Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML
Today, I went to a wedding with my boyfriend. He became moonstruck with one my friends and said she looked sexy in her dress. The whole night, I was nonexistent to him. He’s now confused as to why I’m giving him the silent treatment. He literally has no clue. FML
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Top comments
jorvid 0
First of all unicorns is real, and you should be grateful that the unicorn even thought you were worthy of a compliment, you ****!
24788 6
What's wrong with having imaginary friends that you talk to?
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Comments (421)
plexico 3
What are you complaining about? You could have a threesome with a magical horse!
MukyDaCookie 0
Maybe hes a hilarious kid and did that as a joke? I pull things like that too. It's all in fun and he wants in ur pants.
jpgenius123 0
has anybody realized that he meant his penis?
JesiJLo 0
I had a boyfriend who had a teddy bear puppet that would whisper things to him and he would tell me what the bear said. It didn't last long.
testing_fml 0
unicorn = penis
IRemainNameless 12
Oh. Oh my. Run away, the sooner the better!
girlygirl666 0
My unicorn ****** your boyfriend AND his unicorn....
tbbays04 0
And that's when you ditch....
Uber_G33k 0
Tell your boyfriend that he's being illogical. Unicorns live on MARS, not Earth! Besides, they only speak Yugoslavian, and I'd be impressed if your boyfriend was fluent in Yugoslavian. I mean, If he did have a Earth-Dwelling Unicorn, and could speak to it and understand it, I wouldn't let him escape you. A man with that brain power can get you far in life.
admiral4life35 0
hes not a freak he was probably just dropping acid its all good