Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
TrippingOnAcid 29
The ultimate cockblock
JMichael 26
You poor poor bastard...
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Comments (86)
JoeyWestSide 1
Don't worry OP. You're not a virgin anymore. The universe ****** you.
sartrow 8
yes sir, your life definitely sucks!
randome101 12
Plot twist, the girl had an std and he dodged a bullet.
ShenaniganNinja 20
Well if it's any consolation since you passed 30 without losing your virginity you're officially a wizard according to the internet. Congratulations.
Niedermayer_20 12
Poor Lad, the pain must of been excruciating.
mechaix101 2
31...really?!
RayvenWhite 12
......seriously?....
Texasblackboots 16
That's sounds horrible
james7003 2
31 and you've never had sex?
PtCaboose 21
40 year-old Virgin anyone?