Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML
Today, I went to a wedding with my boyfriend. He became moonstruck with one my friends and said she looked sexy in her dress. The whole night, I was nonexistent to him. He’s now confused as to why I’m giving him the silent treatment. He literally has no clue. FML
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Top comments
jorvid 0
First of all unicorns is real, and you should be grateful that the unicorn even thought you were worthy of a compliment, you ****!
24788 6
What's wrong with having imaginary friends that you talk to?
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Comments (421)
Lisimal 7
Maybe his unicorn should have shoved his horn up your ass. That way you'd have a good reason to be a bitch about it. Warning: My unicorn is looking for you.
Gabby125 0
How could you not know unicorns are real?! Just because something is invisible doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Like Jesus. If Jesus told you you were pretty, I bet you wouldn't be complaining.
adventurepaws 0
wow, your life is so f-ed
Stephai 0
Maybe he didn't like you and doesn't know how to break up with you...
cla1re 0
be sounds dreamy
KiwiBlu 0
Of course unicorns are real! And on top of that, it ******* thinks you're pretty! oh, and #212 :D
tomberryboy 0
Dump him ur reputation will go down if u dare a dumbfuck who believes unicorns r real.
coffeeisgood33 0
Reminds me of NPH and HIS unicorn in Harold & Kumar: Escape From GB
BackStroke 0
Just take the compliment and be happy. 99% chance he was high, don't worry about it
TerAki 0
He sounds like the ******* man.