Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML
Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML
Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML
Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML
Today, while my mom was out, I took the car out to CVS to get some food, even though I'm not legally allowed to drive. As soon as I got back in the car, my mom pulled up 2 parking spaces away from me. She didn't notice me bend down to hide... until I accidentally hit the horn in the process. FML
Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML
Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML
Today, I was driving around a parking lot, looking for an empty spot. Someone was backing out a bit too quickly as I was about to pass by, so I honked to announce myself. The driver instead panicked and reversed into my front bumper. FML
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Top comments
ninjaCarebear 17
You must be a great rolemodel.
cblt2007 0
teach em young. its better that way.
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Comments (86)
slipperyeyebrow 0
the little brat can cuss big whoop. my niece can publish a whole dictionary with every profanity invented while swallowing cocaine.
XxEmoSnowboarder 8
You must be so proud
sheethapins 13
I bet social services would find that extremely impressive.
BelleBelle_fml 11
I wonder where your niece learned that from...
itouchuser77 8
The other one is thinking the same thing too
ImmaB3AST 7
They are gonna learn from the best (:
Glitterhinoceros 14
Love-a-ly
SilentTreatment 7
"Asshole!".... :P
turtleomnom 0
ydi for having twin daughters, jk lol, but chill with the road rage haha
perminator94 5
Hahaha kids are funny.... :D But you should really watch what you say with kids in the car :p
NOBODY88 0
You've raised them well.
MuziKMajoR 5
Hope ur kids don't look up to u....give me the crayons assshole..,where did u hear that word...my mom so f..k off
Battle765 4
I prefer to call people stupid commies when my kids are around it's my way of teaching them about the cold war.