Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML
Today, I was hanging out at a friend's house. Her adorable 5 year-old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said, "You're fat. When are you going home?" FML
Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML
Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 years-old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother with shocked look and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML
Today, after undergoing a rigorous diet and exercise program, I was proud of losing 65 lbs in 3 months. When my favorite client saw me gleaming from my results, she loudly exclaimed that, “all life is sacred.” She assumed I'd had an abortion. FML
Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML
Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML
Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML
Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
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Top comments
dehvi 9
Well god isn't human so it wouldn't be cannibalism.
tbro47 23
If your sister is thinking God is a cannibal and still seems perfectly calm about going to heaven I think I'd be a little worried.
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Comments (16)
edward80 18
Just tell her the truth that I'm a shit-stirring buffoon
notabeachbabe 13
God is as nonmythical as you are. It's rather sad that you choose not to believe in him..
Welshite 40
#1: I don't care what particular religion a person believes in, but I think it's rude to step on those beliefs by questioning their god(s) existence and calling it, or them, myths. Respect others please, and I'll respect your viewpoint.
Maaska 16
All skinny people will go to Hell
Adam5858 17
Let me guess you are not and never were skinny?
Maaska 16
No I am actually...
dehvi 9
Well god isn't human so it wouldn't be cannibalism.
11up 14
Wait, what do you mean not a cannibal?
titandesu 14
makes you wonder how she was under that assumption though
goodwithoutgods 20
Maybe she actually read the Bible
titandesu 14
so your saying that in the bible it says god eats people when they die?
sophapenguin 1
but what if your sister is? o.o
tbro47 23
If your sister is thinking God is a cannibal and still seems perfectly calm about going to heaven I think I'd be a little worried.
Mii99 16
Ehhh, you should probably check in on her Sunday-School teacher.XD
Adam5858 17
What church have you sent her to?Haha that would be a good story for later years but please reply how the person reacted?
WCARlover 35
I liked the plot twist. There were two FMLs in this :p