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Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

#539
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16944) - you deserved it (28088)

On 12/17/2008 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found some nude vintage pictures in my house. I decided to beat my meat to them. Later I found out it was my grandma. FML

#14583340
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16944) - you deserved it (79362)

On 01/14/2011 at 11:05pm - intimacy - by Gabriel A - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

#3112345
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16938) - you deserved it (67697)

On 06/22/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by tamp (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

#20087243
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16934) - you deserved it (31411)

On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States

Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

#15195010
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16924) - you deserved it (9731)

On 03/04/2011 at 8:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

#13495113
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16906) - you deserved it (35992)

On 10/18/2010 at 2:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16903) - you deserved it (62773)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

#891545
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16900) - you deserved it (52616)

On 04/09/2009 at 8:13pm - work - by ohhhman (woman) - United States

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

#6664600
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16897) - you deserved it (35371)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by 2old4thiscrap (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

#19365320
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16891) - you deserved it (2835)

On 03/28/2012 at 6:49pm - kids - by laststand11 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "what birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

#19626736
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16884) - you deserved it (28861)

On 05/15/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was on my third date with a really hot girl. A guy walked by singing the Pokémon theme song. She started making fun of the guy, mocking his immaturity. I joined in order to keep the conversation going. Everything was going great but then my phone rang. It was the Pokémon theme song. FML

#16435078
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16879) - you deserved it (77477)

On 05/31/2011 at 1:05pm - love - by chickennbenchpress (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

#21251320
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16879) - you deserved it (31507)

On 09/03/2014 at 6:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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