Top

Top of the day Top of the week Top of the month Top of the year Top all time

Clapped out

By Anonymous - 26/02/2025 03:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, the door handle on my car broke. Now I have to roll down the window and use the outside handle to get out. Not only is this annoying, but my girlfriend gets irrationally angry every time, and rants about how trashy it looks. I can't fucking help that the handle broke, babe. FML

agreeclassic 425

vote type 1 142

What's it about?

By k…… - 02/04/2021 02:01

Today, I've had the exact same dream every night for a month. I'm sick of it. FML

agreeclassic 782

vote type 1 112

Piece of shit car

By Anonymous - 15/08/2019 16:04

Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML

agreeclassic 1 716

vote type 1 129

By DeathPopStar666 - 19/08/2019 14:00

Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML

agreeclassic 1 868

vote type 1 140

Superficial

By Bram - 29/06/2022 00:00

Today, I confessed to my husband that after having my eating disorder under control the last two years, I've relapsed the last three months. He responded by telling me to keep it up, because he wants to have the hottest wife out of all his friends. FML

agreeclassic 1 274

vote type 1 141

Take what you can get

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 00:30 - Netherlands

Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 823

vote type 1 169

Lost

By Shaggy - 11/10/2023 15:00

Today, I agreed to go on a last-minute road trip with my friends. Everything was going great until we realized we had no GPS signal in the middle of nowhere. We ended up following a "shortcut" suggested by a farmer and got stuck in a muddy field for hours, with livestock giving us judgmental looks. FML

agreeclassic 510

vote type 1 411

Stir crazy

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, even if I clean the whole house, my husband refuses to wash dishes if I cook, as I “use too many”, because when he cooks he only uses one pot. His “cooking” is dumping all the week's leftovers into a pot and calling it “stir fry.” It’s disgusting and he’s the only one that eats it. FML

agreeclassic 466

vote type 1 97

Nothing to be ashamed of

By Anonymous - 14/07/2022 16:00

Today, a friend was trying to show me memes on her phone when I noticed she had a few tabs open. I told her she was draining her battery and should close them. She opened them. Two were sex toy store pages. She was so embarrassed that she kicked me out. FML

agreeclassic 1 005

vote type 1 501

No Time for Haters

By FML Approved - 09/09/2017 03:30

Duck, dodge, dive, and weave!

agreeclassic 431

vote type 1 137

Exploitation

By Anonymous - 19/10/2023 20:00

Today, I went to work on my day off for some overtime. I’m not to leave my position until relief arrives. Twelve hours after my shift was supposed to be over, my boss calls me, asking if I can work another 8 hours at a different post, not knowing I’ve already worked 20 hours straight because the system rebooted. I didn’t get paid overtime. FML

agreeclassic 835

vote type 1 205

Conundrum

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 04:01

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

agreeclassic 1 041

vote type 1 147

PTSD Andy

By Anonymous - 21/10/2023 05:00

Today, poorly applied makeup made it look like I have a black eye in most of my wedding photos. I would have laughed it off, but I was showing them to my brother who was deployed during the actual wedding. He saw the black eye, assumed it was domestic abuse, and attacked my husband. FML

agreeclassic 724

vote type 1 170

Close proximity

By Anonymous - 01/05/2025 09:00 - Germany - Jesteburg

Today, I am appalled that my neighbor was fired from his job. Not because I pity him, but because now he will not only light his stinking grill under my living room window every single night, but also play his radio outside all day long. Also right under my window. His garden is HUGE by the way. FML

agreeclassic 367

vote type 1 105

Alexa, play "Here Comes the Summer" by The Undertones

By Uh oh - 03/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I put my AC in my room again in preparation for summer. However, I forgot that my cat messed up the accordion while climbing the window like an idiot, so it no longer closes properly. So there is now an opening in the window that I can't do anything about. Hello, insects. FML

agreeclassic 307

vote type 1 181

Emotional support please

By sadrainindeed - 11/11/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I cried myself to sleep. Last night too, and the night before that, and the nights before those. But I guess that’s what life is, huh? FML

agreeclassic 402

vote type 1 135

Exciting!

