By Anonymous - 23/3/2020 07:14

Happy quarantine!

Today, my kid shot a Nerf dart at our TV and broke the LCD screen. We have at least 11 days of coronavirus quarantine left and no TV. I don’t think we’ll make it without killing each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1579

You deserved it

278

Favorite

Proactive

Whatthefuckaburger

Rich people problems

By OhLovely - 1/11/2012 01:39 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 KM away to get away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32005

You deserved it

1921

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/9/2017 01:30

Today, I realized that the random string of numbers I deleted in my phone notes a few months ago was actually the pin code to my new bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2182

You deserved it

2648

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/8/2010 16:34 - United States

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35341

You deserved it

6884

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/2/2012 04:23 - United States

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34277

You deserved it

8163

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/2/2014 18:39 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46929

You deserved it

6246

Favorite

By hmdge1 - 10/6/2015 03:21 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, I found out that my boss of 2 years not only doesn't know my name, but calls me "Jew hair" behind my back because of my natural ringlets. This man determines all of my career progression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26103

You deserved it

1857

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 06:17 - United States - Oakland

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27169

You deserved it

3650

Favorite

By Ouch - 20/5/2012 04:06 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10558

You deserved it

26613

Favorite

By Mary - 30/7/2017 05:00

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3588

You deserved it

560

Favorite

By Devil - 11/12/2012 06:07 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30426

You deserved it

5729

Favorite

By mydatinglifesucks - 15/6/2014 06:31 - United States

Today, I had a date with a man who works as a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder during dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49713

You deserved it

6760

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/6/2012 18:21 - United States - Hollandale

Today, I saw a text message on my husband's phone from a "Candice", asking him if he and his wife are still separated, followed by an invitation to spend the night. I never knew we were separated in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43271

You deserved it

2576

Favorite

By rain1 - 6/1/2014 02:54 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50968

You deserved it

4341

Favorite

By guessimdead - 19/4/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60909

You deserved it

3694

Favorite

By why does the world hate me - 1/3/2016 06:23 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister got her car insurance quote in the mail. You would think it would go way up after being charged with reckless driving. It went up $1 per month. My insurance went up $100 per month after I tapped someone's bumper a year ago. I wasn't even charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20437

You deserved it

1641

Favorite

By Dan - 20/10/2018 15:30

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1541

You deserved it

2224

Favorite

By sad face - 24/11/2012 11:54 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25914

You deserved it

5268

Favorite

By soso - 13/5/2012 21:26 - Sweden - Bor

Today, my boyfriend of two years logged into my Facebook account and broke up with himself. He is now receiving loads of sympathy, while I'm being accused of lying about it to save my reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32375

You deserved it

3036

Favorite

By beno - 7/1/2009 15:25 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29269

You deserved it

6041

Favorite

By patty - 13/1/2009 02:47 - France

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37103

You deserved it

3431

Favorite

By horn-y - 23/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, while my mom was out, I took the car out to CVS to get some food, even though I'm not legally allowed to drive. As soon as I got back in the car, my mom pulled up 2 parking spaces away from me. She didn't notice me bend down to hide... until I accidentally hit the horn in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8413

You deserved it

59901

Favorite

By emegemerald - 4/7/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33636

You deserved it

2605

Favorite

By whytoday - 14/5/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34296

You deserved it

8281

Favorite

By Jasmine - 10/10/2014 05:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38787

You deserved it

6084

Favorite

By yepintheladiesroom - 7/6/2014 21:37 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54557

You deserved it

5603

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/9/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27920

You deserved it

10458

Favorite

By _schaden_freude - 27/12/2016 17:31 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30224

You deserved it

1806

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/2/2016 09:15 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24427

You deserved it

2296

Favorite

By missbutthole - 4/6/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34583

You deserved it

3861

Favorite

By Passtheicecream - 25/1/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2360

You deserved it

578

Favorite

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Rejection erection

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8597

You deserved it

82673

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/1/2018 22:00 - United States - Lyons

Instagone

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost four years was breaking up with me when she captioned an Instagram post saying, "Who else besides me is going into 2018 single?" I had already bought an engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5166

You deserved it

318

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:46 - United States

Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28831

You deserved it

3040

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/8/2016 09:21 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9472

You deserved it

18635

Favorite

By scarredforlife - 16/6/2013 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54328

You deserved it

4992

Favorite

By littlekellilee - 16/9/2016 04:27 - Canada

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12641

You deserved it

1493

Favorite

By Uneducated - 26/1/2019 20:00

Today, my dad informed me that I’d not be progressing into next year’s class because it’s a waste of money. But it’s fine because my twin will be learning for the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1534

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13064

You deserved it

28681

Favorite

By Dumped - 22/12/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31970

You deserved it

11627

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2019 22:05 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my mom proudly told me that she found the perfect thing to combat my B.O. Extra strength degreaser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1210

You deserved it

204

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7891649 - Monday 23 March 2020 11:53

Now Jr. will have plenty of time to come up with feasible ways of earning (incl. turning turning over to self any gifts of money) 'til he's paid for a new, better LCD TV ESP. with all that "free time" being grounded to his room - even past quarantine - aside from reading the many classics in literature AND writing well-constructed, reasoned book reports.

You can take the kid outta skool, but ya better not keep him from book learnin' good, practical thing-a-ma-bobs for his future in academics; that's called responsible parenting. Lol

By mike3775 | 32

#7891677 - Monday 23 March 2020 13:13

Every place that sells electronics in my area is offering curb side puck ups for online ordering.

Last I checked, delivery drivers are still considered essential so a new TV can be delivered, you just won’t be able to have them bring it inside. I just got new games for my PlayStation delivered

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7891609 - Monday 23 March 2020 7:56

Don't worry, society is going to come apart at the seams before that happens.

Either you'll die like the rest of us in a toilet-paper frenzy or at home with the fams. We're all doomed!

By ojoRojo | 17

#7891613 - Monday 23 March 2020 8:50

Can relate...my husband and I moved yesterday and then found out that we might not have cable or WiFi for two weeks. Sadly, I think we’ve got a lot more than 11 days left of this quarantine...