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Today, I tried demonstrate to my little brother that, unlike what he sees in cartoons, it is impossible to slip on a banana peel. I'm not too sure he's convinced. FML

#336
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5785) - you deserved it (22877)

On 11/18/2008 at 10:44pm - kids - by j0j0 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

#13024683
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5785) - you deserved it (35190)

On 09/12/2010 at 8:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss' 13 year old son. FML

#6724461
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5784) - you deserved it (41507)

On 12/12/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by ash203 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was running late for work and realized I forgot to pay a bill. I turned on my computer to pay the bill and brushed my teeth while it set up. I had a mouth full of mouthwash and decided to pay the bill before I spit. Then, I sneezed mouthwash all over my laptop keyboard and screen. FML

#8706318
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5780) - you deserved it (20238)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:19am - misc - by atleastmybreathisfresh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

#7469171
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5777) - you deserved it (38080)

On 01/21/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by im_radd (woman) - United States

Today, while trying to get my phone to charge, I shoved in the cable harder and harder and tried to wobble it so my phone would charge. After snapping the USB input from the force, I saw the plug was switched off. FML

#18106914
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5771) - you deserved it (36516)

On 10/29/2011 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Poole)

Today, after a long bike-ride home, I thought my roommate was being a douche and holding the door shut to our apartment. After about ten minutes of shoulder-slamming and name calling, I discovered that I just wasn't turning the key all the way, which I found out when my roomie came home. FML

#17909794
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5769) - you deserved it (27994)

On 10/05/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by nooooooooob - United States (Nevada)

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

#20186141
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5769) - you deserved it (34634)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Chuffy - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

#8941097
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5762) - you deserved it (31199)

On 03/09/2010 at 6:14am - health - by oww - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

#19821696
393 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5758) - you deserved it (62918)

On 06/21/2012 at 12:11am - work - by daddy'sgirl - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

#8508631
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5754) - you deserved it (28537)

On 02/21/2010 at 5:01am - love - by hoser - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

#6556684
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5753) - you deserved it (73066)

On 12/01/2009 at 7:49pm - misc - by reptar2009 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned there is a taste difference between grabbing a glass of milk that has been sitting on your night table for a week and the one you put on there 3 minutes before. FML

#6050287
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5753) - you deserved it (53628)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:16am - misc - by GlassJAwkidE (woman) - United States (New York)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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