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Party time!

By Anonymous - 12/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my friend at their birthday party with a confetti cannon. I pulled the string, expecting colorful joy. Instead, it misfired, launched backwards and smacked me in the forehead. The confetti came out five seconds later, directly onto my dazed head. FML

agreeclassic 160

vote type 1 288

Cool moves, dude

By Anonymous - 14/09/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML

agreeclassic 134

vote type 1 307

One thing after the other

By Anonymous - 16/09/2025 00:00

Today, someone did a hit and run on my car hard enough to knock it onto the curb from its parking spot, destroying the bumper. They didn't leave any info behind. After taking care of police reports and such, I got home and took off my shoes just to step in a puddle of my roommate's horrible cat's diarrhea. FML

agreeclassic 447

vote type 1 101

Smooth criminal

By Chad69 - 17/09/2025 22:00

Today, I went to pick up my laundry from the communal machines in my apartment building. When I got there, all my clothes were neatly folded on top of the dryer. I was impressed, until I realized half of the pile wasn’t mine. I'd been carrying someone else’s underwear up to my apartment. FML

agreeclassic 84

vote type 1 300

Blasphemy

By Anonymous - 21/09/2025 12:00

Today, while reorganising my very extensive book collection, I found my 16th century Bible had about 15 pages glued together with what I suspect is 30 year-old raspberry jam. My son might be 36 years-old now but he’s going to get it when I see him. FML

agreeclassic 164

vote type 1 365

Boo! Get better jokes!

By Bad open mic night - 25/09/2025 00:00

Today, I thought I was alone in the breakroom, so as I reheated my lunch, I started practicing my stand-up comedy routine out loud. I was halfway through a joke about constipation when the vending machine guy poked his head out from behind the vending machine he was restocking and said, “Don’t quit your day job.” FML

agreeclassic 99

vote type 1 414

There must be more to this story

By Anonymous - 28/09/2025 15:00

Today, I found out that if you’re on a date with a woman who seems interested in you and you’re both getting on really well, it won’t stop her calling you a fucking nerd and pouring her drink over you for admitting you watch anime and read a lot of books, and she will still leave you with the bill. FML

agreeclassic 490

vote type 1 104

Tedious, yet annoying

By Bob - 30/09/2025 09:00

Today, I watched the Dallas Cowboys game, only for it to last for four hours and end in a 40-40 tie. FML

agreeclassic 114

vote type 1 386

Pipe down, Anna

By Anna - 02/10/2025 03:00

Today, while on a big conference call, I thought I was muted. I loudly said, “This meeting could have been an email,” followed by a dramatic sigh. My boss replied, “Oh really Anna? Maybe your job could be done by AI.” The rest of the meeting was a half hour of silence from me. FML

agreeclassic 130

vote type 1 588

A+ for effort…

By I tried - 03/10/2025 22:00

Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML

agreeclassic 434

vote type 1 105

ISP woes

By Fuck my internet company - 07/10/2025 12:00

Today, after two weeks with no internet, we had a technician repair our service at our apartment. An hour later, one of my neighbors at the same complex yelled at us because the same technician disconnected her service by mistake. FML

agreeclassic 355

vote type 1 70

Complaint

By Anonymous - 11/10/2025 00:00

Today, I sent a voice memo to my best friend complaining about how annoying my coworker is, especially her weird fake laugh. I hit send and immediately realized I’d sent it to the coworker in question. Her response? A single voice memo of her doing that exact laugh. FML

agreeclassic 66

vote type 1 688

Woke of the day

By Don't like being slaughtered - 14/10/2025 15:00

Today, I finally found the courage to confront my Native American parents, who happily celebrate Thanksgiving every year, even though it's a holiday about genocide. They rolled their eyes and said, "Fine. Don't come, we don't want a killjoy like you at dinner." FML

agreeclassic 156

vote type 1 801

Tech bro

By Pauly - 16/10/2025 09:00

Today, I was showing my new “smart home” setup to my friends. I said, “Alexa, dim the lights.” Nothing happened. So, louder: “ALEXA, DIM THE LIGHTS.” Still nothing. I kept yelling, getting increasingly dramatic, until one of my friends said, “Bro, your Alexa is unplugged.” FML

agreeclassic 65

vote type 1 515

Chancer

By Anonymous - 18/10/2025 22:00

Today, on day one of opening my first restaurant, a customer complained his chicken fried steak contained only steak and no chicken. I thought he was taking the piss but no, he was just that dumb, and he refused to leave until he got a refund despite having eaten it all. I had to call the police. FML

agreeclassic 406

vote type 1 71

Brain fog

By Wilmot - 22/10/2025 12:00

Today, I went through a drive-thru and ordered a coffee. The cashier asked, “Hot or iced?” I panicked and said, “Yes.” We both just stared at each other until she said, “So… which one?” I wanted to drive away and never return. FML

agreeclassic 141

vote type 1 333

Have a good one!

By Anonymous - 27/10/2025 20:00

Today, I texted my friend “Happy Birthday!” with balloons and confetti emojis. She replied, “It’s next week, but thanks for being early.” I’ve been her friend for ten years. FML

agreeclassic 122

vote type 1 327

Just go for it!

