Your everyday life stories

Bent out of shape

By Anonymous - 01/10/2025 15:00

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I thought I was joining a “Beginner Yoga” class, but it turned out to be advanced hot yoga. I lasted six minutes before falling out of a pose, knocking over two water bottles, and crawling out of the room like a wounded crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 124

Not working out

By Anonymous - 09/11/2024 09:00 - Canada

Today, I joined my crush for their workout class. I didn’t realize it was an advanced class. Ten minutes in, I was gasping for air, bright red, and drenched in sweat. The instructor had to stop and ask if I needed a paramedic. My crush offered me a cup of water along with a look of deep concern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 450

Agony

By Megan Stevens - 25/08/2024 22:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I got told by the doctor that my aching knees indeed have advanced arthritis, meaning I'm grinding bone on bone 24/7. At 49, I'm "relatively young," meaning they want me to survive for as many years as I can before they'll replace them. Never mind that I've already been in agony for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 79

Never question upper management!

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I told my supervisor that I would have appreciated more oversight when running an advanced protocol for the first time recently. I'm now doing remedial basic training, for reduced pay and benefits, and my probationary status is "extended indefinitely." FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 134

Fairy tale

By Anonymous - 24/03/2024 20:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Today, I found out that an annoying guy who had asked me out spread a nasty rumour after I stood him up. According to him, I not only showed up to our date, I also went home with him, had advanced sex with him, then in the morning when he woke up, I was having sex with his roommate. All our friends believe this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 369

Get me out of here

By Shawn - 18/02/2024 15:00 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I have polymyositis. A muscle disease. Pretty advanced. I'm only able to work a few hours a week. In 2018 my roommate assaulted me in a drunken blackout. My boss moved me into her windowless garage. She and her husband run a catering business. They steal card tips, and cheat on their taxes. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 132

How did it come to this?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to say, "Put away your burrito," "That ruler is not a lightsaber," and, "Stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 5 376

Not missing out on much

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 02:01

Today, my mom is obsessed with my academic success, as she was a highschool dropout, and actually gives me more homework than my school does, all so I’ll be more advanced than my peers. I barely know what a television is anymore, since it’s been so long I’ve had enough free time to watch one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 177

So do some adults…

By geonix - 19/05/2021 08:00

Today, I discovered that apparently my six-year-old daughter actually believes that the United States is the only country with advanced technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 452

Workout

By Demitrius_T - 19/03/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after noticing weight gain, I purchased an ab belt. Despite no gym for around a year now, I assumed I could easily sustain an advanced level workout and put the belt on maximum strength. The first shock catapulted me off my feet and smacked my head into the wall, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 1 378

Wage slave

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 20:08 - United States

Today, at work, our customer service chat was empty all day, so I got up to go to bathroom. In the two minutes I was gone, three people tried to chat with me. Then I got a call from my manager, asking me why I wasn't doing my job. He told me to give advanced notice next time I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 125

Groove is in the Heart

By samba_spaz - 19/09/2019 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at my usual drum circle. This guy I'd never seen before showed up and started playing an unfamiliar beat. Thinking he was new, I tried to teach him what to play. Turns out he was a professional drummer and was playing an advanced version of the groove I was trying to teach him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 2 180

Great advice

By Dulok Warrior Princess - 11/09/2018 01:30 - United States - New York

Today, at gym class, coach placed the boys on an "advanced level" rope climb by having a girl cling on their back. I got paired with my crush. As he climbed, we were trailing behind so I cheered for him to go faster. He loudly responded, "Why don't you go on a diet!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 479

You deserved it 776

Slippin' up

By Anonymous - 21/09/2017 04:30

Today, I got some news from two colleagues, one of whom just got married for the first time, and the other whose long-time wife was recently diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. I wrote each of them a heartfelt note, which would've been thoughtful if I hadn't mixed up the recipients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 110

You deserved it 935

Nervous laughter

By Anonymous - 12/03/2017 04:00

Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 328

You deserved it 7 471

By Dsark - 19/02/2014 05:12 - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 344

You deserved it 3 748

By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 954

You deserved it 3 763

Randy buggers

By Josie - 21/02/2011 07:46 - Australia

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 208

You deserved it 3 861

By fmypaint - 14/10/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 606

You deserved it 35 392

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to wish us a happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us again and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 946

You deserved it 5 880

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 746

Random

Today, while looking through pictures of my boyfriend and me on Facebook, I noticed that in practically every single one featuring my best friend, his eyes are directed down her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 493

You deserved it 3 900

Today, I came home for lunch. I saw a sandwich on the table with a note saying, "I hope we can have a healthy new relationship, Love, Carissa." I saw another note from my girlfriend next to it saying, "I hope you enjoy your new relationship with Carissa." Carissa is my new step-mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 207

You deserved it 2 792

Today, my mom came up to the school to give me some money and a few water bottles for my friends and me for soccer practice. Before she left, I said "bye", then I realized my 2-year-old brother waving bye to me. So I bent down through the window to kiss him. As I did, my mom moved the car. It still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 018

You deserved it 4 479

Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 280

You deserved it 3 222

Today, I had an important test at 7 in the morning, so I sat the alarm at 6 o'clock and fell asleep. Later I was woken up by a call from my friend asking me why I didn't show up for the test. It was 9:30. I'd sat the alarm at 6:00 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 587

Today, I went to the dentist. Normally I walk out with no work to be done as he says my teeth are always great. I thought it was weird this time that he was scraping and pushing at my tooth when he usually doesn't. I'd walked in with a full set of teeth, walked out with a dentist-caused chipped tooth and a filling booked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 42