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Whoops

By Anonymous - 27/04/2026 20:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I took a car out for a test drive to investigate a mysterious clunking noise. I heard the exact sound the customer had described, and then realized a wrench had been left on top of the engine and had slipped down and got caught near the battery. I had to come back and explain that the issue had been a skill issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 95

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 01/05/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I was threatened with arrest for refusing to accept a citation for having a dog off leash in a park. It wasn’t my fucking dog! It was a very friendly stray that started following me on my morning walk. I tried to explain myself but the dog wouldn’t leave my side or stop barking at the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 76

Family ties

By SadOne - 04/05/2026 22:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I didn't know that my toxic mother went to my sister's house. I called her, and she said to my sister while on the call to me, "She's so loud and always disturbing me." I cut the call and stopped talking to her. She's mad now and my dad's scolding me for hurting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 84

Benefits

By Anonymous - 13/05/2026 20:00 - Poland

Today, after years of no sex, a friend of mine told me she would like some benefits. I got too excited and came before even putting it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 182

Why did I say that?

By Candidate - 21/06/2026 22:00 - Australia

Today, after months of unemployment, I got an interview. It went great until the recruiter asked if I had questions. Trying to sound thoughtful, I asked, "What do employees dislike most about working here?" The recruiter laughed and said, "That's a unique way to phrase that." I spent the rest of the interview wondering why my brain chose violence at the worst possible moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 168

Referees

By Anonymous - 25/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Newark

Today, my very very loud upstairs neighbor's children got ahold of athletic whistles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 58

Got milk?

By Bro - 09/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I tried to discreetly smell a carton of milk to see if it had gone bad. I squeezed it a little too hard and it sprayed directly into my face. My roommate walked into the kitchen at that exact moment, then silently walked back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 256

Hangry

By Anonymous - 22/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Waynesburg

Today, I stopped at a mini-mart and bought a family-size bag of potato chips, a tub of dip, a box of toaster pastries, and some snack cakes. The guy at the counter said, "Wow, someone's hungry!" I told him it wasn't all for me, paid, and left in a huff. It was all for me. I ate it all by that evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 408

What is this?

By Not my dog - 23/07/2026 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I paid extra for priority shipping because I desperately needed my package before the weekend. It arrived on time. It was the wrong package. I'm now the proud owner of a dog raincoat. As in a raincoat for dogs. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 75

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

By I want to forget too... - 03/08/2026 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 62

I'll play chicken in my sleep

By Maya - 07/08/2026 00:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I’m the latest learner of the lesson that, however desperate one is for relief from both, it is wrong to take sleeping pills (for insomnia) and laxatives (for constipation) on the same night. I'd have been fine alone. The catch is a night of pooping as I slept taught my guy that I’m bad to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 413

Happy birthday, dear…

By Anonymous - 15/08/2026 22:00 - United States - Rockford

Today, while singing "Happy Birthday", my boyfriend's mom said his ex's name instead of mine. Almost everyone at the party got it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 58

Falconhoof

By Another clue - 28/08/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, after months of wondering what a mysterious key I found in an old kitchen drawer unlocked, I finally discovered it fit the lock on a storage unit. I opened it and found a box containing three other keys I had also forgotten about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 286

Discord weirdo

By Miku - 01/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, a creep messaged me on Discord, asking my brother to pinch my cheeks, and to send a photo of me pretending to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 71

Doggy dog world

By No way, dog - 01/10/2025 00:00

Today, I bent down to pick up my dog’s mangled tennis ball at the park. At the exact same moment, someone’s Great Dane ran full speed into me from behind, knocking me face-first into the mud. My dog then ran off with another family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 91

Hair today, gone tomorrow

By Frankie - 17/10/2025 00:00

Today, I unwittingly told the barber, “Do whatever you think looks best.” He got creative. Forty-five minutes later, I walked out with a haircut that made me look like a backup dancer in a 1990s boy band. My girlfriend said, “You're going to have to wear a beanie if you want to walk around with me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 456

HSR FML

By ZelWinters1981 - 04/11/2025 12:00

Today, I applied for the health and safety representative role at work as an add-on to my role. I convinced a co-worker to put his name down along with mine so I wasn't the only one. He didn't want it so much, and it went to a vote… which I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 423

Welcome back!

