Miscellaneous: Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in...

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 07:30 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 332

You deserved it 4 490

Miscellaneous

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Jan - 27/02/2013 04:50 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 267

You deserved it 4 317

Back home

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 19:21 - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 027

You deserved it 5 360

By dunicha - 17/11/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 372

You deserved it 38 308

By nullroute - 16/02/2016 11:34 - Switzerland

Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 134

You deserved it 2 800

Trespassing

By Anonymous - 06/02/2013 23:14 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 064

You deserved it 3 260

By nolinguist - 22/11/2009 17:39 - Austria

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 302

You deserved it 18 784

By lostforwords - 06/08/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 066

You deserved it 6 294

By traveling - 09/07/2013 11:18

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 964

You deserved it 6 409

By SchwesterGrimm - 19/06/2016 21:41

Today, a man sat next to me on a train carriage, despite various empty seats. During a weird conversation, I told him that I'm on my way back from London after seeing a friend from Germany there. He goes on to talk about Nazis and, with one arm in the air, asks me if he's doing the salute right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 345

You deserved it 963

By bird-brain - 21/11/2009 12:19 - Germany

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 443

You deserved it 5 142

hghrider123456 9

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:29

that's when you scream "NEIN NEIN NEIN"

HortonThelephant 15

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:28

Sprechen sie dick!

Comments

HortonThelephant 15

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:28

Sprechen sie dick!

ottokat 15

Wednesday 2 October 2013 1:33

speaking of which, what kind of douchebag takes advantage of someone who obviously can't communicate very well??

hghrider123456 9

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:29

that's when you scream "NEIN NEIN NEIN"

Wizardo 33

Tuesday 1 October 2013 13:23

That's when you dial it too...

chelseaaababyyy 17

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:37

This made me think of Impractical Jokers. 'SHUT YOUR FACE, GRANDMA!'

BntyHntrSeattle 30

Tuesday 1 October 2013 16:26

Who ARE you, Herman Cain?!

jw90 18

Tuesday 1 October 2013 18:04

Hiel Dickler

ShoyuSauceSoup 26

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:29

Some words really have different meanings in other languages...

Futacy 29

Wednesday 2 October 2013 3:25

"I annoy kids" in Spanish is "Yo molesto niños." It's just one false cognate that can horrify native English-speakers if not understood.

NYKTim 5

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:29

Ew. That's just gross OP. Old men shouldn't be hitting on people that's disgusting.

Flowtastic 16

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:53

Do you have some magical number for the age that they're supposed to stop?

Rainhawk94 27

Tuesday 1 October 2013 13:56

squidgy787 22

Tuesday 1 October 2013 14:57

#4- OP said he was middle aged, not on death's door. I'm middle aged and think I look pretty dang good. Am I now banned from chatting people up because I'm no longer in my twenties?

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:24

Aw crap! When did 32 become middle age? I'm buried under the damn hill.

queerdragon 20

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:47

I mean, he didn't try to touch Op. He said his apartment was around the corner, Op is the one who nodded and went along with it. She was giving all the signs that she was interested in him. How is he "ew" when Op was the one who made the mistake?

graceinsheepwear 33

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:53

I don't think 32 is commonly considered middle aged. That cracks me up. When will you be calling yourself old? 42?

esines 9

Wednesday 2 October 2013 0:17

I'm pretty sure this guy is being sarcastic... I honestly can't believe you all took him seriously

yellowaholic 25

Wednesday 2 October 2013 6:51

I don't think that was sarcasm...

ywolfgl 21

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:29

Sucks when you don't know the language! You won't know who's hitting on you

ryanthecheeseguy 18

Tuesday 1 October 2013 14:10

Hate it when that happens.

starile 19

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:39

Yeah, she prolly missed out on a chance with a great guy bc of it... keep asking dudes if their pensions are nearby, OP. You'll get laid after all.

maria05136 16

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:30

That sucks OP :/ but just be glad the old guy didn't try anything

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:27

Or maybe be saddened by it... *damn. Even old prunes wont hit on me*

rakooligan 11

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:30

Score!

singer0421 32

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:33

He may have been creepy but at least he didn't try to take you to his apartment.

starile 19

Tuesday 1 October 2013 15:40

Actually, he did try. She just didn't know.

SymphonyGrrl 12

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:33

English-German can be really weird. "Stewardess" translates to "juice pusher" in German, and it's actually a derogatory term.

askullnamedbilly 33

Tuesday 1 October 2013 12:40

Actually, most Germans will just use 'stewardess' or 'Flugbegleiter/in' (flight companion). No one in Germany will be offended or confused by the word stewardess since we do use it ourselves, and no one in their right mind will translate it to mean 'Saftschubse' or juice pusher. Unless they WANT to offend the stewardess, of course.