Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML
Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me play porn while we were getting busy. The girl in the video said, "You don't need a condom, you can just pull out." I noticed she had a caesarean scar and burst out laughing. My girlfriend stormed out before I could explain. FML
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Top comments
perdix 29
You're going to have shitty kids.
Paramorefan2 1
wow. that sucks. she's stupid.
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Comments (432)
Paramorefan2 1
wow. that sucks. she's stupid.
Epilepsy_fml 0
Yah, he needs to find a new butt buddy.
puffycheeks617 0
Hhaha
puffycheeks617 0
Hhaha
puffycheeks617 0
Hhaha
KiddNYC1O 20
What pill? Ecstacy? LOL
pertained 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
anal sex is wrong
dudeitsdanny 9
Don't you know there's a .0000067% chance of pregnancy that way?! She obviously doesn't like the .0000067% chance. That's too big a risk! Invest in female condoms and spermicide, too! Can't risk those odds! No, I agree with #1.. she's an idiot.
CitizenSnipz 0
Tooday, I was bonned by my bf and he come in my butt so I will have a babby I mean wtf fml
MrSassypants 33
talk about eggs I. the ass
KiddNYC1O 20
29- WTF? boned* and baby*
coolsteve 0
29 was trying to be clever and failed.
fakeaccountX 6
No, 29 simply meant "Tooday, my bf herd i liek forming babby so he accidentally in my base fml"
CitizenSnipz 0
obviously I frgot that it was No Sarcasm / Mockig Day today.
CitizenSnipz 0
Cone on guys, I was making fun of the bitch in the FML! Wasn't it obvious? Deadbeat asswipes.
CitizenSnipz 0
Cone on guys, I was making fun of the bitch in the FML! Wasn't it obvious? Deadbeat asswipes.
CitizenSnipz 0
Come* and ******* doubleposts.
Thin_Ice_fml 0
Hahaha reading these comments make me laugh.
KiddNYC1O 20
By misspelling words?
noeryu 1
Do y'all not know where politicans come from?
elmorous 0
112 Do politicians come from anal pregnancies?
carlomanden 5
what u can get pragnent from anal sex? LOL
tairii 0
#52...xkcd win!
coolboy6 0
Lm-******-Ao
tamie306 5
she's an idiot just like #6
Firestar1202 0
AM I THE ONLY ONE WONDERING HOE SHE SLAPPED HIM
maddieclaire 0
119- winnn(:
kitgurl100 0
lol 196 I was wondering the same thing!
TheCountess 4
^ this.
doggone456 0
an accident????
SadinSherman 16
You do realize how many zero are there
skizzars 2
1.) today 2.) boned 3.) came 4.) baby ;) your welcome
daemonios_fml 0
@300: "You're". OT: I'd reconsider the girl's status as your girlfriend. Unless she was confused from having an anal ****** ;)
alexa414 0
yes shirlock you can
jacobburnmysac 0
no your not. i was thinking the same thing
Danny_B 4
You fail. Simple as that. And if you're going to attempt to insult someone else, make sure you can actually spell first.
bluegoldfish 7
oMG YOU LIKE XKCD TOO??
sj100511 0
He's stupid for using a condom for anal
Cinn_fml 22
Sj100511 - Bacteria/germs etc
annemarte 4
Doesn't matter, had sex?!
annemarte 4
Doesn't matter, had sex??
Petawhitney 2
Ydi for having a stupid girlfriend. Dump her and find someone with an IQ higher than, say, 3.
breenarae25 0
LOL
alex112094 5
BUHTSECKS!!!
noahmcdonald17 0
so true
DjeePee 24
My guess is that this FML was made up by a bored high-schoolkid. Come on, you can't be that stupid. Can you?
Curse2TheMax 1
lmfao
ChicaTongana 0
Actually, some people can be that stupid. I know a few:(
1990TD 6
Actually, the lowest IQ is 80 :P
phreshboi 1
yeah and his girlfriend didn't/did pass the stupidity test/IQ
DEXter501 0
Actually, 167, you're not even close. I'm not sure WHERE you got the notion that 80 is the lowest IQ, but that makes absolutely no sense. You'd be correct to say that around 75% of IQs fall between 80 and 120, but 80 is NOT the absolute lowest score. In fact, IQs of less than 70 are considered to indicate mental retardation, with 50-70 indicating mild mental retardation, 35-50 as moderate, 20-35 as severe, and less than 20 as profound mental retardation. You might want to think before you write things...
tanner11111 0
bitch got owned
Billzzz 0
Get slappped by Dr.Imsmartandknoweverythingaboutdumbfucks.
