Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my roommates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm in the south of France and I was trying to impress a cute date at a coffee shop by ordering in what I thought was perfect French. He gave me a weird look, and the barista looked confused. Turns out, instead of ordering a "latte," I asked for "lait," which is just milk. I sat there awkwardly, sipping my cup of cold milk while he watched. FML
Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML
Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML
Today, I bought a new cannister and it came with a label that said "Cookies" so I carefully scanned and photoshopped it to say "Coffee". Then I opened the cannister to find 11 double-sided bilingual labels -- including "Coffee". FML
Today, I went to make my morning coffee as usual. When I opened the container for the coffee grounds, I saw it bubbling. Perplexed, I looked closer. This is how I discovered that maggots can actually bubble what they ingest. FML
Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
Today, I was having dinner at my aunt's house who just migrated to Germany from India and doesn't know any German. I asked for the recipe of a dish and she said that she has been buying these cans with cute kitty picture and just adds spices to it. Cat food is delicious I must admit. FML
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML
Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed two weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer, so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past three days. FML
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Top comments
KingGeorgeGal 12
Well, I hope they put 'sahne' and not 'samen' in your coffee!
saIty 17
How funny would it be if one of them pulled down their pants, and started beating their ferret?
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Comments (308)
myfruitloop 0
first
KingGeorgeGal 12
Well, I hope they put 'sahne' and not 'samen' in your coffee!
Volcano47 0
well thats a good alternate:)
derper71 3
lmao.. would u like some sperm in your coffee sir?
dolphincheddar 10
actually I think sperm adds flavor
flockz 20
hmmm thats odd the german guy at my coffee place thinks samen means cream and puts that in my coffee. i wonder why he laughs everytime i take a sip....
shybear15 0
yea... I wonder
bravesfan112233 0
ya I'd like a medium coffee, hold the sperm
princessjes23 6
oh for sure! that would be fun!! =D
dolphincheddar 10
i'd rather tell them to leave out the sperm instead of holding it while they make my coffee, but that's me
dolphincheddar 10
i'd rather tell them to leave out the sperm instead of holding it while they make my coffee, but that's me
asdfghj771 0
likewise
GunnarG9 0
52-I love your dawg!
dolphincheddar 10
thanx dawg
gangssaboo 0
my moms from Germany....samen means seeds.....not sperm..
msl1333 4
Salem does mean seed, but it is often used in the context of "one's seed" as in sperm...also...even if you thought it meant like seeds of a plant, why would that make it better? do you take seeds in your coffee?
ninjasaurous 0
I don't enjoy this IndiRae person.
die_coco 0
sperma means sperm, but samen is the german pendant to semen. i'm from austria, i know it ;)
die_coco 0
ah btw: samen also means seeds^^
UnderJonathan 8
17- that's messed up!!
KingGeorgeGal 12
166: But so true (;
adropofpeace 8
Would you like that salty or sweet?
dolphincheddar 10
it would be sweet If the guy eats pineapple
JuliaDragonNinja 0
Pshh i might not be a zombie but im a hell of a Dragon! AND A ******* NINJA
criminalmind 10
Roomate: Would you like some cream in your coffee? I made it by hand.
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
222 ftw
craziechiefsfan 0
well then I spread my seeds well lol
KingGeorgeGal 12
I'd say salty, but ehh, who doesn't like a little salt in their coffee?
Ali_Br_fml 33
it's good to see this one translated in English. These comments on here are so much funnier than those on VDM...(I understand them more in my native language... and we seem to have dirtier minds...)
IscoreOnU 19
234- I guess it's lost in translation. It loses value as with all things.
maslover 0
144- seeded coffee is the best ;)
thecoolestever1 0
If i plant my seed in the ground, will it make a baby tree?
sexybeast6229 0
don't ruin an fml:0 you're not the one drinking semen.
Nhk_fml 4
This made me laugh @141 it can mean sperm also
j_cat187 20
im salty
006ruler 0
XD
TheFection 0
well yeah but sperm is basically the human seed, if ya see what I'm saying. and op, even I know sahne is cream and I never studied German.
fishing12345 2
Yaa
l23VIVE 17
Das ist nein gut, du willst sahne en koffee. Nein samen
telli164 30
What?
princessjes23 6
haha! nice.
dolphincheddar 10
jess. how long have you been a zombie?
princessjes23 6
lol! oh only like 4 months... =)
dolphincheddar 10
oh ok. I also enjoy human brains, they're very nutritious
dolphincheddar 10
oh cool! I also enjoy human brains, they're very nutritious. maybe we could go on a killing spree together :D
dolphincheddar 10
damn double posts..
princessjes23 6
oh for sure! sounds fun!!! =D
dolphincheddar 10
alright cool. i have like 8 dead bodies on my freezer right now if u want an arm or two
princessjes23 6
sweet! I jus might take you up on that offer, thanx
dolphincheddar 10
np. so how exactly did you die?
LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE 0
gtfo you losers you are why ths websites sucks so bad. go have you bullshit convo somwhere else douchebags.
princessjes23 6
wow rude much? were havin a convo on a comment so u don't even have to look at it. get over urself asshole!!
Codezlol 21
Mad troll is mad? You're terrible at it anyways, maybe you should stop.
