The Top

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Shifty

By Anonymous - 29/04/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after years of effort, I was finally able to open my own full body beauty salon. I’ve been open approximately two hours and I’ve had six genuine customers and three shifty looking dudes trying to ask, without saying the actual words, if we’re one of those rub and tug, happy ending massage parlours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 88

Lesson learned

By Anonymous - 02/05/2026 22:00 - United States - Palatka

Today, I came two times in a row, for the first time in my life. I'm 45 years-old and I was using my dildo on my myself. I was thinking of my ex, so that's proof my dildo is better. I've been missing out on myself for decades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 125

Shopaholic

By Permanently broke - 06/05/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my yearly bonus finally hit my bank account while I was busy at work. Hurrah! Unfortunately, I'm married, so by the time I got a second of free time to check my phone, my email was full of my wife's online shopping receipts, including a non-refundable cruise. I wish we could save money… FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 159

Touchy subject

By Anonymous - 11/05/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I had a huge fight and he stormed out, all because I told him that now that as he's no longer in the military and we're not moving around anymore, I want to stop homeschooling our kids and put them in regular school. He refused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 105

Consolation Prize

By Anonymous - 13/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, a guy who I was low-key crushing on asked me out. I excitedly told my best friend, as I do when I have big news. She informed me that the same guy asked her out 15 minutes ago. He'd originally been into her and only came to me because she rejected him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 75

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 17/05/2026 03:00 - Canada - North York

Today, my first time having sex was in the back of her car in my university parking garage. We went for hours with people walking all around us not noticing, because we fogged up the car after a while. While I got out, I noticed my best friend with the biggest grin taking a picture of me getting out of her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 440

Behave

By Anonymous - 26/05/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I had no choice but to move in with my grandmother who is extremely strict and old fashioned. She is demanding that I quit my construction job because according to her, women are supposed to be dainty and petite and poised and beautiful, not construction workers. If I don't, she'll kick me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 62

Chemical balls

By Mac (29m) - 27/05/2026 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I'm aging, so it’s clear my ball skin has got more rough, and I can't even shave anymore without bad razor burn. Well, I tried Nair for the first time. My balls are now severely chemically burned and blistered. It was just 4 minutes of Nair! I was finally getting my sex drive back after a divorce, so I was trying to be ready just in case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 244

Take this seriously!

By well fuck u then! jst fail - 29/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Secaucus

Today, to help my fellow trainees, I made a very long post in the training Teams chat detailing every detail that tripped me up recently. One responded, "Sir this is a Wendy's" and they all bust up laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 312

Happy V-Day

By Anonymous - 02/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a DM from an unknown sender saying “Happy Anniversary.” It was my 11th grade boyfriend and the “Anniversary” was of us losing our virginity to each other. This happened over 20 years ago! I’ve blocked his creepy ass more times than I can count, but he just won’t stay away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 49

Good grief

By Saddie - 04/06/2026 03:00 - Germany - Frankfurt am Main

Today, the man I loved broke up with me, because he felt like his feelings for me were not enough for a serious relationship. As much as I'm thankful that he didn't drag me along, this hurts like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 86

Schadenfreude

By Anonymous - 05/06/2026 22:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I missed a single letter when reading the Bible at church. Instead of "Hope was rich with immortality", I said "Hope was rich with immorality." Nobody at the funeral noticed, except an anonymous FML user who tried not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 113

All fixed up

By Anonymous - 09/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, after I was wrapping up a visit with my chiropractor, I nearly fell off his table onto my face when I missed a handhold trying to push myself upright. After getting up, I then bumped into a poster on the wall, nearly knocking it onto the floor. At least the chiropractor had a good sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 86

Chadvice

By I'm Sophia - 11/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband was giving marriage advice to a friend, while I eavesdropped. I heard, "You want more sex? Let her see you flirting with other girls. Sophia sees me tease a cashier or some shit, the second we get home, she's putting on sexy lingerie and fucking my brains out. It's magic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 347

Now you know

By codenamevulture - 12/06/2026 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, it's been a few weeks now since I started dating a boy. A whole fairy tale relationship. He would write me poems and all that garbage. Today, we sat by a bonfire, and he randomly mentioned his three other girlfriends, and how I should accept them due to his family traditionally having cheating husbands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 72

The work wife

By Anonymous - 16/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I found out that my favorite female coworker was in a car accident. When I told my girlfriend, her only reaction was to roll her eyes and sarcastically say, "Oh no." She then immediately, and very enthusiastically, asked if the accident killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 320

