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Slice of life

By Anonymous - 07/09/2025 15:00 - Netherlands - Creil

Today, my son was crying because he wanted to listen to a song that he and Daddy listen to. My husband is at work and I can't reach him. I've looked and looked for the song but I can't find it. My husband has such wack taste in music I don't know where to look, and my son is too upset to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 70

Good question

By Not today Satan!! - 18/09/2025 03:00

Today, I reheated leftover soup and confidently carried the steaming bowl to my couch to watch TV. I sneezed halfway through sitting down, spilled soup all over my lap and instinctively yelled, “WHY, GOD?!” loud enough that my crazy neighbors banged on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 132

Pipe down

By ExCoworker - 27/09/2025 00:00

Today, my ex got mad at me because I made her shut up. She started a new job six months ago in sales, and all she does in the time we have to work in a team as volunteers is whine about her customers. She even started treating us (other volunteers) like her customers, to the point that we feel uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 88

What are you hiding?

By Horny af - 05/10/2025 22:00

Today, after several grueling weeks at the gym, my moribund sex drive suddenly kicked into high gear. All I want is for my husband to fuck me senseless, but he's now convinced I'm just trying to butter him up before dropping a bombshell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 176

Not my best work

By Anonymous - 16/10/2025 15:00

Today, I tried cooking dinner from scratch for my date. Everything was going great until I realised the “icing sugar” I'd sprinkled all over the dessert was actually flour. She took one bite, coughed, and said, “So you’re more of a Uber Eats kinda girlie?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 363

Great grandfather material

By Anonymous - 29/10/2025 20:00

Today, I went to see my dad to tell him that my girlfriend of two years is pregnant. He burst out laughing, and said, "You r*tard! You've fallen for the oldest trick in the book! Caught by your dick in the hairy bear trap!" He was still laughing hysterically when I left an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 122

Motherly odor

By Anonymous - 07/11/2025 15:00

Today, my daughter said, “Mommy, you’re my favorite person!” Then she added, “Because you smell like mac and cheese.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 115

Related by blood

By Anonymous - 11/11/2025 03:00

Today, via Ancestry, I learned I am distantly related to my boss. Did it bring us closer? Did it buggery. My boss is a vindictive harpy at the best of times and now she knows we share a great-great-grandmother, she hates me even more because “my side of the family blah blah blah…” FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 87

Bad day, huh?

By Anonymous - 12/11/2025 22:00

Today, work was exhausting, so I decided to get a pretzel crust pizza from Little Caesars on the way home. When I got home and opened the box, not only was the pizza cooked rather poorly, but there was also a mountain of salt strewn all over it, EXCEPT for the crust. How do you even mess up that badly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 79

Twisted

By no vacation then I guess - 20/11/2025 00:00

Today, when I got home, I learned that my five year-old had tried to burn the house down when my wife told him that he needed to stop watching TV. Now we need a counselor and it's going to cost thousands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 114

Beep beep

By Anonymous - 23/11/2025 15:00

Today, my phone auto-connected to my car’s Bluetooth as I drove my boss to a meeting. I didn’t realize my playlist had switched to dramatic telenovela theme music at full volume. She jumped, grabbed the door handle, and asked if I was “OK, like, emotionally?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 229

Go team!

By Mustanggt - 28/11/2025 22:00

Today, my team was mistakenly scheduled against an over-60 team. I'd feel sorry for the old fogeys if they hadn't beaten us 3-0 and racked up seven yellow cards and a red on the way to doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 332

Shot by both sides

By Anonymous - 21/12/2025 22:00

Today, my girlfriend was too busy having sex with my roommate to notice our accommodation being burgled. So now I don’t have a girlfriend, a rent paying roommate, a television, a PS5 or, for some reason, half of the books from my bookshelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 89

To the moon!

By juggalo2 - 03/01/2026 09:00

Today, I told my wife I was getting nervous about the surge in silver prices, and I wanted to sell some of our holdings. She told me not to be a "paper-handsing little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 330

Cramped my style

By Anonymous - 15/01/2026 20:00

Today, I reached a limit I wasn’t aware I had when I had to tell my husband we’re not having shower sex anymore because he’s gotten so big since he retired, we don’t both comfortably fit in there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 18

Tripped wires

By Anonymous - 18/01/2025 00:00 - Denmark

Today, I joined what I thought was my company’s morning meeting. It took 15 minutes of listening to strangers talk about organic farming before I realized I was in the wrong Zoom. I still don't know how the link I was sent got me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 136

