Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML
Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML
Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML
Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML
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Top comments
Adula 14
It's one of the wierdest fmls I've ever read on this site.
cmb8280 24
Omg, this just keeps getting better and better! Did not see that ending coming though; FYL.
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Comments (99)
gg27787 6
Man, who pissed in his Cheerios?
lashes_to_ashes 14
You shouldn't have laughed. Clearly, he has issues.
tinysocks 11
Instant karma.
cgstarz790 3
Oh have u met Karma? She is a bitch.
onorexveritas 24
that is disgusting and really sucks
getsmacked 3
atleast he got you on your knees.
LdyJstc 8
This FML had a couple of unexpected twists. At first, I felt bad for OP for his working conditions and kind of admired him for not firing back at the inmate. But then, he says the inmate ends with soft weeping, and OP laughs. I thought that was rude of OP because the inmate clearly has problems that caging him up won't cure. Finally, OP slips in the piss and breaks his arm... Karma, maybe? This is definitely a combo of OP's life being f#cked and OP totally deserving it. Lol
loccsta83 5
This is actullay kind of funny
Asia_Breezy 9
Hope your arm is ok (:
Nydeira 11
One of the wierdest FMLs I have ever read on this site.