Nearly FMLs

By Welshite - 18/01/2016 22:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the coworker who hates me told me he knew a song that described me perfectly. He then sent me the link to "You're A Fucking Nerd And No One Likes You". FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 22:07 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my cousins were looking at me funny and I never knew why until my aunt asked why did I have naked pictures of girls on my phone. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 22:04 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my 3 kids to McDonald's, after their meal they played at the restaurants park. My daughter runs to me saying "daddy I need to go, now!" I take her in and wait at the door, 5 minutes later I peek in to check if she's okay, she looks at me smiling with a big crap on the floor. Fml

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You deserved it 0

By CreepMagnet - 18/01/2016 21:48 - United States - Milford

Today, a random old guy in the library keeps looking up and staring at me, then typing on his smartphone. I tried staring him down. I failed. Now I'm scared. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Unlovable - 18/01/2016 21:47 - United States - Red Lodge

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me that he loved me more before he actually knew me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Ugly - 18/01/2016 21:36 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I was taking to a really nice guy on omeagle. He asked for a picture of me, so I sent one I though I looked really good in. He disconnected after that. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 21:19 - United States - Des Plaines

Today, my wife is a porn star. She'll be pissed when she finds out. FML

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You deserved it 1

By Dynamite73 - 18/01/2016 21:03 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, my brother went to the shooting range. Little did I know, he took every last box of the ammo I was saving up and shot them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ChiefKoala - 18/01/2016 20:39 - United States - Harriman

Today, after waiting a few days to buy something I really wanted, i finally broke down and ordered it. A couple of hours later, the website i ordered from had a sale going on. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 20:27 - United States - Bonners Ferry

When I showed my engagement ring to my father, his reaction was "Wow! Haha. It suits you. It matches your soul." It's a black diamond. FML

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You deserved it 0

By anonymous1738 - 18/01/2016 20:17 - United States

Today, I was on the bus across from these 2 annoying kids when I fell asleep. When I woke up they were gone; I was relieved. They ended up having the last laugh because they drew a mustache and huge unibrow on my face in Sharpie. Worst part is I have an important meeting with the bank in 15 minutes.

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You deserved it 0

By Liv3366 - 18/01/2016 20:16 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, I was babysitting an extremely mischievous 8 year old boy, and we were watching the Incredibles. When the movie finished, he got up, and ran to my office room screaming, " I'm gonna be just like Dash!". When I went to bed later, I found ten thumb tacks in my back and ass. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 18/01/2016 20:04 - Canada - Edmonton

Today,I walked in on my husband trying out my pads and tampons. FML

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By Leleanneee - 18/01/2016 19:44 - United States - Escondido

Today, I walked into Wal-Mart wearing my favorite pajamas. An elderly lady kindly walked up to me and asked if i was okay. I told her i was fine. just tired. she turned and walked away and when she got to the end of the isle she started laughing didnt realize you could see the unicorn underwear FML

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You deserved it 0

By Krycek - 18/01/2016 19:32 - United States

Today, my friends had an intervention for me. Apparently I spend way too much time on this app. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By country1995 - 18/01/2016 19:29 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my boyfriends roomates dogs thought it was a good idea to wake me up with a dead mouse at 7 in the morning. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Spencer_40 - 18/01/2016 19:25 - Canada - Beaverton

Today, while walking home from school and I saw a hot girl. I said that she looked beautiful today and she said to "stop opressing" her. After asking what she was talking about, she started yelling rape at the top of her lungs. She then proceeded to punch me in the face and run. FML

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You deserved it 1

By willela14 - 18/01/2016 19:25 - United States - Delta

Today, me and my brother have the same type of car and his was in the shop. I let him borrow mine and ended up buying a new starter after he broke his key off in my starter because "the same type of car has the same key". FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 19:24

Today my boyfriend and I had sex as his way of trying to make me forget about the pain of my bruised and scraped up knee from tripping on his ill-placed bag; he lasted all of thirty seconds. Now I'm hurt and horny while he's asleep. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 19:23 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my husbands team leader posted more snapchat stories of everyone in his company having fun at another party we weren't invited to. I really don't understand what either of us did. So much for the army being a second family. Fml

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By nothornyanymoreny - 18/01/2016 18:53 - United States - Haughton

Today, my husband and I were about to have shower sex. I waited for the water to warm up, grabbed my robe from the dryer, and returned to my buck naked husband popping the biggest zit I've ever seen on his ass. It squirted everywhere and he wondered why I suddenly wasn't horny anymore. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Kitteh8601 - 18/01/2016 18:51 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my dad was playing with my cat and i was sitting next to my cat. My cat moved forward and swung his right hand to try and scratch my dad's hand. Because of reflexes, my dad moved his left hand away and backhanded me across the face. FML

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You deserved it 0

By alwayslost - 18/01/2016 18:49 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, my fiancé went for what I thought was just a drink with his friends. I later found out it turned in to a plotting session for him to break up with me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By d'Odile - 18/01/2016 18:45 - United States - Green Bay

Today, is my birthday and rather than celebrating, I'm attending a funeral for my abusive father and will be surrounded by people who hate me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By faglio - 18/01/2016 18:42 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, I was trying to look professional while walking with a younger student in school by looking in my calendar while walking. I accidentally missed the stairs and fell down in front of many other students. Everybody laughed. FML

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You deserved it 0

By IamNotSingle... - 18/01/2016 18:25 - Canada - Flin Flon

Today, I am so deprived of sex, that reading an FML post about some guy having a wet dream turned me on. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Busted - 18/01/2016 18:10

Today, I got brutally beaten and was arrested. Apparently laying on the ground with my hands on the top of my head means I am resisting arrest. I hate being black. FML

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You deserved it 0

By anon - 18/01/2016 18:02 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I passed out at school, in the middle of a crowded hallway. No one helped me, I was unconscious for a whole class period. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Soosuj - 18/01/2016 17:51 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I found out that my family is moving in a few days. After we just moved here a month ago. To make it worse I won't have an actual room. Now I'm the new kid at school AGAIN. FML

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You deserved it 0

By srhearrell - 18/01/2016 17:43 - United States - Enon

Today, I had a wet dream. In it, I was totally alone, and wound up pleasuring myself. I can't even dream of a girl who'd want to be with me. FML

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You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 474

You deserved it 6 082

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 405

You deserved it 12 036

Today, I ran into a girl I used to go to school with. We went out for dinner to catch up, and we ended up at my house, watching movies and cuddling. This fantastic and spontaneous date was concluded with several kisses. I dropped her off at her car and drove off. I forgot to get her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 753

You deserved it 64 225

Today, I was walking to a burger joint when a man driving by noticed me and parked. He started following me on foot. I noticed him when he was around 15 feet away. He walked back to his car and left, not caring that his intentions were then obvious, another robbery attempt. Post-pandemic life in California sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 174

Today, while walking alone through a sketchy neighbourhood after a party, I learned that I look too broke to even rob and "not worth the bother". Overhead from a guy waiting for me in a bush with a flashlight and his equally charming friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 370

You deserved it 2 364

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 200

You deserved it 2 638