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Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

#20132432
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20081) - you deserved it (4338)

On 10/25/2012 at 5:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

#20563782
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20080) - you deserved it (54662)

On 03/28/2013 at 12:24pm - love - by not funny but :( (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML

#21430717
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20080) - you deserved it (17009)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm - animals - by ej6901 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML

#19635115
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20078) - you deserved it (1885)

On 05/16/2012 at 11:53pm - misc - by recmonty - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

#4627317
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20074) - you deserved it (64397)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius

Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML

#19971657
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20068) - you deserved it (2640)

On 07/21/2012 at 11:58pm - animals - by summerbabe77 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML

#639
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20066) - you deserved it (2177)

On 12/30/2008 at 10:48pm - misc - by Aintnosunshine - Sent from mobile version

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

#3740095
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20064) - you deserved it (59654)

On 07/14/2009 at 5:41am - intimacy - by unlucky_number13 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20060) - you deserved it (114848)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

#2174
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20058) - you deserved it (3510)

On 01/22/2009 at 10:22am - health - by radiant - United States (Michigan)

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

#15401902
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20054) - you deserved it (9497)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:32pm - misc - by thebravelittletoaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

#21451650
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20052) - you deserved it (5825)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:33am - love - by that girl has a beard - Canada

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

#7925072
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20050) - you deserved it (2981)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:25am - health - by aurorason - Sent from mobile version



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