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Free thinker

By Anonymous - 29/10/2025 22:00

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and told him he could “say anything” to the nice old lady at the park who gave him candy. He looked her dead in the eye and said, “My aunt says people your age shouldn’t drive anymore.” She glared at me like I'd ran over her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 211

Unilateral

By puppyless82 - 02/11/2025 12:00

Today, my husband re-homed the puppy I got because he chewed his sandals. I spent $5000 on the puppy, including microchipping, certifications, etc. He told me, “That’ll teach you to stop spending our money on dumb shit.” Oh, and I have to get him new sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 500

Slammed

By Anonymous - 04/11/2025 03:00

Today, I walked into court with DNA evidence my ex-wife’s 5 month old son isn’t mine, and somehow I walked out of court still required to pay child support to my cheating whore ex. How is this legal? He’s not mine. I’m not even on the birth certificate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 90

Honest work

By Anonymous - 05/11/2025 22:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend watching my sister's OnlyFans videos. I’m not sure what’s worse, that he masturbates to my sister, or that my sister actually does OnlyFans videos. I need a drink and a new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 104

Self report

By Anonymous - 16/11/2025 15:00

Today, my fiancée's son mocked me at breakfast. When I reprimanded him for being disrespectful, my fiancée rolled her eyes and said he was being playful and to stop criticizing him. He's 6, he's damn well old enough to know that mocking someone is rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 270

Brighten up

By Anonymous - 18/11/2025 09:00

Today, my wife decided to paint our dreary blue living room all white to brighten the place up. It does look brighter, I just don’t know why she used brilliant white gloss. The walls are shiny as fuck and reflect the light in your eyes everywhere you sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 75

Let's grow old together

By Eric - 20/11/2025 03:00

Today, I stood up wrong from the toilet, leading to me pulling a muscle in both of my thighs, just above the knees. This made me feel old, and even older when I immediately remembered this website from when I was still young. I'm 29 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 120

Spillage

By Anonymous - 21/11/2025 22:00

Today, I had an interview for a job I’ve dreamt about. I sat down in the lobby and spilled coffee on my crotch. I tried to dry it in the toilet, which made it look like I’d pissed myself. When I entered his office, the HR guy glanced down and said, “Long morning?” I panicked and replied, “No, just excited to be here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 129

Naughty boy

By Mark - 25/11/2025 12:00

Today, coming home with my water bottle and venti Starbucks in one hand, and my 4 month-old leashed puppy on my other hand, I entered my condo building as a little girl was holding the door open. As I said thank you, my dog lunged towards her, I pulled him back, and most of my Caramel Brûlée Latte went flying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 481

Too little, too late

By Anonymous - 29/11/2025 00:00

Today, after a few years of not feeling ready since my daughter born, I went to my ex's apartment to tell her I am ready to be a dad. Turns out she moved out, two years ago, and left me forwarding address for me. I tried calling her phone. The number was disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 1 260

Talk saucy to me

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 20:00

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 279

Kinda sus

By TheCarl - 02/12/2025 15:00

Today, Amazon delivered an item I need urgently for air travel later in the day. To the wrong address. From the photo, I could see which house they had delivered it to. They weren't home, but a camera was pointing at the item. My behaviour was indistinguishable from that of a porch pirate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 69

Signed, sealed, delivered

By Anonymous - 04/12/2025 09:00

Today, I received a package and confidently told the delivery guy I didn’t need to sign because it was “hands-free these days.” He stared at me, pointed at the giant screen that clearly required a signature, and said, “Not for this one.” I scribbled in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 568

Red tape

By Bob - 06/12/2025 03:00

Today, after months of looking for a job I had and interview and the guy practically begged me to take the job. Now the staffing agency is railroading me with paperwork and bullshit, so odds are I won’t get the job. Back to Indeed I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 107

You've got this

By Winning - 07/12/2025 22:00

Today, I practiced a presentation in the work toilet mirror. When it was time to present, I accidentally repeated my “mirror pep talk” out loud: “You are powerful. You are unstoppable.” My coworkers stared like I was summoning spirits before a spreadsheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 332

