chance12497

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Chance12497's favorite FMLs

I'm innocent!

By Garrison - 18/12/2017 15:40 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I was arrested for kidnapping a child. MY child. Do you know how hard it is as a white man to convince a police officer that a latino toddler screaming, "Stranger danger!" is yours? FML

agreeclassic 6 687

vote type 1 428

Mood ruiner

By RuinedTheMood - 21/09/2014 05:11 - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said, "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded, "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

agreeclassic 48 019

vote type 1 13 512

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

agreeclassic 45 679

vote type 1 14 037

Oh no.

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

agreeclassic 8 420

vote type 1 1 672

By disney_dick - 08/01/2018 00:00 - United States - Mims

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

agreeclassic 4 997

vote type 1 2 053