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Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 7:09pm / Sweden (Jonkopings Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got my weights out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone moving about outside my window. I got scared and dropped a weight on my foot. The person outside was my own reflection. FML

by i see fat people / 12/07/2012 at 4:10pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Health

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2010 at 10:49am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

by everfresh / 01/26/2011 at 5:38am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2012 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Walsall) / Health

Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML

by britney / 02/14/2010 at 9:54pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

by uninvited / 02/04/2016 at 10:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, it's been three months since i went to my GP for a swollen foot. She sent me to a rheumatologist, a pulmonologist, vein ultrasound, DNA testing and finally an X-ray, which revealed I've been walking around on a broken foot. By now, the two bones are grown together at weird angles, forever. FML

by DeeZeeMb / 12/20/2015 at 7:40am / Slovenia (Maribor Commune) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn thing about cooking. I'm suffering the effects of him telling me that chicken is best eaten medium-rare. FML

by Ralph / 04/03/2012 at 11:02pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was forced to spend an extra $318 for another plane ticket to Dallas. The ticket wasn't for my daughter, my mom, or my sister, but for the quarter of my butt that apparently needs its own seat. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2010 at 5:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 9:44am / Canada / Kids

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2009 at 10:33am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I'm being annoying. FML

by ugh / 03/04/2010 at 7:00pm / United States / Love