Happy Birthday to the Ground

By FML Approved - 11/09/2017 22:31

So many FMLs happen on birthdays. They should probably be avoided altogether.

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 129

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Top comments

empbob 20

Tuesday 12 September 2017 2:55

Why the hell would you try to push someone's face into a cake covered in lit candles?

Madrias 36

Tuesday 12 September 2017 4:07

Because they haven't found a cure for stupid quite yet.

Comments

jfsiv 17

Monday 11 September 2017 22:57

Look! they got you an upside down cake!

mike3775 35

Monday 11 September 2017 23:37

The look on the guys face was totally worth watching this

empbob 20

Tuesday 12 September 2017 2:55

Why the hell would you try to push someone's face into a cake covered in lit candles?

Madrias 36

Tuesday 12 September 2017 4:07

Because they haven't found a cure for stupid quite yet.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Wednesday 13 September 2017 4:59

I never understood why people try to slam other people's heads into a cake on their birthday. It's rude and wasteful, not to mention messy. Same with brides and grooms smearing their wedding cake all over each other's face.

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The Top

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 465

You deserved it 4 807

Today, I'd been sat in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars, and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through, I heard a tap on my driver's window. It was a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 258

You deserved it 152 405

The Top

Today, my wife screamed to stop the car in an intersection, so I slammed on the brakes. From the left, an SUV rammed full force into us. My wife is unharmed, but I now have a broken left arm and our car is totaled. On the bright side, she caught the Pokémon in the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 610

You deserved it 940

Today, I came out to my mormon mother as a pan enby, and told her I wanted to change my name. She asked how I came to this conclusion, so I told her how I’ve been secretly doing research on the topic. She says she supports me, but claims I broke her trust by lying for so long to avoid possible homophobia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 526

Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I'm pansexual. I said attracts what me to him is his intelligence and personality, and would still love him whether or not he had a penis. Turns out a 100% straight cis man can prioritise his penis over his intelligence and personality, because he's really offended now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 1 223

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 333

You deserved it 278

Today, my son brought his new girlfriend home. I took him aside and hugged him, reassuring him that I loved and accepted him no matter his sexual preference. He looked at me confused and asked what I meant. His girl was obviously trans, but he had no idea. I didn’t know he didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 346

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 1 974