Nearly FMLs

By unluckytraveler - 18/01/2016 13:02 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was on a 9-hour flight. In addition to awful period cramps, I got severe gastric distress and diarrhea on the plane. The turbulence on the flight was the worst I've ever seen, causing me to feel nauseous and making everything else worse. I wasn't in an aisle seat. FML

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By Tus42 - 18/01/2016 12:42 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I have a burn on my chin that looks a lot like a cold sore. How I got it, you ask? I was eating pizza and got burning hot tomato sauce all over myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 12:34 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Today, just as I was drifting off to sleep, I dreamed about the time I fell down the stairs. I jerked awake so hard that I fell out of bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 12:24 - United States - New York

Today, my neighbors rushed to my house and reminded me that I owe them, and they are cashing in. I now have to babysit, their 2 year old quintuplet girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By mindreader - 18/01/2016 12:13 - United States - South Hadley

Today, my pastor stated a sermon and in it he described my sexual fantasy. No one knew it. I am so creeped out. FML

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By noodlenoodle - 18/01/2016 12:08 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I realized that I probably am the only man ever in the history of instant noodles who has managed to fuck it up. FML

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By rekt - 18/01/2016 11:59 - India - Hyderabad

Today, its my friend's birthday. We have this tradition of kicking the birthday boy's ass for how ever old he is then. I ran to kick him, slipped on the gravel and busted up my knees and shit. He then proceeded to kick me. FML

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By cheeeksss - 18/01/2016 11:52 - United States - Makawao

Today, I woke up with my boyfriend on top of me. Apparently, we both fell asleep during sex. FML

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By anonymous - 18/01/2016 11:25 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I woke up to find a "friend" posted pictures from a party on social media. Guess who was the only one told the party was cancelled. That was the first time I've been invited anywhere since middle school. FML

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By TAHD - 18/01/2016 11:03 - United States - Layton

Today,my awesome girlfriend planned a three-way for us. We were both nervous and decide to get high before hand; little did I know I got so baked I couldn't get hard... The three of us watched netflix in awkward silence. FML.

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You deserved it 1

By innocent bystander - 18/01/2016 10:31 - United States - New York

Today, I was unfortunate enough to get in the line-of-fire in a long ongoing fight between 2 co-workers. One claims to be adept in voodoo and the other claims having unseen friends. FML

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By Myorafield - 18/01/2016 10:23 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I realised how unfit I am when I started panting from making the bed. FML

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By I-refuse- - 18/01/2016 09:14 - United States - Industry

Today, my 6 year old son ran around me screaming 'suck my ass'.. It wouldn't of been so bad if we weren't in Walmart. FML

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By he-also-came-while-staring - 18/01/2016 09:03 - United States - Industry

Today, I walked in on my brother jacking off, he looked me right in the eye and kept doing it. FML

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You deserved it 0

By scarred for life - 18/01/2016 08:52 - United States - El Segundo

Today, I was watching the episode of 'Modern Family' where the kids walk in on their parents having sex. This wouldn't have been awkward if I wasn't watching with my parents, and if I hadn't just walked in on them a week ago. FML.

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 08:51 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out the love of my life believes it to be perfectly ok to date other people while dating me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 08:27 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I dropped my phone on my laptop. Anybody want to buy a pair of overpriced aluminum bricks? I'll throw in two panes of broken glass for free. FML

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By k8e - 18/01/2016 08:20 - United States - Hilliard

Today, I waited for 45 minutes for my date. He finally showed ordered a shake and left. It was a total of 11 minutes. All the while my ex boyfriend and all his friends were laughing behind me and I hadn't noticed until I slipped and fell and landed in his lap. Fml

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By kaegomay12 - 18/01/2016 08:10 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying he's going to a funeral. I asked him who's funeral and expressed my sympathies. He then replied "the death of my feelings for you". I guess we're broken up now. FML

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You deserved it 0

By BadBoyApparently - 18/01/2016 07:59 - United States - Tempe

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed, and she was using my portable charger. I wanted to save the battery for my work tomorrow, so I offered to go get her plug-in charger for her. She threw my new portable charger across the room, slapped me, and left. We havent spoken since. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 07:56 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that you can cut yourself with a spoon. FML

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By LittleGina - 18/01/2016 07:31 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I found out that the water in my shower accidentally turning cold makes me scream louder than my own boyfriend. FML

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By allmyfault - 18/01/2016 07:25 - Austria - Vienna

Today I had to explain to my 30-year-old friend that deleting messages does not unsend them. FML

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By jcprobs - 18/01/2016 07:19 - United States - New York

Today, I texted my girlfriend of 11 months about her calling and saying "I don't think we should go past 11 months" on my voice mail from the night before. Little did I realize it had just been a dream. now she thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

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By birthdaygirl - 18/01/2016 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was out enjoying my birthday dinner with my fiancé, my dog decided to chew and destroy the key to car- which in the process opened all the windows and my sunroof during a horrendous rain storm. My entire leather interior is ruined, along with my only key to my car. FML

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By PrettyInPurple - 18/01/2016 07:06

Today, I found out that my hearing will forever be impaired, not because of natural causes, but because about 9 years ago my dickweed cousins decided it would funny to blow up a box of firecrackers in my face. I'm only 19. FML

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By ugly - 18/01/2016 06:48 - United States

Today, while looking in the mirror, I muttered to myself that I looked ugly. My boyfriend walked into the bathroom at the same time and said, "Your ugly is beautiful." Somehow, I don't feel any better. FML

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By AporcelainPain - 18/01/2016 06:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to switch my phone over to his plan after months of debating. The company we were switching to was going to pay and everything. Five minutes before walking in my phone drops and cracks. I've thrown it at a wall before.. Not a scratch. Hello disconnection fee. FML

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By CountTheShadows - 18/01/2016 06:02 - United States

Today, I bought plane tickets so my best friend who lives across the country could come visit. I talked to her on the phone, and asked if she would like to come. Apparently, she has an insane phobia of tsunamis, and won't come, ever, because I live near the ocean. there goes $243. FML.

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 05:47

Today as I was turning a corner on an icy street, I slid and hit a fire hydrant and fucked up the whole left side of my car. When I got home, my mom bitched at me the whole time, said I am a dumbass, and didn't even ask me if I was okay. FML.

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The Top

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 919

You deserved it 3 908

Today, my favorite necklace fell off at school. Later, I saw another girl wearing it. When I told her it was mine, she accused me of trying to steal it and that it was a gift from her sister. I might have thought she had an identical necklace, except I hand-made mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 923

You deserved it 355

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 184

Today, I found out my email hasn't been working for 10 days. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but it just so happens that a position opened up for my dream job while this was happening. I would have gotten the job, but instead they gave it to someone I just finished training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 126

Today, my friend told me how he had to block another girl that he knew because she was trying too hard to get in his pants again, and it was starting to annoy him. I wish I could sympathize but I haven’t physically touched a girl in two years, and every girl I’ve tried to talk to has ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 173

Today, after my therapist told me I should open up to my friends more, I sent a message to a pen-pal and told her that I had asked for and found help with my postpartum troubles. She replied that I'm a bad friend for "always burdening her with my problems." FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 103