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Science, bitch!

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, one of my twin sons found out he's going to be a dad. His little sister who loves science ended up telling him that, since he has a twin who is genetically identical, he's genetically the baby's dad too. My son, being a bit dim, took this to mean his brother slept with his wife and hit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 124

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 10:59

Today, my dad completely disregards my mental health, insists mental disorders are just excuses for laziness in my generation, so even though I have crippling depression, at times he has no sympathy and will mercilessly bully me into “snapping out of it” and to "get a damn job already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 491

By onething - 08/07/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 973

You deserved it 17 971

By Mr. E - 14/11/2018 17:30

Today, as I was teaching my 10th grade biology honors class, a student came in with a dead frog and asked if we could dissect it. He tried to toss it to me and missed, so it landed in a girl's lap. She threw up all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 931

You deserved it 204

Nooooooo… !

By Nicole Jones - 01/10/2020 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a hard week, I decided to order a pizza with an expensive milkshake. It slipped out of my hand in front of the lift. It went everywhere. I had nothing on me to clean it up with. Now I’m milkshakeless, down £5, and accidentally responsible for littering my accommodation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 174

Countdown

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 02:00

Today, I finally got all of my finances to move out of my house. My mother, instead of being happy for me for moving out of her house, blames me because she needs my rent money, states I will not be happy out in the world and disowned me because I didn't move out when she wanted me to. She wanted me to stay until she was 55. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 96

Alexa, play "I'm a Realist" by The Cribs

By cynical - 05/10/2020 05:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was reading a romance story about a couple that fights, but gets back together and works out their issues. I was rooting for the breakup because I've become so cynical, I think forgiveness is weak and trust is for suckers. Yup, I'm now heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 508

I don't wanna

By Anonymous - 11/10/2020 14:02 - Estonia

Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 396

Dodging a bullet

By 2B single - 12/08/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, at a Con, I saw a girl in an impressive cosplay of a character from one of my favorite video games. I complimented her on her costume and got a picture with her. Later, my girlfriend called me a cheating creep and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 157

Fresh air

By Ceecee - 22/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk in the park. I was enjoying the fresh air until my dog spotted a squirrel and took off running. I ended up getting dragged through the mud and had to walk home covered in dirt and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 249

Age gap

By YoungBlood - 16/08/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I found out that when my mum had introduced me to her boyfriend, it was right before his birthday, so she'd rounded his age up. For two years I thought he was seven and a half years older than me, when really he's actually six and a half years older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 377

So you had a bad day…

By That guy - 15/10/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up early for work and spent 30 minutes frantically looking for my keys. I had to take a 30-minute Uber ride to work, then drove an hour in the company truck, only to be stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 151

PSA

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Tampa

Today, I just spent 3 hours at work reading FML posts and giggling at my desk. For the blurred out posts, I was moving my desk chair back to read what they said while squinting. I just realized I can hover the mouse and it will be clear and not blurry anymore. Now I have a headache and got in trouble with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 1 616

Bridezilla situation is crazy

By Anonymous - 19/03/2026 15:00

Today, at our wedding, my wife screamed at her niece and made a big scene about her wearing a white dress. Her niece is four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 77

Absolutely disgusting

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 12:00

Today, my boyfriend uses the same thermos mug for everything he drinks; water, coffee, cider, vodka, everything. This afternoon, I looked inside and it was slimy and black in places. I demanded to know when he last washed it. His answer, “Um, when did I buy it?” I can’t kiss him anymore, I feel sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 115

On the move

By Anonymous - 03/04/2026 00:00

Today, my wife and I realized that we made a huge mistake in allowing our son to stay behind and live with my parents when we had to move cross-country due to work. Our lives are so empty without him and we're missing out on watching him grow up, but he refuses to come live with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 643

He hath risen

By Anonymous - 09/04/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the grocery store when I tripped and knocked over a tower of Easter chocolate. The sound was so loud that everyone in the store stopped and stared at me while I tried to rearrange the chocolate bells, bunnies, and eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 198

