Class act - FML

Class act

By Anonymous - 23/03/2020 17:23

Today, after 5 years, an engagement, and me being 5 months pregnant, my boyfriend downloaded Tinder again. 2020 is really great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 256

Mother of the year

Batman

Good news

By leeceetaylor99 - 15/07/2013 16:47 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 769

You deserved it 3 863

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 07:27 - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 022

You deserved it 6 187

By LynzG - 01/02/2011 05:56

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 755

You deserved it 4 012

Slippy!

By mud - 29/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I was on my way to class and it was muddy outside, so I slipped and it looks like I shit myself. I'm wearing white pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 577

By nyaahaha - 02/09/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 048

You deserved it 20 660

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I punished my new dog for going potty inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 172

You deserved it 3 314

By MisterT - 19/05/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 473

You deserved it 7 234

By dilligaf - 27/09/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I had to choose between staying with my boyfriend and moving out to a better job. I chose my boyfriend. He promptly left me because I didn't take the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 301

You deserved it 18 491

Hello ?

By NoHappyEndings - 30/09/2017 17:15 - United States - Dundalk

Today, it's been four weeks since I got a job offer after months of grueling interviews. I turned down other offers to accept the job, but I'm still unemployed because no one at the company will take my calls about my official start date. I've been ghosted by a corporate office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 682

You deserved it 351

By Anonymous - 23/01/2013 01:33 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 923

You deserved it 2 530

By Michael tee - 11/08/2011 20:11 - United States

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 318

You deserved it 5 009

By perfectman - 12/06/2012 10:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "F*ck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 215

You deserved it 8 335

By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 19:58 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 592

You deserved it 3 110

By so much for a good day - 15/07/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 666

You deserved it 27 188

Bugging out

By Jordan - 02/04/2015 19:58 - Jordan - Amman

Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 547

You deserved it 8 431

By joecool3426 - 03/10/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 500

You deserved it 9 435

By :/ - 20/02/2011 18:44 - Canada

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 049

You deserved it 109 432

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work to find my grandmother in my living room, demanding to know where I'd been all day. I'm 22 and live by myself. She stole my mother's emergency key to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 940

You deserved it 1 482

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 141

By Wrongtoilet - 12/07/2010 08:28 - Singapore

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 781

You deserved it 5 441

By L.Lime05 - 08/08/2010 23:27 - United States

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 855

You deserved it 3 802

By RupeeLink - 27/07/2009 23:33 - United Kingdom

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 634

You deserved it 7 978

By Anonymous - 25/07/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 665

You deserved it 9 617

Earthquake sneezer

By Noname - 27/01/2009 00:02 - Japan

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 690

You deserved it 2 803

By snowman - 06/02/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 945

You deserved it 11 797

By MystoganFT - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Emmaus

Spicy

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 097

You deserved it 1 807

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 22:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her father looked me up and down, said, “No” then went back to his TV. My girlfriend immediately broke up with me and threw me out. I even had to get a really expensive taxi home, because we’d driven in her car and I had no idea what part of the city I was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 125

By mimi - 27/09/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 655

You deserved it 35 668

By msnewyearseve - 01/01/2012 17:19 - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 839

You deserved it 33 031

Not sporty

By Hannah - 22/03/2012 17:21 - Ireland - Wexford

Today, I passed a field where some kids were playing football. The ball rolled over in my direction, so they asked me to kick it over. I tried and failed three times, and ended up throwing it over, where it embarrassingly landed about 2 feet away. They had to come over and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 126

You deserved it 10 866

By Michele - 18/01/2010 00:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 032

You deserved it 4 008

By sickkid - 23/11/2009 18:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 006

You deserved it 4 714

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 09:15 - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 971

You deserved it 6 274

Not now

By nexus - 25/09/2021 09:59 - Papua New Guinea

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 471

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 900

You deserved it 3 330

By a.baybay - 07/01/2010 06:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 075

You deserved it 17 706

By maximus - 20/01/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 216

You deserved it 31 112

By Irobot - 15/03/2017 22:00

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was berated by a customer for a good two minutes. It's okay though because she ended with, "Sorry, I forget you all are real people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 386

You deserved it 307

By sad45 - 15/03/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 263

You deserved it 10 117

By pikachu - 20/01/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 516

You deserved it 4 496

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Top comments

Yudith 20

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Tuesday 24 March 2020 12:02

Don't worry; every girl he meets will cancel their date because of the Coronavirus.

Marcella1016 31

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Monday 23 March 2020 21:13

She’s saying they are engaged now but have been together for 5 years. Nothing about how long they’ve been engaged. I didn’t know the one year rule though. I was thinking more like 1-2 years seems reasonable. More than that seems too long.

Comments

ThatOneLonelyAsian 31

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Monday 23 March 2020 19:14

You should download it and let him fall in love with you all over again ... if he doesn't then you'll know

Susan Yee 9

Monday 23 March 2020 21:06

Engagement shouldn’t be longer than 1 year.

Marcella1016 31

Send a private message

Monday 23 March 2020 21:13

She’s saying they are engaged now but have been together for 5 years. Nothing about how long they’ve been engaged. I didn’t know the one year rule though. I was thinking more like 1-2 years seems reasonable. More than that seems too long.

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 March 2020 8:23

There are no rules about length of engagement.

Nicolette Carpenter 5

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Thursday 26 March 2020 20:13

Okay, boomer. What did you do meet someone and marry them 2 weeks later?

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 24 March 2020 1:19

I hope you're being sarcastic! You have all that bullshit AND no March Madness. What the hell?!?!

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 March 2020 6:04

download it. send him a dirty message and say "whoops wrong person"

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 March 2020 8:22

Throw the whole boyfriend/fiancé away. You deserve better!

Yudith 20

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Tuesday 24 March 2020 12:02

Don't worry; every girl he meets will cancel their date because of the Coronavirus.

WistayShlaio82 13

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Monday 30 March 2020 0:37

I’m noticing a trend, people on here have terrible taste in partners.

sickerthanyou 13

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Monday 30 March 2020 6:57

So why can’t you?, tons of guys into pregnant chicks

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 57

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 216