Nearly FMLs

By Stairs - 19/01/2016 19:09 - United States

Today, at the college I work at, we had a student come in the gym asking where the stairs are and how to access them. They are right in front of the front entrance in plain sight. FML

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By Help - 19/01/2016 18:59 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me. Over text. For her abusive ex. FML

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By J-Crew - 19/01/2016 18:58 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I was at a party in hopes of getting laid for the first time. The perfect candidate walked up to me and began to touch me, but I never seemed to get the message. After she showed me a picture of her naked and asked what I thought she realized I was wasting her time. I said "nice". FML

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By TiffyTaffy96 - 19/01/2016 18:57 - United States - Wichita

Today, I had to have a state cop come out with me to my car while I was leaving work so my psycho ex boyfriend doesn't try to come by me again. FML

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By Tigris474 - 19/01/2016 18:56 - United States - Newton

Today, I threw my back out. I haver never been in so much pain. I have to have my family help me with everything, down to walking to the bathroom... I'm 21 years old and I have the back of a 75 year old man. FML.

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By video_games_and_ - 19/01/2016 18:54 - Canada - Miramichi

Today, I just realized that I'd lost my Blastoise plushie within a few hours of buying it yesterday evening. The reason I bought it in the first place was out of nostalgia because when I was about 10 I'd won one at a fair and lost it the next day. FML

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By anon - 19/01/2016 18:51 - United States - Poteau

Today, I was at the airport and decided to use the bathroom before my flight. I was washing my hands and saw a woman walk in. She walked out, then back in looking confused. I checked the sign as I left. I was in the women's bathroom. I'm a male. The police saw me and now I'm in trouble. FML

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By millie14225 - 19/01/2016 18:32 - United States

Today, I worked a 12 hour shift, starting at 2:30 am. I'm in a lot of pain, due to the kidney stones that I am passing. Satan's waterfall started today, thank you mother nature. I came home to find cat vomit all over the house. FML

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By Dirtlot - 19/01/2016 18:24 - United States - Melrose Park

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend at my friends house, I flushed my condom down the toilet, not knowing that condoms don't flush. I found out by my friends mom telling me that her youngest son found it and asked her what it was. FML

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You deserved it 1

By fishayyyyy - 19/01/2016 18:11 - United States - Huntington

Today, I was in my math class and I really had to use the restroom, but my teacher told me that I would have to wait after the lesson was over. He kept teaching for over 30 minutes and I couldn't hold it anymore and I peed in the chair and then I just left the classroom. FML

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By adminwork - 19/01/2016 18:02 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I showed up to a lunch date with a friend and realized a half hour later that he texted he wouldn't be able to meet for another hour FML

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By mortified - 19/01/2016 17:46 - United States - Youngstown

Today, I had a seizure. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had it as I was walking into the shower. So, my dad got to find me unconscious, and butt naked on the bathroom floor. I'm seventeen. FML

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By Bacon0426 - 19/01/2016 17:43 - United States - Brockton

Today, I fell asleep when writing an essay and my cat felt the need to sleep with me, on my laptop, pressing the power button and forever deleting my essay FML.

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By pcbetrayal - 19/01/2016 17:12 - United States - Jamaica Plain

Today, after a month of planning under a Tight budget, I sneakily ordered The perfect gift from Amazon for my wife. I removed all traces of it except the email from Amazon. Only to realise I left my PC on and it was displaying the order proudly for my wife when she woke up. FML

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By transjesus - 19/01/2016 17:12 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I am in the stall of a public bathroom and there is only one piece of toilet roll left. I just took a shit and I am on my period. FML

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By OnlySkyrimStays - 19/01/2016 17:08 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I broke my thumb from popping bubble wrap. FML.

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By stargirl_95 - 19/01/2016 17:07 - South Africa - Rhodes

Today, I received a phonecall from a self professed nice guy asking me why I have such issues trusting people. It was the same guy who got my number without permission from a security book and ignored my multiple, polite but firm, rejections until I blocked him on whatsapp. FML

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By Theregoesmyvacation - 19/01/2016 17:06 - United States - Clyde

Today, as I was sitting at a red light, I saw an out-of-control semi hit a man, who was walking in the crosswalk. He landed in front of my car, dead, and without an arm. FML.

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By 5729 - 19/01/2016 17:01 - United States

Today, my sister acted up so badly that my mom, for the first time, smacked her on the face. I reacted the way any awkward person would - laugh. Now I have a raging sister and the giggles. FML.

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 17:00 - United States - Clyde

Today, after cooking dinner, my 10-year-old brother decided to tell me that he thinks the shrimp is disgusting and that "it looks like those babies, you know, the dead ones." FML.

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By lesbian - 19/01/2016 16:49 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, me and my girlfriend of 3 years where gonna get intimate (we are lesbians). And we're getting into it and she yells out "I'm straight". Later I come home to find her banging my best friend who's also lesbian....FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 16:27 - United States - Austin

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the middle of having amazing sex when he quickly pulled out saying, "I cant do this anymore" all because my new haircut makes him think hes fucking Dora.

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By The_Potato_Lord - 19/01/2016 16:25 - United States - Charleston

Today, I went to school with a giant penis on my face. FML

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By worst0 - 19/01/2016 16:08 - Norway - Lillehammer

Today, I went to see my crush. We were sitting on his bed and talking when he suddenly interrupted me and told me that he loved me. The moment he said that, I looked up, farted, and said "I LOVE HER TOO". He has not talked to me since. FML

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By lesnotbehonest - 19/01/2016 16:03

Today, my dad told me that the only reason he's still married to my mom is because she calls him Daddy. FML

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By GoPats87 - 19/01/2016 15:49 - United States

Today, I discovered my wife of 5 years cheated on me with one of her employees. After several tearful and heartfelt discussions, we decided to commit to repairing our marriage. Two days later I came home and saw them "talking". FML

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By rip - 19/01/2016 15:28 - United States

Today, for the past few days I had been hoping my school didn't change my schedule, as it was the first one for years that I had enjoyed and I do better academically when I know people in my classes. They changed all of my classes, and I don't know anyone in my new classes. FML

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By SilentLegend - 19/01/2016 15:21 - United States - Bothell

Today, I got a speeding ticket only a few days after buying a new car. In which it took me over a month to convince my parents that I would not speed. Guess who doesn't have a car anymore. FML

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By nonononoplease - 19/01/2016 15:16 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I went to see The Revenant, the theater was full so we had to sit behind a group of 12-year-olds. One who got out his phone every 2 minutes to text his "lover??". I had an anxiety attack because I couldn't focus on the movie and I didn't have enough self esteem to ask him to put it away. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 15:04 - United States - Hammond

Today I realized the plan my husband has for my birthday, watch the superbowl and order a pizza. Last week for his birthday I took him to an upscale restaurant and spent over $200. FML

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The Top

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 001

You deserved it 15 634

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 842

You deserved it 2 488

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 842

You deserved it 6 080

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 107

You deserved it 18 524

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 654

You deserved it 156

Today, while stripping the bed, I noticed black dots on my husband's side of the mattress, and only on his side. That’s when I realised it was mould, because he doesn’t like to towel dry, he likes to let the fan dry him while he’s lying on the bed wet and warm, perfect for mould. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 84