Nearly FMLs

By RandomJam124 - 19/01/2016 02:09 - United States - Hoboken

Today, my dad called. He's been away from home for months. I picked up the phone first, but my mom got upset so I handed it to her. She proceeded to yell at my dad about his own parents. When he didn't agree with what she was saying, she got angry with me and left the house. FML

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By Logan - 19/01/2016 02:01 - United States - Tucson

Today, My sister took my dirt bike for a ride right after me and my dad did a whole front end repair. She crashed. Almost broke her ankle again. Scraped all of my new $150 plastics and bent my shifter after five minutes of riding it. The cause of the crash a stick. FML

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By iSOLO - 19/01/2016 01:57 - United States - Berkley

Today, I got kicked in the nuts sliding into home plate at finals of a tournament baseball game. I was called out. FML

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By concussed - 19/01/2016 01:40 - United States

Today, my aunt slammed the car door on my head. Twice. FML.

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By iamnotcrazy - 19/01/2016 01:36 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a beauty cosmetic sales assistant suddenly popped out from nowhere and started shoving face cream and sea salt on my hand whilst I was walking at the mall. In shock, I roughly shoved her away from me thinking she was crazy. I'm now banned from a shop I never even entered. FML

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By boogie man - 19/01/2016 01:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, for some screwed up reason, my family has a habit of flicking their boogers in a random direction after digging their nose. Guess where it landed when my sister flicked hers. My hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 01:21 - United States - Maumelle

Today, I had to sit down and explain to my 23-year-old brother that cats are not the only species in which the females have hymens. He recently got a bachelor's in biology, and I have no idea how he could not have known that. FML.

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By anonymous - 19/01/2016 01:17 - Canada

Today,me and my husband were getting it on and it was getting hot and steamy and after I got into sexy bra and panties from la senza and after about 30 minutes he stopped and started watching porn cause apparently I was boring him. FML

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By Brain bleach please - 19/01/2016 01:14 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, I woke up and, ready to enjoy my day off, walked downstairs to watch TV. Right outside the glass sliding door, my dog and a stray were doing it. FML

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By ThisLittlePiggy - 19/01/2016 01:06 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I realised that I'd rather have sex with my husband's fingers than his penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 00:58 - United States - Mccomb

Today, I found out about a thing called "workman's compensation." I hate my job and don't get paid much, so I went to lengths to hurt myself badly in the hope of getting paid for it. Only afterward was I informed my shift had ended two minutes earlier. FML.

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By Leauge - 19/01/2016 00:49 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I discovered my parents are first cousins. FML

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By sanraishere9090 - 19/01/2016 00:39 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my sister went to go check on my husband because he was sick. went i got home i saw he was already cured while he was sleeping naked next to my sister. FML

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By GodDamnYouMotherNature - 19/01/2016 00:27 - United States - Sperry

Today, I forgot I was on my period while taking a shower. When I looked down at the shower floor and saw blood everywhere, I freaked out and slipped on the water. In the process of the fall, I broke the shower curtain, as well as two ribs and my wrist. I'm writing this from a hospital bed. FML

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By hairycatlady - 19/01/2016 00:04 - Australia - Reservoir

Today, my cat decided my arms were so hairy they needed grooming. She's right. FML

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By Oops - 19/01/2016 00:01 - United States - Grand Junction

Today I clicked the button on the wall to open the garage door as I normally would, and I got in my car to leave. It wasn't until I heard my trunk hit the door that I realized the door had stopped going up about midway. I'm dog sitting, so this is not even my house. FML.

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By smells like dirty socks - 18/01/2016 23:59 - United States - Farmersville

Today, I was showing my friend the beautiful mountain view I have from my new house. Or was rather, because she pointed out it is not in fact a scenic mountain, but a huge landfill of trash. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 23:44 - United States

Today I decided would be the perfect day to propose to my girlfriend. I told I wouldn't be home till really late but in reality I took the day off and waited for her to come home from work. Well when she did come home she wasn't alone. FML

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By anonymous - 18/01/2016 23:42 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I did not add my kid to my dental insurance because she had perfect teeth. Fast forward 4 months later and she has four cavities that will cost $5,000 to cap. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 23:41 - United States - Chandler

Today, my boyfriend stood me up for our date after ignoring me for the last day and a half. When asked why, he told me to mind my own business because he doesn't share personal information with just anyone. FML

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By ugh - 18/01/2016 23:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while working on my final paper that's due tomorrow my wifi broke down. It's -5 degrees outside and I don't own a car. The nearest wifi network is over a mile away. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 23:35 - United States

Today was my 16th birthday and I have been hinting at a surprise party all year. I waited all day for the surprise until I finally decided to talk to my parents. Their response? "It's your birthday?" FML

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By piper182 - 18/01/2016 23:33 - United States

Today, I finished a outpatient sleep study for my insomnia. The dr's immediate diagnosis is that I am not good at sleeping. Pretty sure I already knew that... FML

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By w8er - 18/01/2016 23:32 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was tipped in Monopoly money. FML

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By kittykat1501 - 18/01/2016 23:21 - United States

Today, my grandma is staying over indefinitely. this is the same one who forced my sisters and I to change outside after going swimming so the floor wouldn't get wet. FML

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By slingerslasher - 18/01/2016 23:19 - United States - Palisades

Today, I took off a wool sweater, unleashing a massive wave of static electricity into my hair. Not one to worry about my appearance, I went about my day. Turns out, my normally-long hair, when combined with static, restyles itself into a neo-Nazi 'do. I've been getting nasty looks all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 22:57

Today, I finally realised what my best friend's new haircut, the one she's so happy with, reminds me of: He-man. She's already asked me why I keep staring and told me it makes her feel self-conscious.FML.

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By toophotogenic - 18/01/2016 22:45 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was too scared to send photos of our relationship to my ex because I know they'd upload them and doxx me. Now I have to choose between sending them or my ex uploading an inappropriate video of me. Either way I'm screwed. FML

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By trashy waste of money ): - 18/01/2016 22:36 - United States - Newark

Today, I was showing my friend the beautiful mountain view I have from my new house. Or was rather, because she pointed out it is not in fact a mountain, but a huge landfill of trash. FML

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By maidofhorror - 18/01/2016 22:24 - United States - Jamestown

Today, 5 minutes before walking down the aisle, my maid of honor told me how she's been in love with my husband-to-be for over 6 months and had to "get it off her chest". FML

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The Top

Today, my boss held a staff meeting to talk about how the Covid-19 pandemic has made us stronger, that all of us are family. Later, my car broke down after work, she drove by, saw me stranded on the road and we made eye contact. I thought she was going to help me, but she drove right on by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 144

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 917

You deserved it 91 057

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 153

You deserved it 42 092

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

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You deserved it 45 541

Today, my parents couldn’t keep it civil long enough to get through my wedding without causing a massive scene. My wife was so upset, she got through the “I do’s” then left crying without waiting for the photos, so now we don’t have an official wedding album, just poor quality Facebook pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 149

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 228

You deserved it 2 505