Love: Boundaries please!

Boundaries please!

By mary - 08/06/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me because I still close the door when I go to the bathroom. He pees and poops with the door wide open and expects me to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 735

You deserved it 403

Love

The smell detective is on the case

Hiding from the drama

Another great day to be alive

By streeted - 18/09/2010 14:27 - United States

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 263

You deserved it 2 277

By Kris - 07/08/2011 20:37 - China

Today, at my workplace, a TV was installed just above my register at work which plays the same mind-numbingly awful 13 second ad on loop for the duration of our latest sale. The sale lasts for what are going to be three very long weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 274

You deserved it 2 742

Drunken antics

By DevilsTemptation - 29/08/2019 02:01 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 123

By litterbox_girl - 19/08/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 779

You deserved it 71 010

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 13:30

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 556

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 21:42 - United States - Northampton

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 643

You deserved it 6 330

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 623

You deserved it 3 391

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 307

You deserved it 3 632

By waytootan - 22/08/2011 20:34 - United States

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 946

You deserved it 3 115

Ewwwww

By JustEwww - 22/10/2009 21:24 - Australia

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 211

You deserved it 13 461

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 969

You deserved it 2 335

By Nicole - 20/02/2012 01:14 - United States

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 485

You deserved it 3 274

By musiclover - 06/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to see our favorite band in concert. We walked at least a mile from our parking space and stood in line for two hours. My friend was supposed to have the tickets in her purse. She actually had, but she left her purse in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 687

You deserved it 5 095

By Asian - 07/02/2016 19:03 - United States - Clover

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 868

You deserved it 1 855

By Anonymous - 07/05/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 797

You deserved it 4 911

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 08:07 - Canada

Today, I went to Britney's concert. About halfway through the show, the person next to me turns to me and asks, "Can you do me a favour?" Thinking that she wanted me to look after her stuff, I said sure. Her next sentence was: "Can you stop singing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 042

You deserved it 44 123

By FMe - 04/05/2015 14:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 686

You deserved it 2 382

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 08:30 - Netherlands

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 874

You deserved it 3 707

By Anonymous - 18/09/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I was in my psychology class taking the hardest test ever. After I spent most of the period trying to fill in the few answers that I knew, I looked up to see everyone with their notebooks on their desks. It was an open-note test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 057

You deserved it 58 129

By Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 1 223

By crash and burn - 01/12/2016 09:41 - United States

Today, I moved states to be with my soulmate in our new condo. It was also the day I took out a neighbor's balcony with my U-Haul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 476

You deserved it 2 202

Learning

By dummy - 11/07/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 594

You deserved it 57 970

By Anonymous - 10/07/2016 14:23

Today, a customer asked if we stocked gluten-free water. Then she got pissed when I laughed at what I thought was her joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 082

You deserved it 1 053

By perfecttiming - 06/05/2013 15:25 - United States - San Jose

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 571

You deserved it 4 647

By crizzy - 24/04/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 623

You deserved it 4 226

By SadOldBag - 23/08/2018 21:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 121

You deserved it 213

Missed opportunities

By say what?! - 10/04/2020 08:00

Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 460

By Tristansefam1367 - 12/03/2012 13:11 - United States

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 201

You deserved it 6 116

By "people these days" - 19/07/2013 20:36 - United States - Fairfax

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 843

You deserved it 15 826

Three is the magic number

By KTBeck - 26/05/2020 14:00

Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 029

You deserved it 278

The reflex, flex flex flex flex

By Flyaway - 21/03/2021 11:56 - Australia - Rhodes

Today, a fly landed on my dentist's arm. The same arm and hand holding the needle inserted into my gum. He instinctively tried to shake it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 44

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got a message from the girl I like. She told me to never speak to her again and not even look at her any more. Apparently the letter I wrote to her was perverted, vile and nasty. I never wrote her a letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 919

You deserved it 2 781

By Kay - 20/10/2016 10:37

Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 657

You deserved it 601

By badtimingdude - 18/08/2009 16:34 - Mauritius

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 66 991

By ummmmEW - 13/02/2010 00:04 - United States

Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 040

You deserved it 2 240

By leopard - 01/06/2018 19:00

Today, I was finally confident enough to buzz half my hair off into the style I've wanted since I was young. Turns out that I have a particularly large and angry-looking skin problem across my scalp that may well have been there for years. It'll take months to grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 333

You deserved it 818

Sludge factory

By fmyactuallife - 03/05/2020 08:00

Today, I'm on my second day of a week of antibiotics to treat a bad urine infection. Incidentally, the pills seem to be giving me extremely loud, frequent, gut-wrenchingly painful and smelly diarrhea. Only 5 more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 106

By edgyasfuck23 - 13/05/2016 17:09 - United States - Blairsville

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 541

You deserved it 989

By Anonymous - 19/10/2013 05:34 - United States - Escondido

Today, my boyfriend sent me a nude picture. I would have been fine with it if he hadn't taken it in his ex-girlfriend's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 255

You deserved it 4 740

Captive

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 20:00

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 187

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Top comments

Dave_Davington 33

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Friday 8 June 2018 5:11

If anything, you should be threatening to break up with him, not the other way around.

chosha_fml 25

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Friday 8 June 2018 5:47

Tell him that’s fine. You’ll keep the door closed and if that’s a dealbreaker for him, he can go. This isn’t the kind of thing you should be expected to compromise on. It doesn’t affect him at all. And what’s next if you do give in?

withered 30

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 15:56

Just get rid of him. Something is very wrong with him especially if he threatens to break up over something like that. You are entitled to your privacy.

devilninja 25

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Friday 8 June 2018 5:07

If he wants to break up so bad over this little thing then let him. The fact that he wants to break up over that means he most likely wasn't worth it anyways.

devilninja 25

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Friday 8 June 2018 5:07

If he wants to break up so bad over this little thing then let him. The fact that he wants to break up over that means he most likely wasn't worth it anyways.

Dave_Davington 33

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Friday 8 June 2018 5:11

If anything, you should be threatening to break up with him, not the other way around.

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 8 June 2018 5:18

Why were you still around after the second time he peed or pooped with the door wide open? (The first time could’ve been an accident, where you issued an ultimatum that it never happen again.)