Anonymous · 6 November 2023, 00:02

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Today, after my family left me at home for the weekend before finals while they went on vacation so I could focus on my studies, I spent the weekend watching my little cousins for no pay. It wasn’t an easy babysitting job either. I had to pay attention to and then re-enact basically every Bluey episode ever to exist, with no time to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520 You deserved it 177

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Anonymous · 5 November 2023, 18:00 ·Santo Domingo Este, Dominican Republic

Blown my cover

Today, I thought it would be interesting to flirt with a colleague from work via WhatsApp, I just forgot that my WhatsApp Web was open when I plugged the HDMI to the screen. The colleague is the director of the company, and 300 coworkers read the entire conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 You deserved it 1 076

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StevieMe · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Suspicious

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 791 You deserved it 99 851

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lukey101 · 5 November 2023, 12:00 ·Brisbane, Australia

Fingers crossed

Today, I saw a dermatologist to see if they would remove my moles for cosmetic reasons. Turns out 5 of them are suspicious and need to be removed anyway. Good news: I don’t have to pay for it. Bad news: it might be because they’re cancerous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560 You deserved it 122

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Mike-al · 5 November 2023, 09:00 ·Germany

Nervous

Today, I was the ring bearer at a wedding, something I'd been nervous about being ever since the groom asked me. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped over nothing and the ring flew from the little silk pillow and rolled into a nearby pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 197

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Nolongeracriminal · 5 November 2023, 06:11

GrossAir

Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639 You deserved it 209

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Anonymous · 5 November 2023, 06:00 ·Canada

Road to nowhere

Today, I was driving to an important job interview, and I was running late. Just as I was about to get on the highway, I saw my ex standing by the road with a flat tire. I stopped to help because I'm a nice person. Turns out, the spare tire was also flat. We called for a tow truck, and I missed my interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142 You deserved it 583

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omfg · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Addictive

Today, I was introduced to Minecraft. I haven't blinked in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740 You deserved it 1 897

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Gary · 5 November 2023, 00:02 ·Ukraine

One way street

Today, I dressed up for work, even though I work from home. My wife insists that I look great in suits, she wanted me to wear them at home, and I don't really mind. On the other hand, she keeps wearing the same dirty clothes for two weeks because she doesn't care about how she looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444 You deserved it 134

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Katieeee · 4 November 2023, 22:00 ·Austin, United States

Get it off me!

Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 137

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Anonymous · 4 November 2023, 20:00 ·United States

Classic rookie mistake

Today, I was taking a test and thought I was doing great until I realized I was writing all my answers on the question paper, not the answer sheet. By the time I noticed, there were only five minutes left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201 You deserved it 426

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... · This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff ·France

Say it, don't spray it

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 955 You deserved it 2 305

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Anonymous · 4 November 2023, 16:00 ·Accra, Ghana

I have no idea what I'm doing

Today, I was called to solve a problem question at the start of a lecture. I stupidly went up to the board before telling the lecturer in front of 300+ students that I had no Idea what he had been doing the whole week. The lecturer made a sneery comment about why some of us are blockheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 You deserved it 525

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Anonyme · 4 November 2023, 12:00 ·Cheddleton, United Kingdom

Fright night

Today, I couldn’t sleep because the hall light was too bright. Someone left their room; I waited for them to return so we wouldn’t cross paths. I got up and went for the light, only to find them peeing naked with the door open. In a panic I flipped any switch, which made the hall brighter, then ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381 You deserved it 143

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NotBridezilla · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Klamath Falls, United States

Bridezilla

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 469 You deserved it 900

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MoodKilled · 4 November 2023, 08:00

Loveshack

Today, my girlfriends and I had planned a movie night. When she got home, she took her laptop and some snacks we prepared, and spent the evening playing online games. When I asked if I should wait for her, she told me to go and "watch some shit on Netflix, I don't really care" without looking away from the laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539 You deserved it 118

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Blind AF · 4 November 2023, 06:00 ·United States

Where am I?

Today, I mistook a straw hat for a stack of pancakes. In case you hadn't figured it out, I forgot my glasses at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 346

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Anonymous · 4 November 2023, 04:00

Doghouse

Today, stressed to the point of breakdown over my impending daughter's birth, I went to a small church. After a long talk with the pastor, I finally began to feel some calm and peace. Too bad my wife flipped out, accused me of wanting to make her a "handmaid" and made me sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 175

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mylifeeee · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Critique

Today, in art class, we finally did the critique of the self portraits we've been working on for a month. We critiqued a few and got to mine. Everyone was silent then finally, one girl says "I'm just going to be blunt. It doesn't look like you. You're not that pretty." Everyone nodded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 609 You deserved it 5 841

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lordoftheweird · 4 November 2023, 00:02 ·Canada

Admit it

Today, I went to a drive through with my housemate. She got our order wrong and angrily yelled at the teenager who handed us our food, making her cry. My housemate can't fully speak English because of a learning disability, and she refuses to admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455 You deserved it 109

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Anonymous · 3 November 2023, 20:00 ·Saylorsburg, United States

Leadership qualities

Today, I learned that although I’m apparently not qualified to be a department supervisor, I’m entirely qualified to train the person who got the promotion over me, who has never worked in my department before. Boy, do I feel appreciated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562 You deserved it 87

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Lena · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Germany

Lonely hearts

Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 747 You deserved it 3 218

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Anonymous · 3 November 2023, 16:00

My mum is weird

Today, my mum came to visit me in the country where I'm studying. We went out, and when she saw a dude eating something she liked the look of, she made me run after him to ask where he bought it. The guy was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439 You deserved it 126

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lordoftheweird · 3 November 2023, 14:00 ·Canada

Born again

Today, my dad bought a Bible. He's completely illiterate and is basing his religious beliefs off people on TV saying "It's in the Bible." I miss bacon and am tired of explaining to people that he's an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Frostbite

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 528 You deserved it 41 897

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Anonymous · 3 November 2023, 08:00

Time to move on

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. His excuse was that I never had time for his needs anymore. He’s unemployed but I guess me working and studying to get my degree so we could move out of his parents’ house was too much. Now I have no place to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 3 November 2023, 06:00

Healthcare needs fixing

Today, I found out I need surgery, and the state medicaid insurance denied me full coverage for it, since my income is "over the limit". I make 35,000 a year and live in one of the most expensive states. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483 You deserved it 112

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FlyingCoffeeMonster · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Oreland, United States

Brain fog

Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 072 You deserved it 3 236

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Captain Oops-a-Lot · 3 November 2023, 00:02

Check your feeds!

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I mistakenly took a screenshot and then proceeded to fumble my phone. It wasn't until 5 hours later when I recharged it that I realized I had unintentionally posted the screenshot of me on the toilet to Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159 You deserved it 617

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Anonymous · 2 November 2023, 22:00

Hopeless

Today, as my stalker was finally led away in handcuffs, my auntie asked if maybe I was being a bit harsh having him arrested, and maybe I should give him a second chance because he seemed like "a sweet man", and "it’s not like I have any other men lining up to date me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 646 You deserved it 103

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