Complaint

By Anonymous - 21/01/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I work cleaning houses and a customer submitted a complaint about me to my boss, because he didn’t expect me to use his water from his taps, running up his water bill, which he saw as unfair. What was I supposed to do, bring a water tank with me on my back? Prick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 80

He's onto you

By No way, doggy - 25/01/2025 00:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I tried to sneak some cookies out of the pantry without my dog noticing. I dropped one, and now he thinks that every time I open the pantry, it’s snack time. He won’t stop barking at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 189

Mixed emotions

By Glen - 26/02/2025 04:30 - India - Ooty

Today, my girlfriend of 5 months walked in on me naked while I was on the toilet. She proceeded to tell me that she wants to watch me taking a dump. I'm both shocked and too hard to do what she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 158

Stick to grasping at straws

By Anonymous - 14/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I heroically caught a falling cup of coffee that I'd knocked off the counter. I thought I'd saved the day, until I realized I didn’t actually grab the cup; I'd grabbed the hot coffee directly with my bare hand. I spent the next few seconds hopping around like a maniac while everyone in the office watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 139

Welcome to the machine

By Lol - 31/03/2025 20:00 - United States - Austin

Today, after I spent the last year working overtime to prove myself at my tech job, I got an email saying I was laid off due to “strategic restructuring.” My boss posted a vacation picture right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 81

Party pooped

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, it was my Sweet Sixteen. Only two of my friends showed up, and they spent the whole night texting their boyfriends. After several failed attempts to do something fun or even get them to talk to me, I got up and left the room, and didn't come back. They didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 98

Bigmouth strikes again

By Ishouldnthavesaidthat - 15/06/2025 21:00 - United States - Queens

Today, I was leaving work to go home and ran into some people setting up an event in one of our rooms. In my socially anxious way, I told them they couldn’t use our equipment by saying my boss is a massive bitch. Turns out he knows my boss and disagrees. I hope he doesn’t say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 597

What happened next?

By Broke boy - 26/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet stall and realized too late that there was no toilet paper left on the roll. I had to awkwardly shuffle around in a panic, knocking on the stall walls to ask for help. The guy in the next stall over gruffly said, “Dude, be a man, just use a sock or something.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 123

Night predator

By Gwen - 28/06/2025 16:00 - Russia - Rostov-on-Don

Today, I'm a 40+, aging, ugly woman with bad skin, and gaining weight. In the middle of the night, the cat landed on my face, clawing it so badly that it left actual scars. Just purrrfect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 145

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 19/07/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I set a silent alarm on my phone for 6:30 AM so I wouldn’t wake up my partner. Problem is, I forgot to turn off “Do Not Disturb” mode, so my alarm never went off. I woke up at 9:30 AM, still in pajamas, and missed a meeting with a client. I'm avoiding my manager's calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 445

He's still a very good boy

By PaulineIsHere - 04/08/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I spent all day baking dog-safe cookies for my pup's birthday. He sniffed them, turned around, and started begging for one of MY processed garbage cookies from a store instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 241

Social media etiquette

By Anonymous - 08/08/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I tried to secretly screenshot my gym crush’s Instagram story. I sent them a heart reaction instead. Then I panicked and tried to unsend it. I then accidentally did it again. They messaged me, “You good?” No. No, I am not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 514

Whatnot etc.

By Fucked - 07/09/2025 22:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I started my new shift schedule. They run on the policy: "Early is on time, on time is late." My shift starts at 6 in the morning. It's now 11pm and my wife called me a selfish bastard for asking her to get off Whatnot so I can sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 55

Yummy

By Tuna ice cream - 09/09/2025 03:00

Today, after a week of working 18-hour days, I finally sat down to eat more than a sandwich. Unfortunately my kitchen has become a mess and I bypassed the clean bowl I'd put on the counter and ate my ice cream out of the cat's dirty food bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 375

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was in my local supermarket's frozen aisle and I started doing a little dance of joy because my favorite ice cream was on sale. I turned around to see my ex and his new girlfriend watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 249

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 627

You deserved it 10 036

Today, my boyfriend complained that we may not work out because I'm "just too needy". I'd woken up early and texted him "good morning" while he was trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 755

You deserved it 9 671

Today, my mom casually told me, "Remember that time we went to build a swing set when you were four? Actually, I was going to hang myself and take you with me so that you didn't suffer in this life. If it wasn't for your Grandma, we wouldn't be here now. And when I took you to the lake… Oh, silly me!" Cool, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 79

Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 061

You deserved it 1 678

Today, my daughter would rather make payments on a payment plan for a $2000 Gucci purse, yet she refuses to move out and get a place on her own, or chip in for rent. She’s 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 1 166