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Today, I woke up really tired after a night of just two hours sleep. The reason? The mall across the street forgot to turn off their music. It played Christmas songs all night. Loud. FML

Today, it's been three months since i went to my GP for a swollen foot. She sent me to a rheumatologist, a pulmonologist, vein ultrasound, DNA testing and finally an X-ray, which revealed I've been walking around on a broken foot. By now, the two bones are grown together at weird angles, forever. FML

Today, I decided to be a generous guy and slip a dollar from my pocket to a beggar. Turns out I'd slipped my hard-earned $100 bill instead. FML

by Pimaan / 10/26/2011 at 12:14pm / United States / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

by lolk / 03/10/2013 at 3:41am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I had to give my boyfriend an enema. FML

by coop7291 / 08/24/2012 at 1:21am / United States / Health

Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML

by drkate25 / 12/18/2012 at 5:02pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

by askprussia / 11/26/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML

by dangit / 09/11/2011 at 1:58am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a group of teens jumped in front of my car and started a slow clap. FML

by moonbears / 10/22/2015 at 12:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I did slightly below average on my programming project. Aside from it being unnecessarily difficult, I also couldn't focus on it due to problems at home. After I confided in my colleague about it, I heard him mutter, "I knew women are crappy programmers". FML

by Rusty / 12/11/2015 at 7:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

by Jessica / 03/23/2013 at 3:00pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, while trying to lift a weight bar at the gym, I ended up cracking my rib cage and almost passed out. My friend, who was supposed to be spotting for me, couldn't help until the last second because he'd snuck off to flirt with a pair of guys halfway across the room. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2015 at 8:35am / Australia / Health

Today, while taking the subway home, a woman offered me her seat. I smiled and declined. She said she insisted because of my "pregnancy". I was too ashamed to say I'm not pregnant that I just took the seat. FML

by pinkpurplegurl / 09/24/2015 at 10:33am / China / Miscellaneous