Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML
Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML
Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML
Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML
Today, while my mom was out, I took the car out to CVS to get some food, even though I'm not legally allowed to drive. As soon as I got back in the car, my mom pulled up 2 parking spaces away from me. She didn't notice me bend down to hide... until I accidentally hit the horn in the process. FML
Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML
Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML
Today, I was driving around a parking lot, looking for an empty spot. Someone was backing out a bit too quickly as I was about to pass by, so I honked to announce myself. The driver instead panicked and reversed into my front bumper. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ninjaCarebear 17
You must be a great rolemodel.
cblt2007 0
teach em young. its better that way.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
jlh2283 1
That's just great, teaching your kids to be angry drivers because anger on the road is best for driving...
emithe1andonly 1
Sound like my baby brother
jdmarine83 0
That alright, my son used to yell "retards" when I slammed on my brakes. That took a while to clear up.
tj4234 36
At least they didn't make comment about the lack of a 'honk if you're horny' sign.
raphanne_fml 33
I've never seen these signs in Belgium.... That's really a shame!
babytunechi 0
well, dont complain when their driving u when they're older and someone cuts them off and they say "$&@! $&@" #%*$!!!!!!!"
MuziKMajoR 5
Sexy!!!!!
rattusrattus 19
Ah, this is like my mother.
KnucklesDeep 5
Those are some observant children you've managed to raise while being a terrible influence.
hyden121 2
Kids are super smart. :)
Legendslayer222 26
Whats more shocking is their response to being asked to make blue martians.
yhurdreamgirl 0
smart kids ..