Get on with it

By Bored - 18/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I went to play a game with a friend. Turns out he's the sort of dude who, when he first installs a game, gets obsessive with making sure the settings are EXACTLY right. We got maybe five minutes of gameplay in between menu sliders, hardware tweaks, and unofficial drivers and patches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 94

I'm so tired

By So tired - 19/06/2026 22:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I worked a night shift at the hospital so long that I started putting things in the wrong pockets. I realized at 4 a.m. that I had taken a patient’s pen, my own phone charger, and two packaged crackers home in my scrub top. I also left my badge in the fridge next to the milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 98

Cut it off

By Anonymous - 27/06/2026 00:00 - Germany - Frankfurt am Main

Today, I took my kids to the beach. My autistic son decided it was a good idea to pretend he was drowning. I tried to tell onlookers he was fine and not to worry. My son popped out of the water and laughed hysterically at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 126

I love travelling

By Seat 12A - 28/06/2026 20:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I booked the cheapest seat on a six-hour flight to save money. The person next to me spent the entire trip asleep on my shoulder, and I felt too awkward to wake them up. By the time we landed, my neck hurt so much that I had to explain to guards and baggage claim staff why I couldn't turn my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 333

Dark humor

By Widowhumorwasamiss - 30/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date since my husband passed six years ago. My date’s ex-wife happened to be at the restaurant he picked, and he confessed he expected her to be there. Without missing a beat, I told him that’s a perk of dating a widow, never running into the ex. Evidently a bit too dark for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 82

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 02/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to ask someone out after months of debating it. She smiled, said yes, and asked what time. I got so nervous that I gave her the time I start work instead of our reservation. We both showed up to completely different places and spent twenty minutes wondering why the other had ghosted us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 309

How's FEMA doing these days?

By Anonymous - 04/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I was supposed to go to Bible Camp but my stepmom talked my dad out of letting me go because of those floods in Texas last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 133

Birthday boy

By Pround auntie - 05/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I carefully wrapped my nephew's birthday present so it would look perfect. He thanked me, pushed it aside, and spent the next two hours pretending the empty cardboard box was a spaceship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 138

Step brothers

By Anonymous - 07/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my stepson hit my biological son with a belt. When I demanded to know why, it turned out that my son destroyed his (stepson's) laptop while raging over his stupid video game. My husband is completely mortified and I have no idea who to be more mad at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 114

Butter fingers

By Anonymous - 09/07/2026 09:00 - United - Pittsburgh

Today, I sneezed while getting my keys from my pocket on the way to my front door, dropped them into a storm drain, and then had to explain to my landlord that my reason for needing the spare key was "seasonal allergies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 62

Tyrannical

By Anonymous - 11/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I got to sports practice 30 seconds late and got kicked out for "poor time management". FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 187

Values

By Environmentalist man wanted - 12/07/2026 22:00 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I met an awesome guy. He turned out to be very well off at a young age, which excited me, until I learned that he works for a power company and is very enthusiastic about his career. I don't know if I can date him knowing his company is destroying the planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 753

Drama!

By Loveless - 16/07/2026 12:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I went on a date with the girl of my dreams. Her boyfriend, who she said she'd broken up with, was at the same restaurant with another girl. She screamed at him for ten minutes, then they started making out, and left together. The girl he was with looked at me and said "Eww", then went to hit on another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 73

Hobby lobby

By Lonely - 20/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I signed up for a pottery class because I wanted a relaxing hobby, but also because I saw the movie "Ghost" recently and it looked chill. My first attempt at a bowl flew off the wheel, hit a shelf, and cracked someone’s finished mug. The instructor nodded at my clay-covered hands and arms, and said, “You’ve got… energy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 126

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The Top

Today, I started my first teaching job ever. As I was teaching, another teacher interrupted my class about 5 times because she thought it was her class. Not only did she ruin my confidence, her behavior caused my students to laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 688

You deserved it 2 975

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 738

You deserved it 2 705

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 359

You deserved it 4 020

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 782

You deserved it 3 864

Today, my coworker and I were discussing our office's lack of break room, and how we should suggest a picnic table for our upcoming landscaping. We concluded that someone would let their dog steal our lunches if we ate outside. Working at the vet's sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 257

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was too tired for sex, which she interpreted as me confessing to not wanting to have sex with her because I’m having sex with other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 488

You deserved it 303