Today, I want a baby, but suddenly my partner says he doesn't want any kids because he already has a child. With another woman. He's not been part of the mother's or child's life in over 7 years. FML
Today, during my weekly search through my daughter’s phone, I found out she joined a number of Facebook groups I didn’t know about. They were all about surviving toxic and abusive mothers. FML
Today, I was cleaning my recently late uncle's house. I found an old framed photo of a boy aged about 3. He's naked and shyly smiling to the camera, holding a heart-shaped sign that reads, "My penis is small, but my love is BIG." I showed it to my mom and asked who it was. She just snorted and said, "You were his favorite!" FML
Today, I knew my son was obsessed with Anime, which is fine because he has a job, and seems like a functional human being, but this afternoon he sent out invites to all our relatives to a virtual reality wedding, where he will marry some sort of nonexistent cartoon girl called "Wife Fu." FML
Today, I got my 9 year-old daughter back from a sleepover at my mum's. My 17 year-old niece was also staying there at the same time, and heard my daughter complaining that her fringe was in her eyes. My niece decided to cut my daughter's hair. There are now chunks missing and it's all uneven. No one asked my permission. FML
Today, and as of late, I have been struggling with the fact my child passed away. I guess that's considered weak, well according to the child's father it is, which is news to me. I thought it was a pretty normal reaction, but I guess not. Merry Christmas to me. FML
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years-old. FML
Today, I realized am THAT parent: I put a lot of pressure on my 8 year-old (!) daughter, because I hope she succeeds professionally and will have the self-confidence I lack. Why do I rather stay at home and lack self-confidence? Because my own mother put me under so much pressure and drowned me in her expectations. FML
Today, whilst showing my kids how to replace a light bulb safely, I gave myself and electric shock, and dropped the bulb. Twice in a row. In hindsight I should have let my husband do all the DIY-based educating, since I now have a glass shard in my big toe. FML
Today, I had a really shitty fight with my dad. We were standing in front of each other, screaming and yelling. Everything gets so complicated and annoying when it comes to him, and I vividly have some deep daddy issues which affect my everyday life. FML
Today, I went to a Nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming, "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML
Today, I watched my future son-in-law try and fail to parallel park 8 times before he gave up and started crying. That’s the 4th time he’s cried this weekend. I’m trying so hard to understand why my daughter loves him. He’s an unemployed little crybaby, with a man bun. FML
Today, my 16-year-old daughter handed me the picture she wants TV reports to use if ever she happens to get kidnapped. FML
Today, six years after I gave up my newborn to my sister to raise, I finally told him I’m his real mom. In response, my sister took out a restraining order against me and blocked all forms of contact. The entire family has sided with her. FML
Today, after meeting the love of my life two weeks ago and moving him in to start our life together, my kids have run off to live with their dads. Apparently they are “not dealing with another new dad.” FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter thought it was funny that the chicken on her plate and chickens on farms are called the same name. I had my mouth full so I couldn’t stop my rotten eldest son from saying, “That’s because chicken is dead chickens.” Cue her crying while my son cackled like a sociopath. FML
Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
Today, my abusive mom just moved into my house, within two weeks of me losing my job. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, my son spilled his milk at the table. My wife got in his face and screamed that he took her body, her career, her friends, and her life from her, then stormed out of the house. He won't stop wailing and crying, she won't answer her phone, and I'm completely shattered. FML
Today, I got home and once again my mom started shouting at me for ignoring her and never visiting. For context, I moved from London to Yorkshire to escape the evil cow. She not only found me, she bought the house next door to mine and moved in. I can’t afford to move again any time soon. FML
Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML
Today, I left my four month-old daughter with my boyfriend of three weeks so I could go shopping in peace. I came home four hours later to find her screaming, hungry, with a dirty diaper. When I asked why he didn't do anything to help her, he said, "Why should I? She's not my kid." FML
Today, I spent yet another lunch venting to my best friend about how much I hate my teenage son's girlfriend, thinking he should be with someone less outspoken. Apparently she got tired of listening because she eventually snapped, "Oh for god's sake, just admit you want to fuck your son already!" and left. FML
Today, despite being the first to hold all my other grandchildren, despite my son and bitch of a daughter-in-law agreeing I would be the first, I showed up at the hospital to see my daughter-in-law's father holding my grandchild before me. FML
Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML
Today, I was teasing my son about all the newlywed sex he must be having. He turned bright red and ended up admitting that because they stayed virgins until marriage they were too nervous to try on the wedding night, or on the honeymoon, or anytime since then. The wedding was 4 months ago. FML
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