Nearly FMLs

By ughhhh - 18/01/2016 17:43 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I urgently needed a marrow donor. My brother wouldn't do it because he hated the "pointy needles". FML

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By lucythomson - 18/01/2016 17:28 - United Kingdom - Grays

Today, I got a loud and extremely painful case of the hiccups that wouldn't go away. This wouldn't have been too bad if they hadn't of started midway through an important exam. FML

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By moosemay - 18/01/2016 17:15 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. I was still checking her in at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

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By Leauge - 18/01/2016 17:14 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I found out my parents are second cousins. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 17:13 - United States - Tucson

Today, my boyfriend turned the alarm off in my phone and saw that my ex texted me saying "I had such a great time last week, when can I see you again?". My ex was drunk and texted the wrong person but my boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

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By david - 18/01/2016 17:10

Today, after sleeping with my new girlfriend for the first time we found out she is allergic to semen. Of course the doctor also had to tell her parents exactly what she was allergic to, so when they saw the big angry rash on her face, neck and chest her dad chased me around the hospital. FML

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By Amber702 - 18/01/2016 17:04 - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my ultra religious mother showed up at my apartment unannounced, We had a party the night before and there was evidence all over. She forced me across her lap and spanked my bare butt with a wooden spoon. I will be 21 next week...FML

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By ajaxbuds25 - 18/01/2016 16:59 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just about a month called it off. Turns out if she stayed with me a month her friends would pay her $100. FML

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By DirtyDad - 18/01/2016 16:45 - Canada

Today, my parents surprised me and took me out to lunch. When my mother left to use the washroom, my father said, "Quick! While she's gone! Help me out! You mother keeps finding my porn. What's a 'browser history' and how do I delete it?" FML

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By fuzzy101606 - 18/01/2016 16:42 - Canada - Toronto

Today, My girlfriend and I were lucky to be able to borrow her parents new 2015 Mercedes. After making much effort to get them to like and trust me, everything flopped. Once finishing chores, we had decided it would be fun to take the car out. That was until a cop impounded the car. Byebye trust FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 16:34 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, my girlfriend asked me how I managed to throw out my back so much, since I've been in constant pain for the past few days. I didn't have the heart to tell her that during sex her fat legs crush my entire lower body. She doesn't think she needs to go on a diet soon. FML

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By DafGirl - 18/01/2016 16:23 - Barbados - Hastings

Today I was sending a WhatsApp to my best friend about my boss' poor work ethics. I ended up sending it to the wrong person who is my boss' right hand's woman. I am pretty sure that my FML tomorrow is I am fired. FML

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By anonymous - 18/01/2016 16:21 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I received a message. From a girl I had sexted about a year ago telling me that if I don't send her more nudes that she would post my nudes and my friends nudes online. This can ruin my friends modeling career and my opportunity to go to college. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 15:58 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my big crush that I slept with, and who told me that she really likes me but wasn't quite ready for a relationship started dating a random guy she just met a week later. FML

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By anonymous - 18/01/2016 15:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to try to masturbate. My stepmom decided to come up and say good night and saw me naked under my sheets, with my phone and iPod. She thinks I was FaceTiming or Skyping someone and stripping for them. FML

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By anonymoose - 18/01/2016 15:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, while watching some vines and when one came up with a woman screaming "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU" without reason i threw up. Now my super religious mother thinks I'm A satanist and is forcing me to live in a motel.FML

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By Moshi5567 - 18/01/2016 15:25 - United States

Today, my father said I wasn't responsible enough to live alone. He said this while he was called our cable because he forgot to pay the bill again. The bill which I've told him about 4 out of 5 times. FML

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By AnonymousAF - 18/01/2016 15:25 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my spouse, and I decided to let her ride my face, she was enjoying it so much she jerked so hard and I ended up licking her asshole. I'm not saying I'm mad at her but I could of went the rest of my life without eating ass. FML.

