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Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

by All Dressed Up With No Place To Go / 09/11/2015 at 1:57am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML

by cookie_lover_xx / 10/15/2015 at 2:24am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML

by rashree / 02/12/2010 at 8:34pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

by soph511 / 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Animals

Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML

by igotsbadluck / 07/17/2013 at 5:44pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 10:43pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

by dom / 09/08/2010 at 2:53am / United States / Intimacy

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

by liz / 03/07/2010 at 8:46pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

by Plume / 12/23/2008 at 2:43am / Love

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

by fuckdubstep51 / 07/21/2012 at 6:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML

by getslostinherownhouse / 04/14/2009 at 3:12pm / Spain (Madrid) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

by LALALALA / 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous