798

You deserved it

4663

Favorite

By Bigfatfailure - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73337

You deserved it

9822

Favorite

By Skullie - United States

Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30746

You deserved it

4938

Favorite

By dumbassbuffet - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20709

You deserved it

83853

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28373

You deserved it

28617

Favorite

By savanah_aaron

Today, I have to use the same techniques to trick my 24-year-old husband into brushing his teeth, as I do my 2-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4841

You deserved it

704

Favorite

By Confused - United States - Irvine

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44613

You deserved it

14606

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, a fork hit me in the eye. I was holding it. I didn't even get to eat my chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1352

You deserved it

520

Favorite

By wtfman101 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54925

You deserved it

2699

Favorite

By Baldy - New Zealand

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48511

You deserved it

4750

Favorite

By piratequeen - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56008

You deserved it

7047

Favorite

By ahhhboys - Romania

Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36476

You deserved it

6228

Favorite

By potatoebee - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16662

You deserved it

27137

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

104423

You deserved it

45064

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44092

You deserved it

5013

Favorite

By meet Chloe - Australia

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43800

You deserved it

8515

Favorite

By bestbfever

Today, my drunk boyfriend called me by my best friend's name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4733

You deserved it

390

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Amherst

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45260

You deserved it

13857

Favorite

By Señor Guapo - United States

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31642

You deserved it

45337

Favorite

By hatelife - United States

Today, I went to visit my boyfriend at work. That's where I met his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61206

You deserved it

5138

Favorite

By Rai - Canada

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

69788

You deserved it

5983

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Harpy20 | 24

#6647233 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:55

Information has a funny way of getting around. Selling your meds is illegal though, so steer clear.

By Smurphy121 | 23

#6647224 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:51

Well you may have a stalker

COMMENTS

By Smurphy121 | 23

#6647224 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:51

Well you may have a stalker

By srhearrell | 21

#6647227 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:52

You need to let someone in the office know about that. Assuming you said no, you probably want someone to know about that.

By fmlgazer | 13

#6647228 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:53

You may need a higher dose ;)

By Harpy20 | 24

#6647233 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:55

Information has a funny way of getting around. Selling your meds is illegal though, so steer clear.

MrSassypants | 32

#6647279 - Monday 11 July 2016 2:18

I don't know if the advice your giving is to not sell your medication, or make sure you do it without getting caught. Either way, both are pretty good advice.

By SixthSinEnvy | 39

#6647235 - Monday 11 July 2016 0:56

Did they see you pick up your prescription?

By Le_ponderer | 14

#6647241 - Monday 11 July 2016 1:03

Your reputation precedes you it seems...
Just say no to the kids trying to buy it off you; maybe tell a teacher so there is an adult who has prior knowledge of your possession of the medication.