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By GraceWaldorf93 - 18/01/2016 14:31 - Belize - Belize City

Today, for the 3rd night straight, I noticed my boyfriend stopped talking to me much. I called him and he said he was off to bed and not text him, I asked him what's wrong and told him that he can talk to me about anything. He hung up and sent me a text saying, 'Oh yeah, you're single now. Bye.' FML

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By WreckeRalph36 - 18/01/2016 14:31 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I picked up my Jeep after having it shipped cross country. Would've been good news but now requires $2,000 worth of repairs after my 'friend' had too much fun before it was placed on the truck.

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By Anoxis - 18/01/2016 14:22 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I'm on a boat with my friend and their family... An argument broke out between my friend and his mother and now I'm awkwardly sitting in my cabin... FML

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By deadpiggy - 18/01/2016 14:05 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I found out that when you pee in a dream, you pee for real. FML

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By danishguy - 18/01/2016 14:03 - Denmark - Charlottenlund

Today, i got marked absent for a class that wasn't absent to. This is the third time this week. FML

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By chuckmaddah - 18/01/2016 13:58 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I was looking for jobs. My mum came in asking me what I was doing, I replied looking for a job. She said she wouldn't drive me into town (we live on a farm 30Km away from the main town) I said okay why did you stop giving me pocket money. She replied with "it's time you got a job." FML I

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 13:56

Today, while at a restaurant, my dad willingly bought me buffet privileges. I later vomited all over the table in front of everyone after my dad pushed to eat more than I could handle, because he wanted to get his money's worth from the buffet. FML

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By Sultana with wings - 18/01/2016 13:19 - Australia

Today, my little brother excitedly ran up to me to show of the sultana he had just found on the window ledge, when I told him not to eat it because it was a dead fly he quickly shoved it in his mouth because he thought I wanted to eat it. FML

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By Influenza - 18/01/2016 13:17 - United States

Today, I've had the flu for a few days and couldn't go to work so my brother took all of my shifts during that time. When I returned they told me I was fired and my brother was replacing me. Later that day my girlfriend said she couldn't date a guy with no job and left me, for him.

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By unluckytraveler - 18/01/2016 13:02 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was on a 9-hour flight. In addition to awful period cramps, I got severe gastric distress and diarrhea on the plane. The turbulence on the flight was the worst I've ever seen, causing me to feel nauseous and making everything else worse. I wasn't in an aisle seat. FML

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By Tus42 - 18/01/2016 12:42 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I have a burn on my chin that looks a lot like a cold sore. How I got it, you ask? I was eating pizza and got burning hot tomato sauce all over myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 12:34 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Today, just as I was drifting off to sleep, I dreamed about the time I fell down the stairs. I jerked awake so hard that I fell out of bed. FML

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The Top

Today, I have fibromyalgia and ADHD. I either have no energy, no focus, or no energy for anything, or I burn out trying to do everything. Meanwhile, my mother is adamant that I can be "cured" if I stop eating sugar. I'm allergic to most sweeteners and she won't believe me, and thinks she knows better than my doc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 123

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

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You deserved it 3 752

Today, I had an very long day at work. I also had to take my daughter to the dentist and ballet class. Later, my 3 year-old son was having a diarrhoea, needing care, yet I pulled myself up, cooked, fed, read, cleaned the whole house except the kids' bedroom. My brother-in-law came, looked only at that and judged me horribly. FML

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Today, on our twelfth wedding anniversary, my wife fell asleep at a fine dining restaurant table within seconds of asking me about my exciting job interview. FML

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Today, after my boyfriend used to tell me that, with his demanding job, he just didn’t have the time or energy for a meaningful conversation with me. Thanks to COVID, he works 90% less now, finding time for online college, cooking and new furniture, yet didn’t invest even one extra minute into our couple. FML

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Today, my friend told me she had a stalker who had been emailing her. I laughed, and told her it was probably some fat, ugly virgin sat behind his computer all day. I then continued to describe and mock the stalker, only to realise that I was basically describing myself. FML

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