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Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

#21808
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11273) - you deserved it (69347)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by JLoistheBomb (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I faked back pain to get out of sex with my wife. FML

#19519043
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11268) - you deserved it (31956)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:48pm - intimacy - by hjkashld (man) - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat for the first time. I fit all of my clothes into two washers. Not knowing where to put the soap in, I asked a man doing his laundry, "Excuse me, where do I put the soap in?". He replied, "Ma'am, those are the dryers." FML

#742208
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11268) - you deserved it (75082)

On 04/01/2009 at 5:18am - misc - by esv (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

#2763272
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11267) - you deserved it (55813)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:36am - animals - by FMLTIMESTWO (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

#17516862
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11266) - you deserved it (37371)

On 08/19/2011 at 3:13am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

#5270007
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11265) - you deserved it (48801)

On 09/15/2009 at 8:16am - misc - by publicenemy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

#19372815
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11262) - you deserved it (19997)

On 03/29/2012 at 9:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

#19609877
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11257) - you deserved it (58817)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I flew my wife, myself and three kids to pay a surprise visit to my parents who were going to be alone for Christmas. When we arrived, we found out they decided to go on vacation. We have nowhere to go. FML

#6914646
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11250) - you deserved it (24535)

On 12/24/2009 at 12:54am - misc - by homeless4Christmas (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

#7588256
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11243) - you deserved it (24524)

On 01/26/2010 at 11:13am - work - by Kylie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my blanket got caught on my nose ring and it took my boyfriend over an hour to get it free. Afterwards, he admitted he was trying not to laugh because it reminded him of a bullfight. FML

#18726895
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11243) - you deserved it (27513)

On 01/06/2012 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - Mexico (Zacatecas)

Today, I accidentally forgot my glasses in a store bathroom. When I finally noticed, I went back to find that someone was wearing them as he was walking out of the store. I didn't have the balls to call him out on it. FML

#15244433
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11242) - you deserved it (44170)

On 03/08/2011 at 9:23pm - misc - by Trippy Penguin -

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

#15102552
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11237) - you deserved it (31711)

On 02/24/2011 at 2:32pm - health - by Steve - United States (California)



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