By dummy - 22/07/2022 02:00

Today, the most excitement in my week has been getting my new electric toothbrush in the post. I honestly can’t wait for it to charge. FML

agreeclassic 750

vote type 1 213

Right in the nuts

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 06:01

Today, I thought it would be fun and nice to pick my little brother up, but no, he accidentally kicked me in the balls. Twice. FML

agreeclassic 733

vote type 1 252

Oh well, you tried

By Perthgal96 - 16/11/2023 05:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got my pendulum board and I was asking it questions when my mum asked me to ask it if her and 'Jose' will be together. The same person/catfish who scammed 7 thousand dollars from her. She didn't believe me when the board said no. FML

agreeclassic 431

vote type 1 139

Falling

By Kassy - 16/05/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I treated myself to an hour long massage. Halfway through, I mumbled, “Thank you” to the masseuse and, without thinking, added, “I love you.” There was a long pause. Then she patted my head and whispered, “You’re welcome.” FML

agreeclassic 156

vote type 1 338

Not my problem

By Anonymous - 19/05/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to getting his side chick (who I didn't know about) pregnant. If that wasn't bad enough, he actually had the nerve to call me a "selfish bitch" for wanting a divorce and refusing to help raise the kid once it's born. FML

agreeclassic 780

vote type 1 78

Free healthcare for all

By Vickie - 18/06/2021 16:00

Today, while mopping the kitchen, I ended up slipping and and knocked over the table that had my mom’s iPad on it. The screen shattered; I sprained my wrist. I asked my mom to take me to the ER. She called me "selfish" because her iPad screen repair would "cost more." FML

agreeclassic 990

vote type 1 128

All shook up

By tongue tied - 16/08/2022 04:00

Today, at work at a beauty salon, I was explaining to a mom and her daughter about how we were going to style their hair, and the processes involved. I tripped over my words, saying, "We’ll start with a wash and a blowjob." Pretty sure from the way they stomped out I might not have a job tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 881

vote type 1 202

ADHD life hack

By Jet - 30/11/2023 19:00 - United States

Today, I tried a new productivity hack of setting multiple alarms to remind me of tasks. Instead, I spent the entire day in a cacophony of alarms, confusing myself to the point where I forgot what I was actually supposed to be doing. FML

agreeclassic 202

vote type 1 575

Let's offroad!

By Anonymous - 07/12/2023 15:00 - Australia

Today, my GPS led me to a "shortcut" that took me through a winding dirt road in the middle of nowhere. My car got stuck in the mud, and the tow truck driver told me I was the third person he's pulled out this week from the same "shortcut." FML

agreeclassic 550

vote type 1 176

Sleeping on the kitchen floor

By Covid_countdown - 25/08/2022 12:00

Today, my fiancée and I slept in separate rooms, even though we're now considered married based on a Congolese ceremony we had, because I got Covid. We will have two bedrooms in our next place, but the lease starts next month. FML

agreeclassic 629

vote type 1 201

You don't like the thumpa-thumpa music??

By worst birthday ever - 20/08/2022 16:00

Today, some people from work I don't know very well insisted on throwing me a surprise birthday party. They took me to a gay club. I'm straight, in a committed relationship, and suffer from horrible social anxiety and hypersensitive hearing. I would literally rather have been trapped in a burning building. FML

agreeclassic 1 054

vote type 1 149

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

agreeclassic 756

vote type 1 292

Feedback

By Coco - 02/09/2022 05:30 - India - Noida

Today, an interviewer kept me waiting for 20 minutes at reception, then marked me "late" in his feedback. FML

agreeclassic 1 314

vote type 1 87

The hero we need

By Anonymous - 04/07/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I saw someone get out of a car without putting it in park. I sprinted over and jumped in, trying to stop the car before it went down an incline. I didn't make it. I now have a dozen broken bones, need surgery, and was just informed I'm being held responsible for the wreck, since I was in it last. FML

agreeclassic 262

vote type 1 459

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

agreeclassic 40 068

vote type 1 5 086

Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML

agreeclassic 2 775

vote type 1 643

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

agreeclassic 40 683

vote type 1 11 523

Today, I took my wife to a country concert for her birthday, even though I can't stand country. While she had the time of her life, I was punched twice, had a beer dropped on me, and had a rather large, drunk woman fall on me. Happy birthday, baby. FML

agreeclassic 12 755

vote type 1 1 332

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

agreeclassic 17 267

vote type 1 36 972

Today, I got scammed and lost thousands of dollars, but my best friend would rather post on Instagram than reply to my texts. FML

agreeclassic 522

vote type 1 845