The Top

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Classic lineup

By LonelyInLove - 17/02/2023 08:00 - United States - Methuen

Today, a guy I had developed feelings for broke things off with me, giving me a version of the “it’s not you, it’s me” line. This was the first person I had liked/wanted to date in almost 8 years. I think I’m destined to be alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 162

Lovely day

By Anonymous - 21/02/2023 12:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it’s this year’s first spring-like day, with warm sunshine, birdsong, and the first tiny flowers! So of course I'm taking full advantage of this delightful weather by… being sick and staying indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 134

Radio silence

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 07/07/2024 21:00 - United States - Gilbert

Today, my family wonders why I don't call them more often. Probably because every single facet of my life is a disaster; medically, professionally, mentally and emotionally. Who wants to listen to a radio station that has nothing but bad news playing on it? Also, no habits that will get me an early grave. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 137

By mafille - 19/03/2015 03:22 - France

Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 508

You deserved it 5 531

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 10:59

Today, I was taking phone calls. In my dreams. That's just how horrible my job is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 98

Pretentious menus suck

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 02:00

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant and couldn't pronounce any of the menu items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 566

Skincrawling

By Wanna be a skeleton - 10/07/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was finally able to see a dermatologist and figure out why my skin problems are so awful. The good news is that I now have an answer: Hidradenitis suppurativa. The bad news is that it's a permanent condition. It's been making my life miserable since I was fourteen, and it's PERMANENT. Great. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 89

Buzz off

By Anonymous - 22/11/2021 16:59

Today, my mother is mad at me for deleting my Facebook account. I actually deleted the account because I'd had enough of putting up with her criticizing comments on every Facebook post I made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 117

By BrefODM - 13/06/2014 03:15 - United Kingdom

Today, thanks to an efficient diet, I reached my target weight. Unfortunately, my chest has disappeared. My boyfriend suggested we have a funeral for my bras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 967

You deserved it 7 531

Goofs and gaffes

By Chelsea - 23/02/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I called my new boss by my old boss's name during a meeting. My new boss said nothing, but just glared at me in silence. Somehow, I think he wasn't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 244

By inconnue - 18/03/2013 22:34 - France - Lyon

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 655

You deserved it 9 153

We've all done it

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 04:00

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 226

Smoked

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 11:01 - Canada

Today, I washed my clothes in the shared laundry room. All my clothes came out smelling like smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 149

Honey, time to move

By Anonymous - 24/07/2024 11:00

Today, I told my mom that I’m pregnant. My husband and I live in a cottage on her land, and her actual words were, “Well you better abort it, because you’re not having any baby in my cottage. The piss, shit, and sick will ruin the resale value.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 195

Those pesky little *****

By Anonymous - 28/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was stung by a red wasp. While my husband heroically killed it, I, the person terrified of wasps after being swarmed as a child, collapsed, sobbed, screamed, and almost vomited from sheer terror. Give me snakes, spiders, insects galore and I am fine. Single flying asshole of doom and I turn into a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 183

Alexa, play "Wendy" by The Beach Boys

By jake - 07/01/2022 02:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, it’s been 2 years since my highschool ex dumped me after I went to college. Since then, I fell into depression, dropped out, and am now trying to get back on my feet working at Wendy’s. Meanwhile, she’s been having the time of her life, hanging out with bands, and got rich from TikTok. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 831

Have fun!

By Outandaway - 09/03/2023 00:00

Today, I encouraged my boyfriend to get out of the house more often. So he did. He went out on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 259

Crunchy

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 12:00 - Denmark - Randers

Today, I made a smoothie with all the healthy ingredients I could find. As I took my first sip, I realized too late that I had accidentally blended in a dead fly that had fallen into the blender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 167

How's your hovel?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 08:02 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was cooking in my Airbnb and grabbed a pan, only to find it had some kind of beetle and droppings all over it. I realized soon after that the whole place was infested, but the person in charge of maintenance won’t answer my messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 107

Where to start?

By doggone - 24/03/2023 14:00 - United States

Today a big-ass hawk swooped down and carried off my daughter’s dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 135

Cheapskate

By Anonymous - 19/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell my daughter that the gold wedding ring her fiancé gave her as proof he was serious about the wedding is actually just a brass compression ring, worth less than a quid. She refuses to believe me, because I’ve never liked him. I’m a plumber; I know a brass ring when I see one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 75

Overcompensating

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 14:00

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my crush how I feel about them. I poured my heart out, only for them to tell me that they're already seeing someone else. To make matters worse, they then asked me for advice on how to impress their new partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 215

Not so demure start to the year

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, it was my first day of junior year and a little freshman scumbag pushed me out of the way for no apparent reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 131

Looking good

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 16:00

Today, I decided to try a new hairstyle. I ended up with a haircut that makes me look like a cross between a mullet head and a pineapple. My friends are planning on making fun of me for a few weeks, so might as well shave it all off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 271

Please leave

By Yada yada yada - 28/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow some tools. Trying to be friendly, I asked how he was doing. He then spent the next 45 minutes describing his recent breakup in excruciating detail. I just wanted him to take the tools and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 169

Moving day, grandma

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 14:05 - United States

Today, after my daughter fell in love with a city I didn't want to move to and I caved to make her happy, after a year of which she got engaged at the age of 18 and moved with her fiancé back to his hometown not far from where we moved from, she called to tell me she's pregnant and my first grandchild will be hundreds of miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 503

One simple trick

By Keith87 - 07/09/2024 12:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I realized I've been using conditioner instead of shampoo for the last month. I was wondering why my hair never felt clean but always smelled great. Now I have to explain to my friends that my new "shampoo routine" was actually just expensive conditioner and ignorance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 464

Emotional

By Anonymous - 15/04/2023 10:00 - Australia

Today, I sent a WhatsApp message to my boss that was meant for my ex-boyfriend. The message was a picture of my middle finger. Note to self: always check which conversation window you're typing/sending pictures in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 1 169

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 22:05 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my mom proudly told me that she found the perfect thing to combat my B.O. Extra strength degreaser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 235

Factor variability

By Ella - 11/09/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, my longtime crush, who lives in Texas, got into a relationship. He turned me down when I'd confessed my feelings for him because he “doesn’t do long distance.” The girl he’s with lives in the same city as me. We both live in Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 143

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year-old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 088

You deserved it 10 644

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 029

You deserved it 3 945

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 649

You deserved it 784

Today, my husband and I went out to dinner. I caught him writing down his number for the waitress. When I confronted him, his response was, "What? I'm not allowed to have friends?" and threw a fit over my "irrational paranoia." I had to walk home in the cold, because he kicked me out of the car mid-argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 239

Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 301

You deserved it 44 337

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 455

You deserved it 3 713