Health

But… the economy!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2022 00:00

Today, I found out that my boss was actually legally obligated to send me to the hospital after I was hit on the head while working. I had to finish the entire work day while heavily concussed, and by the time I got to the ER I had lost complete feeling in my right side. They asked me to come in the day after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 106

Shit song

By Lord_Nick - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Québec

Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 488

You deserved it 1 800

Messed up

By Anonymous - 04/07/2022 15:30 - India - Gurgaon

Today, my brain is all messed up, and my stomach is churning at the thought of going to school, which starts from tomorrow. I was never like this before the lockdown at least. I liked going to school; now I despise it. My social life is now shit, and I have no idea if my mental health is alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 180

Not helping, dude

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, a girl in my glass was complaining that her neck hurt. I thought if I forcibly turned her head side-to-side, it would instantly fix it like in the movies. It didn't. She was in so much pain, she couldn't even talk, and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 2 798

Fireball

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 22:00

Today, I went into work to finish one last task, but decided to also have a fire in the pit. I grabbed the wrong can of fuel and ended up taking a fireball to the face, singed the hair on my head, arms, and I have to shave my beard off… Well, what’s left of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 1 038

Slippery when oiled

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 12:00

Today, as I walked with a coworker to my office through a gas station, I slid on some oil and fell right on my ass. He helped by holding my lunch. My jeans are ruined and I'm too broke to buy a new pair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 114

Giga barf

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 06:00

Today, some woman, sick with god knows what, didn’t vomit into the bin next to my car, or even just onto the floor, she lurched over to my car and vomited through my open window onto my shirt and legs, and down into the footwell. I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 102

Splat!

By Anonymous - 02/07/2022 14:00

Today, because I have an inner ear problem which gives me major vertigo and nausea, I spontaneously projectile vomited all over my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 90

Winding me up

By Do I Smell Bad Or Something? - 02/07/2022 10:00

Today, I got a phone call from the psychiatrist I had an appointment with next week, telling me that they need to postpone, and the next available session is in three months. This is the fourth time this has happened to me in the last year, with the third doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 77

Irony stress

By Anonymous - 02/07/2022 06:00

Today, someone stole my Amazon delivery of stress balls from my apartment’s mail room. Now I’m more stressed than before about my stuff getting stolen, and have no stress ball to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 129

The state of sex ed

By Jon - 01/07/2022 20:00 - Canada - Kanata

Today, I'm a divorced father, and my daughter is having a sleepover with 5 friends. They are about to jump in the hot tub and one of them is using one of my girlfriend's tampons. This led to a discussion about virginity and hymens. The quality of sex ed in my province is terrible, but I'm hiding instead of correcting them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 500

Let it bleed

By breza - 01/07/2022 14:00 - Slovenia

Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 192

Collector's item

By Shepaintsmusic - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 779

You deserved it 2 904

Spill the T

By Elliott - 01/07/2022 00:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was diagnosed with female arousal disorder, due to a disability of mine causing low testosterone levels. I've never been able to achieve an orgasm due to this. My doctor said I should just deal with it, because the remedy would make me masculine and I'm a "beautiful woman." I don't even care anymore, just let me come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 180

Drunken mess

By SlutRobot6000 - 01/07/2022 04:00

Today, I'm using mold and mildew stain remover on my mattress, all because I threw up on it drunk, and was to lazy to clean it up when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 1 319

Living free

By WhatTheFuck - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Bridgeview

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 815

You deserved it 1 823

Gumbo time

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 18:00

Today, I cooked for the future in-laws and was accused of trying to poison them. Absolutely no one told me, even as they watched me cook shrimp and smoked sausage gumbo, that my mother-in-law is deathly allergic to shellfish and my father-in-law gets severe diarrhoea when he eats pork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 129

Fancy seeing you here

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 16:00

Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487

You deserved it 229

Bad timing

By Bogrbon - 30/06/2022 04:00

Today, on the first day of the first week off together with my family in six months, we’re all quarantined with positive COVID tests. By the time we’re off quarantine, I’ll be back at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 164

Don't know, don't care

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 00:00

Today, I called my mom to let her know that my father, her ex-husband, suffered a series of mini strokes. Her reply was essentially, "Oh that sucks. Are you still taking your grandmother to lunch sometime this week?" Dad lives halfway across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 175

Special case

By Anonymous - 29/06/2022 13:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, and every time I meet a new therapist for support, I’m told that my issues are out of their scope of practice, and I get referred to someone who’s supposed to more experienced, and then get told the same thing. I’m too fucked up to even get the therapy I need to get better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 192

Headshot

By owowowow - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 728

You deserved it 7 743

Trust your gut

By no more please - 29/06/2022 03:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I once again argued over expiration dates. He says I’m paranoid and wasteful. I finally gave in and ate some food I wasn’t so sure of. Well, his innards must be made of vibranium because I’m currently in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after puking for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 288

Superficial

By Bram - 29/06/2022 00:00

Today, I confessed to my husband that after having my eating disorder under control the last two years, I've relapsed the last three months. He responded by telling me to keep it up, because he wants to have the hottest wife out of all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 141

Rats!

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 13:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, I'm feeling extremely sick and itchy. I'd bought rats as pets to help with my anxiety, and they gave me ringworm. I now have ringworm in about nine places on my body, including my face. I don’t know which one is worse, being dizzy from the medication or the itching. I’m feeling more anxious than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 605

Bad aim

By goldengirl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 663

You deserved it 17 037

Nice guy

By Amy - 28/06/2022 06:00

Today, three weeks after I gave birth to a stillborn, my now ex-husband told me he’s leaving me for his pregnant coworker. It’s his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 159

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 366

Dream baby dream

By NewDadHurtBad - 27/06/2022 09:00 - Canada - Quesnel

Today, for the third time in 3 months, my pregnant wife woke me up by slapping me because I cheated on her in her dreams. I would never cheat on my wife, and she blames it on "pregnancy brain." There's still 5 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 162

Pros and cons

By Anonymous - 27/06/2022 12:00

Today, I realised that I can't orgasm if I don't relax enough to let myself fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 238

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was logging into my work computer. My account became locked due to the many failed attempts at typing my password. Thinking I was alone, I said, “Fuck this shit” while dragging the keyboard off my desk. Turns out my supervisor was in the other room. I'd forgotten I'd changed my password the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 1 044

Today, I went to the hairdressers for a quick cut and wash. I didn't expect my ear to be included in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 902

You deserved it 306

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 076

You deserved it 2 807

Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said, "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 898

You deserved it 3 977

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 851

You deserved it 4 755

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 147