Decorum and etiquette

By Anonymous - 11/12/2025 12:00

Today. I used the restroom at the mall. After I wiped, I went to toss the paper into the toilet. I missed horribly. The wad of TP with poop on it landed on the floor of the next stall. It was occupied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 482

One-wat street

By Anonymous - 15/12/2025 00:00

Today, after my at-the-time partner got in a car wreck with minimal injuries, I drove two hours and got a week off classes to take care of them on hand and foot, they are currently my platonic roommate and I nearly broke my foot… and they keep acting annoyed when I ask for something because I can't walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 268

Such a rush

By Later! - 16/12/2025 20:00

Today, I woke up late and rushed to catch the bus. I sprinted heroically, slipped on wet pavement, and skidded directly into a puddle deep enough to baptize me. The driver waited just long enough to make eye contact before closing the doors and leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 73

My name is actually Blurt

By Anonymous - 18/12/2025 15:00

Today, I saw my original birth certificate and realised I’ve spent almost all my life misspelling my first name. Now I’m worried it might invalidate pretty much every legal document I’ve ever signed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 91

Unilateral decision

By Crap - 20/12/2025 09:00

Today, after reading about microplastics and taking a look at our ratty plastic containers, I tossed them all and spent some money buying some decent glass containers. My wife spent the evening giving me a metric ton of shit because apparently the crappy plastic containers were "sentimental." Fucking spare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 350

Stiff competition

By Anonymous - 23/12/2025 20:00

Today, my husband has erectile dysfunction and is too scared to see a local doctor to get prescription helpers. He wants me to fly to another country and buy them over the counter for him instead! And I'm travelling next week. Not sure which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 92

Move on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2025 09:00

Today, I bought a guy I’ve liked for months a Christmas present and expressed how much he meant to me. He said, “Lol, thanks.” He then went on a date with another girl. Apparently, being loving and caring towards guys gets you used and rejected. My lover girl era is now over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 492

Wait, what?

By Anonymous - 29/12/2025 03:00

Today, I confidently answered a question in a meeting, only to realize everyone was staring at me because I’d misunderstood it completely. My boss gently rephrased it while I nodded like that was my point all along. It absolutely wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 287

Cute miscommunication

By 9 to 5 - 30/12/2025 22:00

Today, I texted my boss to say I’d be late because my train was delayed. Autocorrect changed “delayed” to “derailed.” My boss called immediately, panicked, asking if I was OK. I had to explain it was just a typo while standing safely on the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 79

If you know, you know

By It means child p*rn - 01/01/2025 18:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 171

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 11:00 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I spent 3 hours looking for a roll of tape. I didn't find the tape. I still need the tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 338

Same

By Anonymous - 07/01/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I’m just living. Nothing I want matters. Just the same repetitive thing day after day. What must I do for things to change? FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 184

Is it so that strange?

By Anonymous - 09/01/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom - Garstang

Today, I realised something awful. I'm in two wonderful loving ethical non-monogamous relationships and I can and do occasionally enjoy a one-nighter or more outside of these. It hit me - I miss cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 1 026

Loyalty

By No way - 10/01/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I discovered my cat prefers my neighbour. I know this because she posted pictures of him on Instagram, captioned "My new baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 193

Confused

By Good to know - 16/01/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that, despite the name, it is indeed possible to get swimmer's ear without ever actually going swimming. Am I dumb, or am I right to be confused? I suppose it could be worse, but… how? FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 150

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 368

You deserved it 139

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 465

Today, I found out that when they put "Take with food" on the side of antibiotics, what they really mean is "Take with food because this stuff is gonna liquefy everything in your G.I. tract, and make you have to run out of the middle of calculus for the worst diarrhea ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 337

You deserved it 10 979

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 245

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 403

You deserved it 27 923

Today, my husband found my diary in which I talked about inviting another man into our bedroom. He left for a while and came back with a friend of his. My fantasy may become reality but I'm terrified what it will do to our relationship. I put them off for now, but I don't know what to do. He's all for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 2 082