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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

#1493509
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14087) - you deserved it (92586)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

#9123015
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14081) - you deserved it (37394)

On 03/16/2010 at 12:28am - love - by meatballz (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

#18492727
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14079) - you deserved it (25826)

On 12/12/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by firemansam - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says "Actually, we haven't started yet... that's just my skin." FML

#2073972
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14080) - you deserved it (54302)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

#5105234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14078) - you deserved it (51518)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm - money - by ByeByeBlackberry (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

#50610
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14074) - you deserved it (26939)

On 02/16/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by thedullard (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

#4971137
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14054) - you deserved it (41987)

On 09/01/2009 at 3:30am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "babe." FML

#18508459
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14051) - you deserved it (30598)

On 12/14/2011 at 12:18am - work - by Shelly - United States (California)

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

#16464729
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14046) - you deserved it (32631)

On 06/02/2011 at 6:05am - misc - by ohcrap - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

#16117533
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14044) - you deserved it (33556)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:24pm - work - by scruffy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

#14095149
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14034) - you deserved it (76506)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:04pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

#4035299
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14031) - you deserved it (33722)

On 07/25/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by zinka - United States (New Jersey)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

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