Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 12:24 - United States - New York

Today, my neighbors rushed to my house and reminded me that I owe them, and they are cashing in. I now have to babysit, their 2 year old quintuplet girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By mindreader - 18/01/2016 12:13 - United States - South Hadley

Today, my pastor stated a sermon and in it he described my sexual fantasy. No one knew it. I am so creeped out. FML

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You deserved it 0

By noodlenoodle - 18/01/2016 12:08 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I realized that I probably am the only man ever in the history of instant noodles who has managed to fuck it up. FML

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By rekt - 18/01/2016 11:59 - India - Hyderabad

Today, its my friend's birthday. We have this tradition of kicking the birthday boy's ass for how ever old he is then. I ran to kick him, slipped on the gravel and busted up my knees and shit. He then proceeded to kick me. FML

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By cheeeksss - 18/01/2016 11:52 - United States - Makawao

Today, I woke up with my boyfriend on top of me. Apparently, we both fell asleep during sex. FML

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By anonymous - 18/01/2016 11:25 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I woke up to find a "friend" posted pictures from a party on social media. Guess who was the only one told the party was cancelled. That was the first time I've been invited anywhere since middle school. FML

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By TAHD - 18/01/2016 11:03 - United States - Layton

Today,my awesome girlfriend planned a three-way for us. We were both nervous and decide to get high before hand; little did I know I got so baked I couldn't get hard... The three of us watched netflix in awkward silence. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By innocent bystander - 18/01/2016 10:31 - United States - New York

Today, I was unfortunate enough to get in the line-of-fire in a long ongoing fight between 2 co-workers. One claims to be adept in voodoo and the other claims having unseen friends. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Myorafield - 18/01/2016 10:23 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I realised how unfit I am when I started panting from making the bed. FML

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You deserved it 0

By I-refuse- - 18/01/2016 09:14 - United States - Industry

Today, my 6 year old son ran around me screaming 'suck my ass'.. It wouldn't of been so bad if we weren't in Walmart. FML

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By he-also-came-while-staring - 18/01/2016 09:03 - United States - Industry

Today, I walked in on my brother jacking off, he looked me right in the eye and kept doing it. FML

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You deserved it 0

By scarred for life - 18/01/2016 08:52 - United States - El Segundo

Today, I was watching the episode of 'Modern Family' where the kids walk in on their parents having sex. This wouldn't have been awkward if I wasn't watching with my parents, and if I hadn't just walked in on them a week ago. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 08:51 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out the love of my life believes it to be perfectly ok to date other people while dating me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 08:27 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I dropped my phone on my laptop. Anybody want to buy a pair of overpriced aluminum bricks? I'll throw in two panes of broken glass for free. FML

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By k8e - 18/01/2016 08:20 - United States - Hilliard

Today, I waited for 45 minutes for my date. He finally showed ordered a shake and left. It was a total of 11 minutes. All the while my ex boyfriend and all his friends were laughing behind me and I hadn't noticed until I slipped and fell and landed in his lap. Fml

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By kaegomay12 - 18/01/2016 08:10 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying he's going to a funeral. I asked him who's funeral and expressed my sympathies. He then replied "the death of my feelings for you". I guess we're broken up now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BadBoyApparently - 18/01/2016 07:59 - United States - Tempe

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed, and she was using my portable charger. I wanted to save the battery for my work tomorrow, so I offered to go get her plug-in charger for her. She threw my new portable charger across the room, slapped me, and left. We havent spoken since. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 07:56 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that you can cut yourself with a spoon. FML

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You deserved it 0

By LittleGina - 18/01/2016 07:31 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I found out that the water in my shower accidentally turning cold makes me scream louder than my own boyfriend. FML

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By allmyfault - 18/01/2016 07:25 - Austria - Vienna

Today I had to explain to my 30-year-old friend that deleting messages does not unsend them. FML

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By jcprobs - 18/01/2016 07:19 - United States - New York

Today, I texted my girlfriend of 11 months about her calling and saying "I don't think we should go past 11 months" on my voice mail from the night before. Little did I realize it had just been a dream. now she thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

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By birthdaygirl - 18/01/2016 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was out enjoying my birthday dinner with my fiancé, my dog decided to chew and destroy the key to car- which in the process opened all the windows and my sunroof during a horrendous rain storm. My entire leather interior is ruined, along with my only key to my car. FML

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You deserved it 0

By PrettyInPurple - 18/01/2016 07:06

Today, I found out that my hearing will forever be impaired, not because of natural causes, but because about 9 years ago my dickweed cousins decided it would funny to blow up a box of firecrackers in my face. I'm only 19. FML

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You deserved it 0

By ugly - 18/01/2016 06:48 - United States

Today, while looking in the mirror, I muttered to myself that I looked ugly. My boyfriend walked into the bathroom at the same time and said, "Your ugly is beautiful." Somehow, I don't feel any better. FML

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By AporcelainPain - 18/01/2016 06:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to switch my phone over to his plan after months of debating. The company we were switching to was going to pay and everything. Five minutes before walking in my phone drops and cracks. I've thrown it at a wall before.. Not a scratch. Hello disconnection fee. FML

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You deserved it 0

By CountTheShadows - 18/01/2016 06:02 - United States

Today, I bought plane tickets so my best friend who lives across the country could come visit. I talked to her on the phone, and asked if she would like to come. Apparently, she has an insane phobia of tsunamis, and won't come, ever, because I live near the ocean. there goes $243. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 05:47

Today as I was turning a corner on an icy street, I slid and hit a fire hydrant and fucked up the whole left side of my car. When I got home, my mom bitched at me the whole time, said I am a dumbass, and didn't even ask me if I was okay. FML.

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By ANON - 18/01/2016 05:45 - United States - Chaska

Today, It was me and my boyfriends 2 years anniversary so I went to the store and bought him his favorite flannel, new cologne, and something extra ;), but when I got home I discovered he had packed all his stuff and was planning on breaking up with me today, and forgot it was our anniversary. FML

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By bunnyfish - 18/01/2016 05:31 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, My mom told me she gave my dad a "blumpkin" when I asked her what it was she laughed in my face, my ten year old sister had to explain it to me. I'm 20. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By omfg - 18/01/2016 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to fart with a lighter by my butt to see if it would actually produce a flame. At that exact moment, my cat walked by and I singed my cats hair. My cat is now half naked. FML

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The Top

Today, I've been guilt tripped, ranted at, called names, ostracized and told what a horrible person I am for, "turning my back on family." My former brother is in jail for unspeakable crimes, yet somehow I’m the bad guy for not standing by and supporting him or offering to help pay for a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 90

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 076

You deserved it 2 660

Today, my girlfriend accused me of only dating her because I’m lonely and want sex. Surely the point of dating someone you love is to be together so you’re not alone, and I have it on good authority that dating occasionally includes sex, so is she nuts or am I actually the bad guy here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 532

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 309

You deserved it 467

Today, after being so jaded by failed relationships, I'd given a guy who slid into my Facebook Messenger a chance. We'd entered the talking stage, only to be told four months later that he’s found a girlfriend, and no longer wants to continue this interaction and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 287

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 752

You deserved it 3 625