CryMoreFMLs 15
I looked into her soul with my face and she saw obliion, so she became a zombie instead.
XXscenekidXX209 0
luv the zombie face, i just so happen to be a unicorn
CryMoreFMLs 15
Oblivion* **** my phone.
princessjes23 6
ha ya that's exactly what happened. haha thank u! that's the result of me havin no life. n nice! but u look like a kitty =P
enoughgrace 4
"Hell's Janitor"
flockz 20
on a random note, zombie sex is ******* fantastic.
TheBitchOfChuckN 7
I'm looking to sell some of master Chuck's leftover corpses...we may be able to help each other.
Siji 0
"Open Season"
dolphincheddar 10
180. I heard these are very good quality and am willing to make a deal. meet me in limbo by where they torture babies
princessjes23 6
176 knows what's up!!
flockz 20
why hello there 186 i noticed that u are a zombie. i like zombies.
princessjes23 6
hello ;)
dolphincheddar 10
me too flock, you can join us in our brutal manslaughter and cannabalistic feast if you wish
flockz 20
nope just in it for the sex that's all i want.
dolphincheddar 10
alright. well I'm into zombies but I'm not gay, so I shall leave you two to that business. i heard doing it in a coffin undergound is hot.. that or ripping off and reattaching limbs during intercourse. and zombies do not have periods which is convenient
princessjes23 6
downfall to zombie sex=losing body parts =X
flockz 20
there is nothing like being slapped by a detached arm in the middle of sex. it really.... just brings a feeling nothing else can.
princessjes23 6
lmao!
flockz 20
of course it would have to be a random arm cuz then the sex would be awkward if it was one of our arms. like two beached horny whales.
princessjes23 6
agreed haha
valalvax 13
I love both the kitty face and the zombie face!
valalvax 13
hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the soft tissues goes first... of which both your *ahem* and *cough* are a part of (penis and ******, for those who have already had brain leakage)
flockz 20
i mean they don't call me the undead lady pleaser for nothing. that title is earned. and trust me when i say i have earned it.
Elphieba 4
That would have been akward.
Garyy_fml 11
next time you get a coffee, they should be like "with or without the sperm?"
coolp3rson 0
I would prefer the cream
Jacobt24 19
Gotta have your daily protein
atthegates 0
not an FML.
YouMentalFreaks 3
That Sucks, Op. :/ Maybe they'll just forget about it..? it's probably a common mistake.
mlexi21 5
maybe you'll lose some weight?
NYCM 6
That's cold
cheekysausage 0
was that comment necessary?
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
98 your a douchebag
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
anyone smell smoke cuz in think someone just goT BURNED
Hockeyboy4280 18
98 is quite the ******* asshole. A word of advice, if you have to point out other people's flaws, it only makes you seem the insecure fuckstick you really are. Besides, she isn't fat. Good one! Maybe next time you'll make a better joke?
athena3100 9
Dont worry hun, you are beautful the way you are and dont let some duche bag guy tell you otherwise.
CateXOX 0
Oh yeah, I accidentally ask for semen in my coffee all the time. "Accidentally"...
DuckfaceSoccerpu 0
239- maybe OP is still learning German. -.-;.
xNephilim 19
As a native German, I can say it's not really common but still not that big of a deal.
orphinz 3
I must try that coffee with sperm
yummycupkake 0
reading your comment in a heavy, funny accent from ur pic made it sound alot more funnier :DD
dolphincheddar 10
orphinz. comment is very nice, but you have iPod mini, I has iPod regular, everyone knows mini is for girls
bbgisbeautifull 1
omg is ur pic the guy in borat! :D
dolphincheddar 10
what guy in borat. the only guy in borat is borat himself you flubchunt -.-
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
192- are your comments always this good or are you just having a moment?
KingGeorgeGal 12
229- they are always really good and funny & you just gutta admit that picture of the dog is just just swaggin(;
ILOLatmockdaweek 0
242- it's like a doggy pimp.
dolphincheddar 10
dogs are awesome
dolphincheddar 10
and thanks 242!
tzuriel11 9
white girl saying its swaggin lmao
canadian_ftw 8
At least you know now, so you won't make a fool of yourself again...
lol_ironic_life 9
Their ferrret will claw them in the face like the previous FML testing how flexiblity of the ferret's spine.
lol_ironic_life 9
Crap comment fail...That was meant for #8!
saIty 17
How funny would it be if one of them pulled down their pants, and started beating their ferret?
Lauren10102 3
ferret? I don't think that's a thing normal people say....
josh5634 0
I think Mr. Salty does.. ?
saIty 17
It was an old FML, about a kid getting caught beating his ferret.
Fmls4life 6
haha lol that was funny
iluvevil01 11
lol I remember reading that fml about the kid beating his ferret.
TheBitchOfChuckN 7
Very.
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
lol the old fml was him spanking his ferret
vfs_fml 0
I REMEMBER THAT FML ! ahahha
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Yeah it's was deffinetly SPANKING the ferret, I faved that FML
soulfulemo 0
it's not common cause it's a British saying..:P
AmazingLadyy13 0
Delicious.
athena3100 9
Mm maybe some sperm cakes wail youre at it?
lol_ironic_life 9
So which one did you get in your coffee?! :D Sperm makes everything taste better!
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
sperm is full protein so it would be good for OP