Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Back home
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Listen up
Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML
Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
Scheiße!
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML
Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
Top comments
StanSmith2013 26
Africa in Deutsch, is Afrika.
bach2121 13
Now you know your family is racist!
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Comments (67)
xoAbiox 18
Wow....
StanSmith2013 26
Africa in Deutsch, is Afrika.
prinzess_fml 25
Affenland was not used for Africa as a whole but for the colony Germany held in West Africa (now Namibia) from 1884 to 1915. It's quite an old word actually. The only reason why it survived in OP's family is because of emigration, for sure. People back then, especially the colons themselves, called the place Affenland instead of the long official name "Südwestafrika" (just like there is Alpenland, Frankenland etc.). Nobody uses that word in Germany anymore, not even the racists.
JanisEvans 10
I grew up in Germany. I've never even heard the word until today.
prinzess_fml 25
You can find it a few times if you search: "affenland" & "südwestafrika" (don't forget the quotation marks) in Google Books.
interesting33 37
It might not actually be racist, it could just be because that is where people believe the monkeys/apes to come from?
TheDrifter 24
Since OP is learning new vocabulary to replace what his white supremacist parents taught, just as it's Afrika, not Affenland, the people are Afrikaans, and calling them Affen will get your ass whooped if they understand you.
picante72 24
The use of the word Affenland is outside Mein Kampford zone. Ann Frankly its very racist.
untouchable763 10
Well it could of been worse if you know what I mean.
HKCgrimmjow 15
Not sure I know what you mean, please explain ^_^
sens3sfailing 25
They mean that it could have been the holocaust, cuze, you...it was bad...
mega20913 8
no I think this is bad enough already
isallwaysme 27
He could've been black. That would've been an awkward conversation from thereon out.
JJ_Rokk 10
This is why we have Google Translate buddy.
Zomg_Okay 27
Google Translate just makes it more confusing.
Geometric 18
Google Translate is horrible. A better online translator is Free Translation.
Voij 16
Google Translate is not yet supposed to correctly translate sentences. It also generally does not work well with single words, mainly because most of them have various meanings depending on context and yet Google only offers a single translation. What you should use Google Translate for is to get a rough grasp of what it is that you're reading if you don't know the language. For everything else you should use dictionaries, so that you can find the translation you are looking for.
capslockisgood 19
Even if google translate worked, why would OP use it if he thought he knew how to say Africa?
lishajoy777 14
Why you gotta be racist!? Da hell!
isallwaysme 27
I hope this was sarcasm.
iAlissa 34
I thumbed that guy up because of his picture. ^
Incredidanny 5
Mistakes happen. Be glad you caught it early in your German studies.
picante72 24
He did Nazi that error.
Zebediabolical 45
Never heard of the AfrikaKorps?
airforce987 20
Unless you are a WWII historian, you probably haven't.
bimbim_fml 6
In Europe knowledge that such troops existed is considered general knowledge. Probably same as some civil war facts in USA.
TheDrifter 24
That fact is even stuck in my Canadian brain from some long ago mandatory world history class. I thought it was common knowledge most everywhere.
Zanquis 22
Common knowledge for the world and common knowledge for the USA are two very different things. Where some importent history facts are not that importent for the USA as it happend so far away from them. Most europeans could not tell more about the american civil war other then it was north against the south and that it had to do with slaves amongst other things.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Honestly, most Americans could tell you just about as much.
botanistjessica 24
Ugh. Hate these America generalizations coming from people outside the US.
jaime1480 12
I live in the US and sadly they're mostly true...
little_one 20
I had a whole class on European history we learned a lot in that class even saw a video with footage from Auschwitz. I'm Canadian though and a lot of people from where I live (including me) have German parents or grandparents or are a different European background they still embrace. We also fought in WW1 and WW2. It's sad that the US doesn't teach it's people more about other countries (from what I've heard) maybe if they did when they travel they'd be treated better.
airforce987 20
Yes, I was trying to say that such information is not common knowledge in the US. I happen to know because I love studying WWII, but if I asked anyone else, they wouldn't know what it is. I didn't realize it was such common knowledge in Europe.
vivian_rae 8
So is that the term your mother's side of the family uses for Africa...?
klutz44 28
That is the implication
bach2121 13
Now you know your family is racist!
ViviMage 40
As long as you don't start with "der mist blahblah" insults. Ya didn't know. Ignorance is no excuse, though... Afrika is something I knew and I speak very little German.