Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML
Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML
Today, I got the news that my ex-boyfriend from two years ago died in a car crash. My fiancé found me crying in the living room when he came home from work. When he found out why I was inconsolable, he said, "Make sure you say hi to that abusive turd in hell for me, thanks for everything." He is now staying at a hotel. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML
Today, I was involved in a car crash. When I told him, my boyfriend was more interested in what he was going to have for lunch. FML
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut on his finger. FML
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Top comments
DoctorWhooves 6
Well, be thankful that you're broken up with him then, I guess!
kakarot2 11
Well.... I suppose you are better off alone than with an idiot. But give him props for originality.
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Comments (190)
cheer4everever 0
A surgeon wouldn't be the type of doctor he would see after a FATAL car accident, nor would he need a doctor if the accident was fatal.
knick64 7
Hey you dated him...
kellmer123 6
Five out of five stars for that excuse
abbynoelle 1
Fukin people today..they keep getting dumber and wussier
ohitsdaniella 7
They're getting more and more creative everyday...
NICKandCARLY 0
Haha. That's great!
jayive34_fml 4
Sucks to be you, but 10 points for creativity.
doglover100 29
He's an idiot.
JackFaire 27
Seeing that it's him that's when you Yell "YES OH HELL YES WOOOT" and do a celebratory dance and hoot and holler. Then tell an imaginary guy in the background "hey baby the asshole's dead we don't have to hide our love anymore" If you are feeling especially **** youish replace baby with the name of his best friend.
ashleyylove3 22
You're better off without the mindless ass hole.