FML : Your everyday life stories

Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 12 March 2017 04:00 /

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

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By Dsark - / Wednesday 19 February 2014 05:12 / United States - San Diego

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

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You deserved it

By AwkwardPotato / Tuesday 2 July 2013 02:37 / United States - Bakersfield

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

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By Anonymous / Saturday 20 August 2011 07:42 / United States

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

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By Josie - / Monday 21 February 2011 07:46 / Australia

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By fmypaint - / Wednesday 14 October 2009 09:31 / United States

FML

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Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids....

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Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It...

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Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing...

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Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until...

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Nearly

Today, I decided to go topless at the beach to celebrate my weigh loss and recent singleness. However I forgot redheads and sun without sunscreen don't...

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Today, I received a text from the woman my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome with. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was...

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Romania

Today, I went on my first date in a year with a guy I met just a couple hours ago. I went back to my hotel to get better dressed and met him at the bar....

Singapore

Today, on my second week in my new job, I opened my desk drawer of snacks. Apparently no one had bothered to tell me that there's an office rat or mouse...

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Photos

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Spicy

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Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain down stairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep...

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Today, my mother-in-law and I were having a lovely chat about my partner, until, she asked me if "he was good in bed?" and saying things like "I've seen it, great length. I'm jealous." FML

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By Didn't want to hear that from you - / Friday 11 August 2017 10:46 /

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