Caught in 404p

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 16:00 - Taiwan - Taichung

Today, I had a job interview at Walmart. They showed a video of me stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 2 032

Control

By Anonymous - 16/04/2023 10:00 - Philippines - Naga

Today, I dated my friend’s ex-crush, but she was mad about it. I know about "Girl Code" but the thing is they never dated, so it didn’t count. She’s also in a relationship now with a different dude, so either she hasn't moved on from him or she feels possessive of him. Now I "don’t belong" to their friend group anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 218

Fresh

By Anonymous - 18/04/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I decided to get a haircut to change up my look. I asked for a bob, but the hairstylist misunderstood and gave me some sort of bowl cut. I look like a '90s sitcom character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 193

Freedom

By heartbroken - 17/04/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I’m devastated that I had to completely sever all ties with my mother. She’s a hyper religious zealot who’s gone as far as to threaten to kidnap my children in order to get them baptized after I refused to raise them in her archaic, abusive, oppressive cult-like “church”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 169

Bad times

By Day - 21/01/2022 02:01

Today, I got an email stating that my scholarship request was denied, 51 days after applying with no response. I'm now forced to drop-out from my college degree because I ran out of money, and I've been unsuccessful at finding a job for two years either, thanks to Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 348

You deserved it 238

Great expectations

By No Expectations No Disappointments - 18/09/2024 14:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my dad and his buddies were hanging out. One of them said to my dad, "Hey! I've heard your son wants to be a doctor! He he he! You better start saving up!" My dad then triumphantly responded, "PAH!!! No problem there. He's an idiot! He probably won't make it to premed!" And yes, he was sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 119

Coming in last

By coriander - 05/03/2022 00:01

Today, my evil twin sister was preparing for her prom. When I saw her trying on her dress, she looked at me and said, “First to get a boyfriend, a prom date, and into college. Maybe you’ll die first?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 103

Worst friend

By Cass - 20/04/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my best friend announced that he has a girlfriend now and we’ll be interacting less often. When I protested, he said, “Why are you acting like this? You rejected me when I asked you to be my girlfriend and told me we were just friends, did you not?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 897

The Terminator

By Manny Managerson - 23/11/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, a furious woman stormed into my job, demanding to know why I fired her precious baby boy. I explained that watching porn on the clock is grounds for termination. She screamed that I was lying about him and that she’ll see me in court for slandering him. I had to call the cops to make her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 87

Interpreter blues

By Aleksandar - 25/11/2020 05:01

Today, at the hospital, I had to tell someone he was going to die because I was the only one to speak his language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 293

You deserved it 72

Who TF Did I (almost) Marry?

By Anonymous - 01/05/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I was supposed to get married. I called it off only 20 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to begin because I saw my fiance punch his own mother in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 78

Schrödinger's internet

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 04:00 - Germany

Today, and for years, we keep getting offers for ultra high speed internet from the new fibre optic cables they put in. Whenever we ask the provider whether these cables are actually physically available at our address, they tell us they don’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 108

Puppy love

By goodbye grades - 15/03/2022 00:01

Today, I spent more than 5 hours transcribing all the notes from my computer to a notebook then to flash cards, to drill myself for a physics test. Even though my bedroom door was closed, my mom let our new puppy in so it wouldn’t be scared by the vacuum. Yes, it peed and chewed on my notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 113

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The Top

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 825

You deserved it 2 772

Today, I totaled my car, because I mistook the leaves blowing across the road for a child. I swerved and hit a tree. The home owner wants to sue for "harming his tree" and hospital wants to test my mental stability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 825

You deserved it 6 656

Today, my 14-year-old son was terrified of going into the water near our house, because he was scared of having his leg bitten off by a shark. We live by a lake. I tried explaining why it couldn't happen, but he just cowered behind a beach towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 192

You deserved it 4 823

Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 642

You deserved it 74 830

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 340

You deserved it 4 747

Today, I made roast beef with mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner. My 8-year-old daughter was crying and gagging the whole time, and eventually said between sobs, "Can't you just beat me and send me to bed hungry instead?" I have no clue where she got that idea from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 291

You deserved it 475