Nearly FMLs

By NoHero - 19/01/2016 14:42 - Germany - Munich

Today, I saw a girl being harassed by three young man. After trying to speak with them, they tried to attack me and it ended with me beating the shit out of them. The girl took the opportunity to vanish. In the end I got arrested. FML

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By Awkward - 19/01/2016 14:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my best friend was playing Colour Switch, he set his high score and told me I couldn't beat it, I did. He kicked me out at 3 am pretty much naked and wouldn't give me the keys for my ride home that I left in his flat, along with the rest of my stuff. FML.

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 13:47 - United States - Akron

Today, I popped a boner while in class. The teacher thought it was a phone, so he grabbed it. FML

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By GraceWaldorf93 - 19/01/2016 13:33 - Belize - Belize City

Today, my fiance took my 5 year old son over to my mom's so he can go pick me up at the airport after a week long business trip. When we got back, my son jumped into my fiance's arms and cried, 'Daddy, where were you? I missed you so much!' I missed you too, son, thanks. FML

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By Tryna get laid - 19/01/2016 13:32 - United States - Watonga

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time, when her younger sister walked into the room, proceeded to sing loudly and off key. We told her to leave but she just sang louder... Talk about a turn off.. FML

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By foreverlosing1 - 19/01/2016 13:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I made breakfast for my boyfriend, bacon and eggs on toast a coffee already for when he got out of bed and the first thing he said when he saw it was "where's the tomato sauce?" FML

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By scaredoftinder - 19/01/2016 13:15 - United States - Palo

Today, I met this seemingly amazing girl from tinder at a casual party. She got so drunk she couldn't sit in a chair, pointed out every guy she's hooked up with, told me in detail about drunkenly driving into a ditch the day before, signed a guys ass and then vomitted everywhere. Peace! FML.

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By AnnoyedChild - 19/01/2016 12:43 - Australia - New Lambton

Today, my dad learned how to play Candy Crush. That wouldn't be bad by itself, but my mum also plays, and on the same device. She's now getting annoyed at me for using up all of her lives and refuses to talk to me. FML.

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By JustPerfect1997 - 19/01/2016 12:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with a migraine due to my sinus' being blocked. This is because my boyfriend's house is always freezing and he won't turn the heating on. I have a bladder problem already, and have just discovered I have diaherrea. I have college today. FML

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By sunkissedevil - 19/01/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I showed up to my overnight shift sick, but okay enough to work. Too bad my quadriplegic client was throwing up all night from food poisoning. Thank you PM shift for feeding him spoiled onions. They smell even better when drenched in bile. FML

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By Fuck my college education, apparently - 19/01/2016 09:23 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I found out that losing one of my best friends in a car accident and falling into a deep depression, as well as beginning to have panic attacks, isn't a good enough reason for me to get my financial aid back for school. Now I either have to find $8,000 by Saturday or drop out. FML

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By person - 19/01/2016 09:12 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time and I got a bunch of ingrown hairs.... My new guy said it looks like herpes !! Fml

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By Pandasaur_Death - 19/01/2016 09:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend of 4 weeks proposed to me, when I said no, she tried to stab me. Looks like I'm spending Valentine's Day alone. FML

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By Bluvnhumboldt - 19/01/2016 08:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was riding the bus and my stop was next. But my motion sickness took over and puked right next to driver just before stopping at my bus stop. Totally mortified...FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 08:22 - United States - Decatur

Today, I texted a guy I had met online. He didn't remember me and decided to tell me; he didn't want to date. We met on a DATING site. FML.

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By SilentLegend - 19/01/2016 07:17 - United States - Kent

Today, I got a speeding ticket while going with the flow of traffic, only a few days after buying my dream car, Chevy Camaro, in which, it took me weeks to convince my parents that I would not speed. Guess who doesn't have a car anymore. FML

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By Pineapple_Salad - 19/01/2016 06:54 - Australia - Perth

Today, in Health class, we were discussing bad pick-up lines with the teacher and my friend said "there's only going to be 7 planets after tonight when I destroy Uranus". I got detention for laughing so hard. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 06:52

Today, I went to a church camp. The guy I like is a leader; I'm 17 and he's 21. He moved to sit next to me a couple times and he kept looking at me. I started blushing really hard until he said, "You know, I used to think you looked just like your dad, but you look exactly like your mom!" FML.

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By Pineapple_Salad - 19/01/2016 06:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, I walked in on my little sister with tampons in her ears and she said to me, "these earplugs are really good, the string is really handy". FML

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By idiot2.0 - 19/01/2016 06:34 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I was running and I tripped on air in the middle of town and now my entire knees and forearms have road rash and won't stop bleeding. I had to run back to my hotel but I can't bend my legs so I was running around like a penguin, covered in blood. No one tried to help me. FML

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By sapphielily - 19/01/2016 06:05 - United States - Newington

Today I found out my phone has not been sending out any texts. My boyfriend and I had a huge fight a couple of days ago and he thought I've been purposefully ignoring all of his messages. This led to another fight. FML.

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By idefka - 19/01/2016 05:43 - United States

Today, I unlocked my daughters room to see her exerscising naked covered in plastic wrap. FML

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By wellshit - 19/01/2016 04:59 - United States - Clovis

My roommate is having phone sex with her boyfriend in her bed a few feet away from mine. She just mentioned she's using my hairbrush instead of a vibrator because I refused to buy pizza for dinner earlier today.

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By scared stepmom - 19/01/2016 04:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my stepson jerking off, he thought that I would punish him "the way they do in porn movies". He turns 16 in March.

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By jamieblue6 - 19/01/2016 04:52 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend decided to use $400 to bail out his jailbird cousin, instead of saving that money to move us and our baby out of my parents' house. I have a bad feeling that we're gonna be living here for a long time.

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By frustrated - 19/01/2016 04:36 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I found out my closest friend and her husband are expecting, and didn't want to have another baby. Also 3 other girls who I went to high school with are unexpectedly pregnant, all by meth head losers. My husband and I have been trying for 7 months and all my periods have been on time. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 04:36 - United States

I woke up with red dots all over my arms so, thinking it was chicken pox, I rushed to the doctor. Turns out it was just something that can happen before you develop a cold. I was sent home with a sticker. That was the most expensive sticker ever.

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By anon_upset - 19/01/2016 04:31

Today, I just found out that my "best friend" started dating my ex-boyfriend. She was the one who convinced me to dump him when I wasn't sure. FML

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By And He's only 14 - 19/01/2016 04:29 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, My brother said I looked like one of his favorite actors, not knowing who he was I looked him up. He's a gay porn star.FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 04:25 - United States - Brighton

I got a bill from an urgent care visit a couple of weeks ago.I was so sick I couldn't call the facility to find out if they took my insurance so my mom did. The woman said "yes". The insurance company denied all my claims and I now owe $450. The cost for an uninsured visit is $100.

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The Top

Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 257

You deserved it 311

Today, my father-in law-shared his opinion that autistic kids should be beaten until they act normal. He saw fit to share this while my autistic son was having a meltdown because my father-in-law came to the house without warning, and my son violently hates visitors without prior warning. FML

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Today, my dog celebrated my coming home by slapping me in the junk repeatedly with his tail. FML

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You deserved it 191

Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML

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You deserved it 273

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

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You deserved it 2 497

Today, I found out the day manager has been illegally entering my apartment when I’m not home. My car was in the shop, so when he saw my parking spot empty, he came right on in. I was just getting out of the shower and was standing stark naked. He didn’t even try to explain. Just smirked. FML

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