Your everyday life stories

How did it come to this?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to say, "Put away your burrito," "That ruler is not a lightsaber," and, "Stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 696

You deserved it 5 357

Not missing out on much

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 02:01

Today, my mom is obsessed with my academic success, as she was a highschool dropout, and actually gives me more homework than my school does, all so I’ll be more advanced than my peers. I barely know what a television is anymore, since it’s been so long I’ve had enough free time to watch one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 158

So do some adults…

By geonix - 19/05/2021 08:00

Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 421

Workout

By Demitrius_T - 19/03/2021 07:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after noticing weight gain, I purchased an ab belt. Despite no gym for around a year now, I assumed I could easily sustain an advanced level workout and put the belt on maximum strength. The first shock catapulted me off my feet and smacked my head into the wall, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 263

Wage slave

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 20:08 - United States

Today, at work, our customer service chat was empty all day, so I got up to go to bathroom. In the two minutes I was gone, three people tried to chat with me. Then I got a call from my manager, asking me why I wasn't doing my job. He told me to give advanced notice next time I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 111

Groove is in the Heart

By samba_spaz - 19/09/2019 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at my usual drum circle. This guy I'd never seen before showed up and started playing an unfamiliar beat. Thinking he was new, I tried to teach him what to play. Turns out he was a professional drummer and was playing an advanced version of the groove I was trying to teach him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 2 115

By Dulok Warrior Princess - 10/09/2018 19:30 - United States - New York

Today, at gym class, coach placed the boys on an "advanced level" rope climb by having a girl cling on their back. I got paired with my crush. As he climbed, we were trailing behind so I cheered for him to go faster. He loudly responded, "Why don't you go on a diet!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 434

You deserved it 741

Slippin' up

By Anonymous - 21/09/2017 04:30

Today, I got some news from two colleagues, one of whom just got married for the first time, and the other whose long-time wife was recently diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. I wrote each of them a heartfelt note, which would've been thoughtful if I hadn't mixed up the recipients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 083

You deserved it 914

Nervous laughter

By Anonymous - 12/03/2017 04:00

Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 7 405

By Dsark - 19/02/2014 05:12 - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 310

You deserved it 3 725

By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 919

You deserved it 3 751

Randy buggers

By Josie - 21/02/2011 07:46 - Australia

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 168

You deserved it 3 833

By fmypaint - 14/10/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 595

You deserved it 35 333

Keywords

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The Top

Aujourd'hui, j'ai laissé mon iPhone tout neuf sur mon balcon. Aujourd'hui, mon chat a voulu faire le malin sur mon balcon. Résultat : un des deux est mort accidentellement et l'autre, je ne vais sûrement pas tarder à le tuer. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 93 980

You deserved it 45 643

Aujourd'hui, j'ai eu droit à un regard de jugement très sévère : celui de la sage femme venue ausculter mon nouveau né, alors que je venais de casser une bouteille de rhum sur moi parce qu'elle était en équilibre sur l'interphone. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 3 325

You deserved it 974

The Top

Today, I was on vacation, when a very cute guy starting talking to me and asked me what my name was. Overwhelmed and stressed out, I blurted out that I didn't have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 926

You deserved it 12 666

Today, I discovered that the vitamin I've been taking for hair growth actually works really well. Unfortunately, it only works on my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 689

You deserved it 1 830

Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 350

You deserved it 1 142

Today, I overheard a large group of my friends and acquaintances making spontaneous plans to go see a movie that afternoon. I was the only person not invited. Normally I would have believed their excuse that they thought I was "sick at home", except I was sitting a few feet away the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 037

You deserved it 2 730

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 078

You deserved it 2 094

Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 808

You deserved it 2 423