By Sorry... - 09/11/2025 20:00

Today, my husband was coming back after three weeks away for work. I was ready to surprise him when he walked in, but the cat took a foul shit in the litter box and the smell stressed me out so much that the first thing he heard was, "Clean the cat box!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 555

Babe

By Anonymous - 13/11/2025 09:00

Today, after I had third date sex with a guy I really like, he ended up sleeping over. This morning we woke up, showered together, had breakfast, and he admitted to me he couldn’t remember my name because he currently has four women on the go and forgot which one I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 155

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 15/11/2025 03:00

Today, I set an out-of-office auto-reply for my work email saying, “Currently out of the office, pretending to care somewhere else.” I forgot to turn it off. My boss emailed me three times before I noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 547

Unilateral decision

By Why - 16/11/2025 22:00

Today, my husband enrolled our daughter for a dance event, even though I was against it. I told him before he enrolled that I couldn't take her to practice or the event in this cold, as I can't drive while he's driving our car. He went for a trip with his friends, so guess who's standing in the cold outside dance practice… FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 103

Confuddled

By Anonymous - 25/11/2025 20:00

Today, I trusted my husband to take the kids to the park by himself 600 yards from the house so I could get some housework done. He managed to lose one bicycle, three wellies, a glove, and his wallet. I sent him back. It’s been two hours and he’s only found his emptied wallet and one welly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 90

Mixology

By Anonymous - 01/12/2025 03:00

Today, I tried to act confident at a work mixer by telling a funny story. Halfway through, I gestured too wildly and knocked an entire bowl of pretzels off the table. Everyone watched them scatter across the floor like confetti. I just kept talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 355

I ate being proved right

By Anonymous - 06/12/2025 12:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years cheated on me with his ''sister-like friend." It's the girl I was always worried about, and half our arguments were about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 89

Bad start, bad end

By Sarah - 02/01/2026 00:00

Today, I was on holiday over the Christmas period and ended up with food poisoning. I spent most of the time on the toilet. I think I’ll stay home next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 64

Scap

By Anonymous - 02/02/2026 22:00

Today, my mum got annoyed and screamed that I should appreciate her more, all because I had to get my car scrapped and wouldn't let her friend who'd offered me 100 pounds less than another scrapper. I'm broke and we're in a cost of living crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 64

Communication breakdown

By Anonymous - 10/02/2026 00:00

Today, I had to take my life into my hands and tell my wife that when she was yelling at me earlier, she was yelling at me in her own language, which I’m still not fluent in, so whatever it was that upset her, I still haven’t fixed it because I didn’t understand the instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 112

Good neighbors

By S. from 45B - 13/02/2026 15:00

Today, I moved into a new place. I wanted to be a good neighbor so I baked banana bread and knocked on the door across the hall. The woman looked terrified, said “No thank you,” and closed the door. Building security later asked why I was “soliciting food.” Turns out there’s been a string of fake delivery scams in the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 66

How romantic!

By Anonymous - 15/02/2026 09:00

Today, it’s Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend promised me that instead of a packed chain restaurant we would have “dinner under the stars.” We ended up having Slurpees and Slim Jims in the 7-Eleven parking lot. He called me ungrateful for not appreciating his “romantic gesture.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 162

Sad boat

By Anonymous - 22/02/2026 15:00

Today, my best friend died in a car accident. I'm currently on a cruise with my family and my parents refuse to pay for me to go home early, which means I'm likely going to miss the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 86

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The Top

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 210

You deserved it 274 645

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 94

Random

Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 2 819

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 107

You deserved it 25 647

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 743

You deserved it 3 605

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 2 373

Today, our toilet overflowed during the night. Over 50 gallons worth leaked through the floor and the ceiling to the room below. I am now covered in poop water. What a way to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 991

You deserved it 275

Today, I'm an insomniac. My husband knows this but still woke me up throwing a fit because he lost a round on his stupid fucking cellphone game. He has to watch a 15 second ad for another life; meanwhile, I’ll be lucky if I fall back asleep before the sun comes up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 57