Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, three of the four stalls were occupied in the restroom. I took the fourth stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I heard, "Hey, how's it going?" I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML
Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML
Today, I was in a stall in a public restroom. Someone came in and started using one of the urinals. Somehow, before I knew it, I found I had just loudly whispered, "SOMEbody's taking a piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss." FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML
Today, I found out that my CEO knows my name when she followed me into the bathroom and called it out in a disgusted tone when I farted so loudly, she could hear it from four stalls over. FML
Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML
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Top comments
steadycreepin 5
Awkward...
th4m4ster 6
and u didnt think of punching his face ?
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Comments (263)
steadycreepin 5
Awkward...
CommenSense 0
Lol that's probably normal behaviour for him
Invasion976 6
Maybe at first, but you can really get to know people this way. ?
CryMoreFMLs 15
This is the stabdard greeting in Northeast Texas. What's so wierd about it?
Glitterhinoceros 14
awkward turtle
Keyman1212 14
What is this stabdard greeting you mention?? Sounds painful.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Standard*, sorry I have pudge fingers....
Keyman1212 14
Yeah but you said you had an iPhone, I just tried to spell standard as stabdard and my phone told me to go make **** on myself...
LaydiexSkull 3
Make **** on yourself? That sounds delicious
CryMoreFMLs 15
I don't use autocorrect, and I don't always catch my mistakes before I post, usually after I hit submit do I see them. I strive for perfect grammar, but alas I am human and my fingers mess up occasionally.
Keyman1212 14
Chill brah. I kid I kid!
CryMoreFMLs 15
It's fine, I love people who correct me because it helps me better myself.
EvilPotato 15
Why is CryMoreFMLs and Keymans conversation thumbed down, it was very educational.
illmatic2 16
I sometimes thumb down the people who reply to the first comment just to get to the top of the page.
Keyman1212 14
85- I expect you to be thumbing down yourself any moment now...
EvilPotato 15
OP you should have taken your AK-47 out from under your hat and blew him away with a rat-at-at-tat, but you ran outta bullets and ran away. (starts humming the rest of ultimate showdown).
FarSide 23
********.
fakeaccountX 6
What happens in the men's room, stays in the men's room.
monkeebalz 0
I would have just shat all over his face
TheCylonmaster 3
Not as awkward when he then said "I just jizzed in ma pantz"
greatness101 0
This.
cruxx 0
Where do you work...
Fekenator 0
Those weird Texans...
steadycreepin 5
162 it's called keep Austin weird for a reason
sloppyflow 1
Indeed awkward but it cracked me up and I don't know why
Mario_lib 6
Op should've kicked him in the face
BlAcKxJe5uS 6
You know your job sucks when John Madden gives play by play while your on the toilet... "And this little piece dropped here, and had it dropped here I would've made a smiley face."
strokesie 23
Creepy..?
Jesus_Christ69 0
Just a bit.
Lanceeden 12
He shoots...AND HE SCORES!
RetardedChipmunk 7
That made little to no ******* sense
chaoticxxxmess 3
Who does that?
TheTerenity 9
LOVE Your phone case, where'd you get it?
strokesie 23
95- Walmart lol
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
Gross
iiloveeyouuxD 0
I love your case! Lol sorry random :D
Georgieeporgiee 9
Creepy perverted weird dude...
howdmynosego 12
Atleast ops not a woman....Right?
Daralea 21
How does OP not being a woman make this better?
WinterBlue42 22
It doesn't. AT all. o.o
th4m4ster 6
and u didnt think of punching his face ?
tylersign 11
I'd think kicking would be more effective in this situation.
Dink995 0
That's exactly what I had in mind. Perfect!
ant1078 7
I would have personally tried stomping on his face
HomeAl0ne 20
******** on him would have the appropriate response I think.
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
Peeing would also be an option.
asoptavlo14 6
Or just letting him be.. Not like he was going to kill you or something, no need to break his face.
skata 4
136- no, no need to break it. just permanently deform
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
136-so you are perfectly fine with people staring at you as you shit?
asoptavlo14 6
156- no and I would never be, I'm Just saying no need to assault him
construction 7
Kicking would be a better choice
Error504 6
Yay! Let's play kick-a-creep! :D
UnicornPukePink 0
You should work somewhere less weird....
ipodlover1995 0
Who the heck taught him proper bathroom etiquette?
davidisbeast 12
I don't think it was a matter of him knowing bathroom ettiquite or not ....
DynamicDave 11
No one, clearly.
LoveLife293 2
Yeah, then look at your picture you have.
construction 7
Yeah... Like dressing up as a children's cartoon character and eat kids
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
Was it pedo bear?
trollsemen 8
Only if the OP was between the ages of 0-18
rawrkittyrawr 6
But pedo said I was the only one :(
herpitydurteedur 0
15? Too old
demonxshadow 1
133 - Fail.
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
I though 133 was a girl, until I stalked his profile....
77777771 12
Interesting
Lstands4LOSER 0
"Peek-a-boo, I see you!"
whatgoescomes 5
Umm....
Iskaria 0
That is such a cute little Shih Tzu :3
Cleao18317 11
It'll be a fun day at work tomorrow don't worry
frozenfreeze 5
Acute
alex6946 10
Odd
xBrandonIsOnFire 6
Even
MrSexyPants 14
Negative
RetardedChipmunk 7
Imaginary
THE_A_TEEN 28
Positive
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Neutral
olpally 33
Obtuse
number0 8
Scalene
RocketNinjaFish 12
isosceles
BooGhosted 0
Equilateral
nerobluerose 10
Combo Breaker
ItsTheKing 10
**** COMBO BREAKERS, keep it coming. Acute.
tona01 16
Platonic
ikickgingers 15
Did you hear a camera phone shutter sound? That always creeps me out in bathrooms.
everybodyluvsMEN 0
Firstly, please don't kick my kind :( Secondly, it's probably the unlocking sound on phones that you hear, not the camera sound
ikickgingers 15
I don't kick all gingers. A lot of them are ridiculously attractive. And sadly no, I went to the movies with my brothers a few weeks back and heard the shutter sound when I walked in the ladies room and "my husband would be proud" was voiced. Oh god I just threw up a little.
everybodyluvsMEN 0
Hahaha that's messed the **** up!