The Top · The top of the year

Anonymous · 21 July 2026, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Planning required

Today, I feel like I’m never going to have satisfying sex again. We have so many kids that I never get a moment’s peace. By the time they’re all taken care of and sleeping, I’m too exhausted to even think about sex. If I do, it’s a “let’s get it out of the way” type quickie to shut my husband up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183 You deserved it 337

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askallthequestions86 · 24 July 2026, 00:00

Dilemma

Today, I have chronic dry mouth due to medication. It makes my breath smell atrocious, so I got some Biotene dry mouth lozenges. I usually have constipation issues. Lately it's been the opposite. So I can either have porta-potty breath or be on the brink of shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319 You deserved it 82

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Anonymous · 26 July 2026, 09:00 ·United States

Unexpected

Today, my stepdaughter unexpectedly got her first period during a visit. I explained everything to her, then took her to the store to buy supplies and snacks. Her mother called and cussed me out for “stealing” this experience from her. Yeah I totally planned it to happen this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478 You deserved it 58

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Anonymous · 28 July 2026, 15:00 ·Brisbane, Australia

Sentimental value

Today, I found out that my ex gifted a special handcrafted necklace I made for him to his new girlfriend. She wears it on all her socials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 84

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Anonymous · 30 July 2026, 22:00 ·San Diego, United States

Father figure

Today, I met a truck driver at my job and he gave me some fatherly advice. The whole time I was listening, I was also thinking like, why didn't my dad stay and want to be in my life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 63

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Anonymous · 4 August 2026, 12:00 ·Frisco, United States

Great role model

Today, I realized I married a jerk when my husband grounded his daughter for literally a whole year and completely stripped her room down to just a bed and bookshelf and dresser. What did she do? Kissed a boy. When I told him he was going too far, he told me to STFU and that she was his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502 You deserved it 109

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Anonymous · 6 August 2026, 20:00 ·Allentown, United States

Get the hell out of there

Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 9 August 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Where are you?

Today, I tried to catch a spider with a cup. I missed, dropped the cup, and now neither the spider nor I know where the other one is. Spiders freak me out, but I was trying to deal with it humanely, so I hope it remembers that fact if and when we meet again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264 You deserved it 121

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Anonymous · 11 August 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

It wasn't me

Today, our boss announced several new training courses. For some reason, the guy next to me whispered in my ear that the only course he’s interested in is intercourse, with the boss’s daughter. The boss heard him but for some reason is convinced I said it. Suspended without pay, and possibly sacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 13 August 2026, 15:00 ·Boise, United States

Heavy load

Today, my cat knocked the TV remote behind our heavy couch. I reached for it, got stuck halfway underneath, and had to call my roommate for help. She found me face-down on the carpet wearing one sock and asked if this was “an emergency or drugs?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 255 You deserved it 114

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Anonymous · 15 August 2026, 22:00 ·Rockford, United States

Happy birthday, dear…

Today, while singing "Happy Birthday", my boyfriend's mom said his ex's name instead of mine. Almost everyone at the party got it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 60

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Weird · 18 August 2026, 03:00 ·Galveston, United States

Magical mystery tour

Today, I opened my fridge and found a single lemon, three sauces, and a 9V battery. I have no idea why the battery was there. I don't remember putting it there. I also don't remember owning anything that requires that particular battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237 You deserved it 102

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Its over · 20 August 2026, 12:00 ·United States

Bad news

Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176 You deserved it 613

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Clean up · 22 August 2026, 22:00 ·Houston, United States

Messy bitch

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by cleaning the entire apartment before he came home. I even lit a candle and put fresh flowers on the table. When he walked in, he stared at everything and said, “Did someone come over?” My boyfriend thought a cleaning service had been hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286 You deserved it 104

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EmbarassedAF · 25 August 2026, 03:00 ·United States

The X Files

Today, I found an old USB drive in a drawer and spent the afternoon going through the files, expecting embarrassing photos from school. Instead, I found a spreadsheet I'd made at 16, listing every person I had a crush on, complete with rankings and notes. I'm now terrified someone will find my “Top 10” list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 215

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Anonymous · 27 August 2026, 12:00 ·Leatherhead, United Kingdom

