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Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

by ChubbyTubby / 01/17/2010 at 1:13pm / United States (Georgia) / Geek

Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML

by cookie_lover_xx / 10/15/2015 at 2:24am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

by Anon / 01/26/2016 at 6:40am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Work

Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what I look like. Today is also the day a very attractive exchange student joined my private band lessons. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2012 at 2:15pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

by disguested / 03/04/2010 at 3:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

by FreeTacos_ / 10/28/2015 at 1:23am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I was on a scavenger hunt. One of the things on the list was to ask a stranger to marry them. I saw an old lady in a wheel chair; I tried to make her day by asking her to marry me. She declined and attempted to run me over with her wheel chair. FML

by nickcedola40 / 04/03/2013 at 8:24pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my now ex-boyfriend informed me that he is cheating on me with our neighbor, again. I wasn't aware that he cheated on me the first time. FML

by Ellamare / 02/10/2016 at 11:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML

by GabisayzRAWR / 03/21/2012 at 12:03pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

by StillBetterThanTwilight / 08/28/2012 at 11:56am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, it's my best friend's birthday. It's also the first year I've had her gift purchased, wrapped and mailed on time. The post office lost the parcel. FML