By :( - 31/10/2025 09:00

Today, I've never celebrated Halloween or Christmas because my super-duper religious parents forbade me from doing so. Now I'm an adult and really want to make up for the childhood memories I was brutally robbed of, but I know people will laugh at me and say I'm too old if I try. FML

agreeclassic 425

vote type 1 98

Policy of truth

By Anonymous - 02/11/2025 03:00

Today, I spent some time talking to a girl I'm interested in. All signs point to a "no" if I asked her out, but the repeated shifts between chatting like we're the only people on Earth, to feeling like she doesn't know I exist when I randomly experience radio silence, is an emotional rollercoaster I'd like to end. FML

agreeclassic 311

vote type 1 172

Spooky season ain't over

By Brendon - 05/11/2025 15:00

Today, I came home and heard the shower running. Assuming my roommate was in there, I yelled, “Don’t use up all the hot water!” Then my roommate walked in with groceries. I froze. The shower stopped. The bathroom was empty. Now I have to move out or start charging rent to a ghost. FML

agreeclassic 374

vote type 1 93

Average "alternative medicine" enjoyer

By Anonymous - 07/11/2025 09:00

Today, after I unfortunately woke up too early and too quietly at my new-ish boyfriend's place (we've been together for about a month), I walked into his bathroom to discover that he's one of those freaks who drinks his own piss every morning. FML

agreeclassic 515

vote type 1 89

Better safe than sorry

By Anonymous - 14/11/2025 12:00

Today, I was going over my vaccinations when I spotted that I hadn't gotten my Covid vaccine since last year. Not a big deal, my doctor hadn't made a mention of it on the last visit, and I got my flu shot last month. At least it wouldn't be a big deal if my friend hadn't tested positive for Covid last week. FML

agreeclassic 211

vote type 1 278

Broken promises

By Perky_p!nk - 19/11/2025 20:00

Today, I got a message from a woman who reached out to me to let me know that my boyfriend is going behind my back and getting on dating sites and apps, begging women, or at least her, for sex, and to meet up with him in our fucking apartment. FML

agreeclassic 317

vote type 1 68

Everything must go

By Anonymous - 21/11/2025 15:00

Today, I realized that I’m a loser. My coworkers have hit 9k and 16k in total sales, and I’ve never even come close to those numbers. I swear I work hard, but everything just sucks. I fucking hate my life. FML

agreeclassic 295

vote type 1 122

Keep fit

By Anonymous - 23/11/2025 09:00

Today, I found out why I was gradually getting worsening hip pain in those muscles. Turns out I was slouching too much and it had finally caught up with me. I'm only 39. Nothing like needing to go to physical therapy to correct my posture before I turn 50. FML

agreeclassic 237

vote type 1 147

You're welcome

By Anonymous - 26/11/2025 22:00

Today, my parents, who always bitch that they don't see me enough since we live in different states, completely ignored me during their early Thanksgiving visit and used me as a free hotel for my younger siblings. I maybe spent four hours with them during their three day stay. FML

agreeclassic 357

vote type 1 83

Prodigy

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 12:00

Today, I have in my living room a Rubik’s cube I’ve been trying to solve for over a year. I just got home and it was sat on the floor solved. Apparently my wife gave it to her nephew to play with and he solved it in about four minutes, then got bored. He’s 8 and I’m 33. FML

agreeclassic 276

vote type 1 189

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 04/12/2025 00:00

Today, I was thinking again how I literally haven't had any real life friends for years. I know I don't interact with others much, especially recently, but why am I even ignored at school? Do I deserve this like people keep saying? I really like my online friends but why does everyone but me have someone IRL? FML

agreeclassic 292

vote type 1 115

Proportional response miscalculation

By Sweet Shawarma - 05/12/2025 20:00

Today, I got served. I'm being sued by a porch pirate, whom my brother claims to have taken care of, to never steal from me ever again. What did he do? He caught her in the act and stopped her, by loading and pointing a shotgun on her face. Oh? The package in question, a kiddie eraser set priced roughly $10. FML

agreeclassic 385

vote type 1 65

Misophonia

By Blech - 07/12/2025 15:00

Today, I was supervising a training exercise at work, where everyone had to wear microphones. One guy was congested and I got to hear six hours of sniffling, snorting, coughing, throat clearing, and mucus blowing. FML

agreeclassic 325

vote type 1 70

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

agreeclassic 31 617

vote type 1 2 758

Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML

agreeclassic 39 732

vote type 1 2 517

Today, my girlfriend got a sexy new tattoo as a surprise for me. It’s on her boob in Japanese, next to a pair of sexy lips, and she claims it says "Oral Queen." I'm fluent in Japanese so I wish she'd asked for my help first, because it actually translates to "Mouth Ruler" which is not sexy at all. FML

agreeclassic 1 002

vote type 1 248

Today, it's my birthday. My husband said he had to work today and “rain checked” my birthday celebration for “god knows when, because I’m so busy. I’ll let you know.” A couple of months ago it was his female work bestie’s birthday and he got her a cake, balloon, flowers, and requested time off to take her out for lunch. FML

agreeclassic 1 227

vote type 1 180

Today, I met my girlfriend's friends for the first time. One of them walked up to me and gushed, "Oh my god, Joshua! It's so nice to finally meet you!" Then she made a remark about how she heard I played hockey. Hi, my name is Matt, and my sport is wrestling. FML

agreeclassic 502

vote type 1 92

Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML

agreeclassic 1 795

vote type 1 270