Timmy_Boy 17
you'd be surprised at how dumb people can they have no common sense
Raindown_fml 0
billz made me lol
FrenchToast94 0
#220 that's ******* hilarious!! I almost died laughing!!! hahaha! nobody correct me and say "you can't die laughing."
PieInTheSky24 0
249 you can't die laughing.
thatonek1d 0
you mean negative 103
ifailplzinsultme 0
243- If you died laughing, then you're posting from hell?
katelynn_816 0
agreed
TAHDOGG 0
Haha, quality effort
iPunchedBigFoot 5
Hahaha wtf
h2opoloplaya 0
does she enjoy a good pair of pants?
christianSRA 0
probably not the poo would ruin them
perdix 29
You're going to have shitty kids.
WallyTheWombat 0
LOL
KiddNYC1O 20
Bottoms up, Perdix! lol I like what I did there.
Lennsik 4
Looks like she's -puts on glasses- the butt of the joke.
CitizenSnipz 0
Or that she got -puts on sunglasses- shitty sex ed. YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHH
HamsteronA 0
These jokes made my day.
goldenone 2
likewise
moses92 0
hahaha made my ******* day !
Draminicaus 0
....That girl is the shit.
leovic 0
hahaha
hawty12345 0
91- you fail so, so hard.
tails9888 5
bahahahhahaa im the OP and this is worth replying to hahahaha win.
lew0019 0
yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
ivajosh 0
^win
mountneer 0
he is all fails
esines 9
OP your girlfriend sounds like an ass
furordei 2
Perdix strikes again.
bethluvsyou 15
254 so did your dads condom.
hellyeahmirjam 2
is she blond?
randiZ25 0
The color of ones' hair has nothing in common with their IQ.. I'm blonde have a 3.5 GPA in college with a biology degree.. immaturity would more thank likely be the culprit, not her hair color
Fortuitous 0
#51, I think #13 was just asking if she has ass hair.
optimusprime0069 8
your a hot blonde
angels21 0
nope it's the hair color, if u were really smart u'd have a 4.0.
codilashea15 0
if you really think hair color makes people stupid your an idiot...
Fortuitous 0
*You're You won't like it when I put the mirror to your face.
CitizenSnipz 0
79 just got her -puts on sunglasses- ass handed to her. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH
codilashea15 0
haha wow you really think I care what that dumbass says???
Fortuitous 0
#96, you have no right to call anyone "dumbass". Excuse me, I'm on the phone with your elementary school English teacher.
sourgirl101 28
74 made me laugh!
christinebaby 0
51 and 79 need to get laid I'm blonde and I laughed!!!
Poepiepiesie 3
Ha you live in ''the nederlands'' ?
Poepiepiesie 3
Ha you live in ''the nederlands'' ?
7lollypop7 0
what does that have to do with blonde hair? xD
ComMed1 0
I think, 96, that maybe you should go back to the kitchen where you belong and start making some sandwiches. I'm not sexist but, a girl like you shouldn't be on the Internet.
OrientlSoldr 0
#79, that's exactly what a blond would say. lol
ALindsey 0
Says the blonde girl... o.O
josev37 0
way to get offended ppl
MaximilianMarche 0
yeah but the fact she is blonde just adds to her stupidity since the stereotype is there. also why the butt sex? I never tried and don't really see why someone would
MaximilianMarche 0
yeah but the fact she is blonde just adds to her stupidity since the stereotype is there. also why the butt sex? I never tried and don't really see why someone would
thesock339 0
#13 obviously meant it as a joke. move on. jeez.
TherapistNate 0
#206 google it if you're curious enough.
randiZ25 0
true true.. but I consider my 3.5 passable enough for getting my degree
meganpaige 0
....*clap.*
crzygirl1980 7
I got creative to my response to any ex's that even thought to ask me for anal. Sure I'll try it...IF I do you first with a strap on, if you like it then we can try it! But mines just as small & virginized as theirs! That usually grossed them out to shut the f**k up!
sutianneli 13
U r too stupid to take a joke
Govcheeze 18
3.5 is not that good to prove that you are smart...
textingfreak 0
Mabey it was her first time?
xFaust_fml 12
Anal is tough for a first time... I highly doubt she's a virgin. So she's just stupid.
dudeitsdanny 9
There's always those "I'm still a virgin if it's in the ass" people. I was gonna say the "can't get pregnant from anal" people, but she's clearly not one.
whalen11 0
she's just looking for a way to slap you hahaha
PhoenixFiend 0
that's hot
dorieps 0
was she drunk