Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Big kid - FML

Big kid

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 14:20 - United States - Rhodes

Spicy

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 372

You deserved it 5 707

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 407

You deserved it 6 880

By Anonymous - 24/08/2010 07:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 401

You deserved it 7 159

Honky

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 14:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 025

You deserved it 5 032

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 906

You deserved it 6 510

By Anonymous - 25/02/2012 03:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 066

You deserved it 61 348

By dummy - 17/02/2012 00:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 724

You deserved it 5 663

By Anonymous - 26/12/2013 17:27 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 647

You deserved it 5 813

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 677

You deserved it 9 280

Turn me on

By kk. - 24/02/2022 16:00

Spicy

Today, I'm on my period and super bloated. My husband laid down next to me and said, "Hey pretty lady, wanna have a good time? Let me stick my pin in and let some of that air out", then made a deflating noise with a hand movement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 202

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 065

You deserved it 50 978

Next

Top comments

iseyixes 18

Saturday 8 September 2012 20:12

Return the favor grab his junk and make squeaking noises.

perdix 29

Saturday 8 September 2012 20:28

You should have farted after he honked your boob and said, "Oops, faulty valve."

Comments

CeltHound 14

Saturday 8 September 2012 22:49

Another reason not to get married!

jewelsa 4

Saturday 8 September 2012 23:13

Lucky girl.

LauraChristie 4

Saturday 8 September 2012 23:21

Winning!

green2go 14

Saturday 8 September 2012 23:43

That funny I don't care how you are lmfao

SoultheWolf 19

Saturday 8 September 2012 23:45

Some men are so immature. My fiance loves to squeeze my boobs too, but it doesn't bother me, nor does he make stupid immature noises to it. Your best bet is to try and talk it a little more through to him, try and make him understand.

RentaName 15

Sunday 9 September 2012 0:13

Loosen up a little bit OP. He was just joking. Maybe you just blow up a little too easy.

HSOMGF 5

Sunday 9 September 2012 0:42

Your husband is a loser. Time to upgrade.

Atlanticcowgirl 4

Sunday 9 September 2012 1:53

sounds like my house... ugh some guys

klx125cross 9

Sunday 9 September 2012 2:59

Grab his balls and do the same thing

mylith 3

Sunday 9 September 2012 3:20

lol. your husband is awesome.

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The Top

Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 105

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I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 12

The Top

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 297

You deserved it 40 097

Today, my girlfriends and I got a caricature painting while on a trip in the city. Unfortunately for me, the part of my appearance that the artist decided to exaggerate was my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 44

Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 071

You deserved it 3 084

Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 799

You deserved it 4 436

Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 415

You deserved it 2 694

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 073

You deserved it 1 832