Love: Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 101

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 40

17/10/2012 05:18

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 123

You deserved it 4 622

Love

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Our house, in the middle of our street

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

27/08/2016 16:49

Today, I parked in my "employee of the month" parking spot by the front of the store and started my shift. About halfway through my shift, a customer backed into my vehicle, got out and checked, then drove off before I could come outside. Perks of being the best employee I can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 490

You deserved it 842

Move!

By patrickRafael - 29/12/2009 14:21

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 325

You deserved it 2 998

02/03/2015 13:26

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 456

You deserved it 4 715

Smart

By Anonymous - 16/03/2011 17:20

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were at a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 790

You deserved it 14 637

18/06/2015 22:53

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 025

You deserved it 4 394

Packed in

By BackHurts - 16/07/2021 00:01

Today, I paid $140 extra to get more comfort during a flight. The man behind me was so tall that his legs didn't let me recline the seat, and complained every time I tried to during the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 193

17/05/2014 21:56

Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 529

You deserved it 4 188

01/11/2010 13:14

Today, I spent over $160 and 2 hours preparing for a Halloween party I was throwing. The only person who showed up was my sister, who helped me decorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 067

You deserved it 4 298

Nice neighborhood

By Frustrated - 03/01/2014 02:24

Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 443

You deserved it 3 676

30/03/2013 05:23

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 733

You deserved it 3 436

15/09/2011 04:42

Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 035

You deserved it 3 167

Sweets dreams are made of these

By jj. - 06/06/2021 00:01

Today, I had yet another dream in which my mother and I had a sweet conversation, followed by her hugging me and telling me she loves me. Then I woke up and remembered that my once-loving mother hasn’t spoken to me in five years, and her last words to me were, "I hope you die in a fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 71

06/12/2016 04:46

Today, after dropping my phone in the toilet, I left it dismantled outside in my backyard to dry hoping it could be saved. I forgot about the phone as well as the sprinklers that were scheduled to go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 587

You deserved it 3 925

14/03/2018 15:00

Today, I put out a public ad for a dancing buddy. No pictures, just a brief description of what I was looking for. A guy answered and we started chatting. The more he revealed, the more familiar he sounded. Yep! That's him! My stalker from 10 years ago. Guess I have to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 375

Rain stops play

By Wilf - 22/02/2013 15:48

Today, the arts company I work for cancelled our 8 pm sold-out outdoor performance at 7:30 due to rain, and will have to reticket 550 patrons. I'm the only person in the office trained in ticketing. It stopped raining 10 minutes after we cancelled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 779

You deserved it 2 748

03/09/2010 19:42

Today, I was feeling in the mood, so I walked into the kitchen with only my boxers on and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get in bed. She said, "Okay, but make sure to finish before Gossip Girl starts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 521

You deserved it 8 180

23/10/2016 09:31

Today, I went to a McDonald's drive-thru in just a shirt and underwear, thinking I wouldn't be seeing anyone. I got into a car crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 214

You deserved it 10 566

12/12/2013 21:01

Today, I misplaced my phone at small house party. I found it later, but not before being called a sick bastard by my crush. It seems one of my "friends" sent her a cock pic with my phone, and now she wants nothing to do with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 940

You deserved it 5 330

04/02/2009 14:35

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 836

You deserved it 7 523

20/04/2014 04:03

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 196

You deserved it 5 033

Be reasonable, people

By SailorVenus93 - 20/03/2020 06:00

Today, at work, I was told at the beginning of my shift that we would be enforcing a 4-item limit on hand sanitizer, toilet paper, etc. Not even 20 minutes later, I had 2 customers bitch me out. This is going to be a long shift, if not year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 118

26/09/2011 16:58

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 556

You deserved it 17 079

On the rocks

By leogs23 - 26/01/2021 10:59

Today, my fiancée is convinced that I just want to marry her to get a green card, so she doesn’t want to marry me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 669

10/02/2015 02:32

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 395

You deserved it 3 112

02/02/2009 04:31

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 752

You deserved it 7 024

01/04/2012 14:03

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 364

You deserved it 34 397

17/02/2009 20:52

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 190

You deserved it 8 923

07/10/2013 18:54

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 721

You deserved it 95 881

06/09/2016 13:38

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 446

You deserved it 1 478

12/05/2011 21:45

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 829

You deserved it 5 324

04/02/2011 05:42

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 782

You deserved it 7 386

15/06/2013 04:28

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 479

You deserved it 4 239

09/07/2013 02:02

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 826

You deserved it 5 434

27/08/2014 22:57

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 789

You deserved it 47 172

23/11/2014 00:10

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 098

You deserved it 5 943

20/03/2012 16:50

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 159

You deserved it 6 910

Fake it til you make it

By Carl - 08/12/2020 12:02

Today, I was working from home alone while my wife was at her office. I decided that instead of having a healthy lunch at home, I would walk to the fast food place a block over. I didn't realise that my fitness tracker would automatically log this as "Exercise (walk)." My wife clicked "Like" underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 821

17/09/2018 14:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 7 years has been cheating on me with my friend's 18-year-old sister, took her on the vacation we planned, and will be starting with my company next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 567

You deserved it 211

Boom!

By Elizabeth Ann - 12/07/2020 08:01

Today, I was laying with my cat when someone set off a firework next to my window. Now I have stitches and a bed covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 153

20/03/2011 15:03

Today, at the age of 16, I'm recovering from hip surgery. My friends took me out to the movies to cheer me up. They thought it would be hilarious to steal my crutches and leave me stranded and alone in the mall, multiple times. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 424

You deserved it 4 060

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Top comments

BLARGTEHTACO 20

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Saturday 21 April 2018 20:41

What do you mean fml? that's awsome damn it.

okaymyfriend 9

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Thursday 23 March 2017 3:10

Tbh he sounds like a boss

Comments

okaymyfriend 9

Send a private message

Thursday 23 March 2017 3:10

Tbh he sounds like a boss

BLARGTEHTACO 20

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Saturday 21 April 2018 20:41

What do you mean fml? that's awsome damn it.