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Today, I had a conversation with another patient in my gyno's waiting room. It was about her getting pregnant in a truck while passed out drunk, her therapist's frequent use of a "For Dummies" books, and how she had waxed and oiled everything to impress our doctor. FML

by PatientInWaiting / 03/19/2012 at 6:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

by uninvited / 02/04/2016 at 10:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I was walking to a job interview. I needed to get rid of some gum but there were no trash cans in sight, so I spat it out on the ground. Next thing I know, some guy grabs me, sticks the gum in my hair, and walks off, muttering curses. I couldn't get it out in time for the interview. FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 1:24pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Work

Today, I felt confident after a maths exam and thought I did rather well. When discussing the exam with my class mates afterwards, they kept talking about how difficult question 10 was. I only did 9 questions. Apparently the exam paper had a backside. FML

by ceciliebossow / 10/06/2015 at 9:26pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got my weights out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone moving about outside my window. I got scared and dropped a weight on my foot. The person outside was my own reflection. FML

by i see fat people / 12/07/2012 at 4:10pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Health

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 7:09pm / Sweden (Jonkopings Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2009 at 10:33am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

by everfresh / 01/26/2011 at 5:38am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up really tired after a night of just two hours sleep. The reason? The mall across the street forgot to turn off their music. It played Christmas songs all night. Loud. FML

by Doortje / 12/12/2010 at 6:37am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

by TheKingKen / 02/13/2015 at 3:40am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

by ugh / 01/15/2016 at 11:08am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2010 at 7:33pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML

by Aintnosunshine / 12/30/2008 at 10:48pm / Love