Bad timing

Today, after I filed for divorce, the papers were received by my soon-to-be ex-husband on our wedding anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 You deserved it 396

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Anonymous · 29 August 2026, 20:00 ·Augusta, United States 🌶️ Spicy

****** addict

Today, trying not to watch porn, I started looking for a group workout program, then tried to create images that resembled my wife, then ended up watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 You deserved it 245

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Miku · 1 September 2026, 00:00 ·Atlanta, United States

Discord weirdo

Today, a creep messaged me on Discord, asking my brother to pinch my cheeks, and to send a photo of me pretending to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 3 September 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

GOT brain

Today, I went on a date with a cute Scottish guy from Tinder, who kept on referring to himself as "FROM THE NORTH" like he thought he was in Game of Thrones or something. I like the show too, but I sure didn’t appreciate being called a "SOFT SOUTHERNER" when I talked about being born in Plymouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301 You deserved it 117

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girlboss · 5 September 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Planning

Today, I bought an expensive notebook because I wanted to become the kind of person who plans everything. On the first page, I carefully wrote my goals, habits, and schedule. I haven't opened it since. It is now the most organized thing I own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 You deserved it 268

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Anonymous · 8 September 2026, 00:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

WHERE IS IT?

Today, I spent Saturday helping my uncle clean out his garage. He told me to throw away a box of “old useless cables.” I did. Later, he asked where the box was because it contained the only charger for his 20-year-old camera. We spent 3 hours searching the recycling bins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340 You deserved it 68

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Yudith · 10 September 2026, 09:00 ·Laval, Canada

True grime

Today, despite the hotel where I'm staying having changed owners and being completely renovated, I still got the pleasure of writing "Wash me" into the grime of the swimming pool between two lengths of breaststrokes. Just like the old times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242 You deserved it 81

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Anonymous · 12 September 2026, 15:00 ·Baltimore, United States

Overdrawn burrito

Today, I ordered my lunch from Chipotle. From the wrong location. With my last $16. They told me to order again and then they would be able to issue a refund. I can't afford to. Now I'm out $16 and I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156 You deserved it 323

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Anonymous · 14 September 2026, 22:00 ·Los Angeles, United States

He gets around

Today, I found out I'm going to have a sister. Who’s the mom gonna be? It’s my cousin from my mom’s side. My dad’s excuse? "Well, she ain’t blood related." FML

I agree, your life sucks 359 You deserved it 70

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Well, that's just bollocks · 17 September 2026, 03:00 ·Tlalpan, Mexico

Thanks, I guess…

Today, my girlfriend gave me her ex-boyfriend's hoodie as a gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337 You deserved it 55

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Anonymous · 19 September 2026, 12:00 ·Collegeville, United States

Schadenfreude

Today, I tripped and fell down some stairs at a family gathering. Instead of making sure I was OK, everyone laughed at me. Including my quadriplegic uncle, who asked his personal support worker to lift his arm just so he could point and laugh with everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343 You deserved it 67

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Anonymous · 24 September 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Hey buddy

Today, I left my apartment in a hurry and noticed my neighbor's cat sitting outside my door. I assumed he had escaped, so I spent 15 minutes trying to coax him back upstairs. My neighbor eventually opened her door and said, “He's waiting for me to leave.” Apparently, he does this every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236 You deserved it 94

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xxxxx · 30 September 2026, 22:00 ·Coventry, United Kingdom

The limp

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work that I'd bought yesterday. Around lunchtime, I finally realised that one shoe felt slightly tighter than the other. I took it off and found some paper stuffing still inside. I'd spent five hours walking around with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 You deserved it 339

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Anonymous · 3 October 2026, 09:00 ·United States

Overbearing girlfriend

Today, my friend of over 15 years told me that we can’t talk or game anymore because his new girlfriend has some serious jealousy issues, and me being a girl is a huge problem for her. I’ve never seen this guy face to face and we live on different continents. He even deleted me off Pokémon Go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 You deserved it 64

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Anonymous · 5 October 2026, 15:00 ·Eugene, United States

Timeline

Today, I watched four episodes of Frasier at my mom’s house and now my algorithm is all Frasier facts and memes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170 You deserved it 160

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