Nearly FMLs

By green eyed cyclopse - 18/01/2016 05:20

I learn a lot from my parents. Including the fact that I am going to hell for doing yoga bc "yoga worships Buddha, not Jesus" They continued to read aloud an article from a Christian propaganda magazine and blaring a radio sermon for my entire visit. I'm 30 years old and married. FML

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By Huh? Yea. - 18/01/2016 05:18 - United States - Grove City

Today, I had the pleasure of listening to the office beside me, on a business call, talk about being employee of the month at a former job because she didn't get fired for smuggling Coke from Europe. And she thinks sharks are below us in the food chain. She also make twice as much as me. FML.

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By jackler92 - 18/01/2016 05:08 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was at an archery range, We called clear and went to retrieve our arrows, a boy thought my bow was cool picked it up, mocked an arrow, and fired, into my leg. The boys parents are now suing me for being "stupid enough to leave my bow unattended"

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By Crazy_Cossack - 18/01/2016 04:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized my mom has spent $3400 in my saving account on weed and shrooms. FML.

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By EXfoliated - 18/01/2016 04:48 - India

Today, I mistakenly addressed my wife with my ex's name. She didn't react, except for twitching her face for a second. Guess what's going to be brought up in the next big fight.

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By skincrawling - 18/01/2016 04:46 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, my fear of bugs has grown so much so that when my nephew asked me to read the Very Hungry Catapiller, I nearly had a panic attack. FML

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By Anon - 18/01/2016 04:46 - United States - Frisco

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex and when I got home I realized it was so rough it kick started my period. FML.

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By Bansheefaerie - 18/01/2016 04:20 - United States

Today, I was wiping down one of the food scales at the deli I work at with a wet cloth. I got a bad electric shock that went up my arm, across my shoulders and down my other arm. When I reported it, my manager laughed. Apparently I'm the 4th person to be shocked by it this week.

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By xSpodermanx - 18/01/2016 04:03 - United States

Today, I was walking to a convenience store that was very close to my house. A homeless man asked me for some money, I lied saying no. He pulled out a 7 inch bowie knife nd said "wrong answer". I was mugged by a "homeless" man. FML

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By Kitagora - 18/01/2016 03:59 - United States - Girard

Today, I've been diagnosed with the flu and step throat. It hurts to breathe, I can barely move, I've barely eaten in almost a week, and I haven't been able to go to work in just as long. My mother's idea of helping? Screaming at me calling me lazy and worthless and throwing me on the floor. FML

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By rcm96 - 18/01/2016 03:55 - Canada - Peterborough

Today, two days after my birthday, my dad called me and asked me why I didn't call HIM on MY birthday. Thanks dad. FML

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By angie_halvorson - 18/01/2016 03:54

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and autocorrect corrected it to "opposites attack" instead of opposites attract. Im 99% sure he's scared of me now. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 03:38 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, my grandma pushed me off my two story high balcony for "not cleaning up". She lives in my apartment and I'm 35. FML

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By gingerlover01 - 18/01/2016 03:33 - United States

Today, instead of going on the date it took me months to get I'm at home because I had an allergic reaction to her Guinea pig whom she'd brought with her. FML.

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By faithinhumanitylost - 18/01/2016 03:23 - United States - San Diego

Today, I lost all faith in my generation's music taste. Why? A girl from my school posted a picture of Justin Bieber's latest album with the caption, "literally better than the Beatles." FML

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By lahutchins - 18/01/2016 03:23 - United States - Cameron

Today, after years of my wife accusing me of cheating I found out she cheated and my "son" may not be mine. She said she was hoping I cheated so she wouldn't have felt as bad. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 03:20 - United States - Waukesha

Today, I found out my mom likes her niece more than me. I'm her daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 03:19 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, we went to visit my mother in law, who knows very well I struggle with inferility and it's a hard subject. When we arrived, she brought out bags of baby clothes she bought for me to use. FML.

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By Xcizer - 18/01/2016 03:08 - United States - Fort Lee

Today, I bought a bundle of a ton of classic games formatted to work on my computer for $100. Little did I know that they actually don't work on my operating software and I can't get a refund. FML

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By tkdbb11790 - 18/01/2016 03:01 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I forgot the password to my back-up email account, so I had the reset code sent to another email. I then realized I couldn't remember the password to that account either. FML

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By i have no microwave - 18/01/2016 02:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my stove broke. Water takes forever to boil in a crock-pot. FML

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By Texasforever121 - 18/01/2016 02:33 - United States - Newark

Today, my mom sent me a screenshot of her messages because her keyboard was messed up and she wanted me to help her fix it, but little did she know, the texts she sent me was between her and my step dad talking about how he wants to lick her all over. FML

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By emptylife - 18/01/2016 02:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling down, so I bought and watched my favorite movie from my childhood for the first time in more than a decade. When I was finished, I realized it was nearly the only thing about my childhood I actually liked, and that I haven't even felt much happier since then. FML

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By very offended - 18/01/2016 02:28 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I asked a girl that I have known for months now. We talk a lot and she is always sweet and kind so I thought she liked me back. When I asked her with flowers, she said no, explained to me how with my mental disability it wouldn't work out between us....I have no mental disabilities FML

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By TexasGirl24 - 18/01/2016 02:23 - United States - New York

Today, I was sitting on the couch next to my dog, and my dad was sitting on her other side. A commercial came on, so he started playing with her. She stood up to get a better angle on my dads arm, and I looked up into her butthole just as she farted. I still taste it. FML

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By whathaveidone - 18/01/2016 02:21 - United States - Houston

Today, I told my son to stop playing video games because it's lazy and a waste of time. He responded by saying that I have been sitting on my "fat ass" watching TV for the past four hours. It was five actually. FML

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By Steezus - 18/01/2016 02:17

Today, I sent a nude pic to my non-committal man-friend who's on vacation. Didn't notice until I hit "send" that my panties and hygienic pad were in the background. fml.

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By guineagirl96 - 18/01/2016 01:55 - United States - University Of Richmond

Today, I found out that my best friend, the love of my life, the guy I faked happiness for the last two months since he got a girlfriend (but was crying internally and at night), was never actually in a relationship. He faked the whole relationship as a prank on some kids at his old school. FML

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By its too dark and cold at home :( - 18/01/2016 01:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, its been two weeks since a computer glitch on the power company's part cause me to be overcharged for an apartment I just moved to. As I write this I am doing laundry and about to take a hot shower at my parents' house. FML

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By flamingarrow - 18/01/2016 01:52 - United States - Herndon

Today, I told my dad that his brother pointed a gun at me. He told me that he should have pulled the trigger.FML

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The Top

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 166

Today, I found out I was single by scrolling through Facebook and seeing my (now ex) boyfriend's relationship as "single." I was at work, in the middle of my shift. I haven't been electronically dumped since Middle School. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 81

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 585

You deserved it 246

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

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You deserved it 10 435

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 261

You deserved it 12 455

Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML

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You deserved it 7 429